One More Time, With Feeling

It's been a While...

2012-02-12T17:29:00.001-08:00

I find it hard to post on here.

I don't want to innundate everone with posts about baby baby baby nonstop. I was hoping to be writing about egg donations, but that seems to have fallen through, at least right now. I might try again in the summer, when I have a bit of downtime.

Before Cate, well, really before TTC, I wanted 4 kids. I had a whole theory on why that was the perfect number. I wanted a large family. I wanted all the noise and mess and chaos that would come with that.

Now??

I can't imagine why I would ever need to have another child.

I can't imagine ever loving another child as much as I love Cate. Surely Cate would be the favorite.

Now, I feel like we should try again, just so she doesn't have to be an only child. Everyone I know who was an only child hated it. More than anything, I want her to be happy.

I just can't picture life with Cate + baby.

Speaking of Cate, she is growing up so fast. It's amazing to watch.

Funny story: I went into a bookstore a couple weeks ago to buy a book, but I decided to find Cate a book first. So I took her to the children's section, and finally she and I settled on "Pride and Prejudice". (Did you know there's a children's version? It's a counting board book.) I handed it to Cate in her stroller and went to browse for myself. All the time I was walking the aisles, people were laughing at me. Finally, one guy said "starting her kind of early, don't you think?" and when I looked down, she had the book open in front of her, right side up, and was staring intently at the pages.

Then, since that store didn't have what I was looking for, I wend across the street to another one. They had "Girl with a Dragon Tattoo", so I decided to get it. Cate wanted to hold it, so I gave it to her. She opened it up to the middle of the book and stared at the pages. The cashier looked at me and said "little above her reading level, don't you think?" I responed with "nah, she just finished Pride and Prejudice."

The look on the cashier's face was priceless.

So Grateful

2012-01-20T19:04:00.000-08:00

Jeff, Cate, and I took a trip to the Scottish Rite Children's Hospital today. Our pediatrician has been worried that Cate isn't crawling with her belly off the floor or pulling up on things yet, and wanted to check out her hips. We had x-rays done on Monday, and we took them with us today. Everything is fine. The doctors at Scottish Rite thought, as Jeff and I did, that Cate would do it when she was ready. Ah well, that's not really what this post is about anyway.

I was/am already so grateful for Cate. We're incredibly lucky, and I know it. But today, it really hit home.

Sitting in the waiting room at SR was like sitting in a whole different world. In the 2 1/2 hours we were there, we met an 18 month old with no legs and one hand, a boy about 12 with burns so severe he lost his foot, I saw babies with casts, toddlers in wheelchairs, and one beautiful little girl with a metal halo attached to a hook that held her head up as she walked. And parents, who were totally chill and laid back and knew that hospital like the backs of their hands. Parents who commented on Cate's long legs, when their daughter had none.

I am so grateful. We have a beautiful, smart, healthy little girl. She may not crawl yet, but that doesn't stop her from chasing the cat all over the house. I told her "no" today, and she looked at me and said "ok". She smiled and charmed every person she met today, even giving the old doctor a hug. She did not cry once during the 2 1/2 hours we were at the hospital, even though most of that was spent waiting. She played, and watched, and talked.

She is absolutely perfect. She is more than I ever dreamed, and I am so glad she's mine.

So glad, and so so thankful.

Over and Done With

2012-01-01T17:18:00.001-08:00

I can't say I'm sad to see 2011 go. I'm not. I'm thrilled. I'm relieved that a new year has started, that I might be able to breathe again.

Don't misunderstand me. 2011 brought us Cate, and so was a wonderful year, family-wise. It will go down in history as the Best. Year. Ever. because of her.

But really, the year sucked. It sucked balls. I'm so glad it's gone.

How nice to be able to write that.

In 2011, we dealt with: extra hospital bills from Cate's birth, her broken clavicle, a busted toliet, a toliet flood, a broken computer, 2 car breakdowns, 2 broken air conditioners, another broken toliet, a puddle in the middle of my bedroom from a cracked foundation, broken tiles in the shower, and a leaky watering system that caused our water bill to double for months. We paid countless medical bills, 3 tickets, more medical bills. I put my wonderful boy Dobby to sleep. Jeff had a stomach virus, then mono, then mono and stomach virus. He had an ER visit, a TIA, and a terrified wife.

Truly. I'm so glad that damn year is over.

This year is already starting out better. My little brother proposed to his girlfriend, so I'll soon have a new sister. We still have medical bills to pay from Jeff's hospital visit, but thankfully they're manageable. The puddle in my bedroom is dried up; hopefully insurance can take care of it permanantly.

We still have a gorgeous daughter, who is finally cutting her first two teeth and is army crawling all over the house. She babbles at us, and laughs, and gets angry when we don't share our food with her. She's trying to set herself up from her stomach, and I'm sure she'll be pulling herself up to standing in no time. Quite frankly, this house can crumble down around me. As long as I have Cate, I won't be too upset.

But I'm really really hoping this year is better than last.

Worries...

2011-12-13T17:24:00.000-08:00

I must admit, I am worried about Cate.

She is not crawling yet. Nor is she pulling herself up on furniture and such.

At 9 months, she should be doing these things. The baby books say so. Even the doctor was concerned yesterday that she's not doing either yet. Dr. M expected her to be "cruising", which is pulling herself up and taking a few steps while holding on to furniture.

She shows no desire to move her feet while standing.

She will get up on all fours, but never moves. She just lays back down.

I wasn't that worried until we went to the doctor yesterday, and she was concerned. Then today, on Face.book, someone posted about how her 9-months tomorrow baby took her first step today. Her daughter is walking, and Cate's not even crawling yet?

She's met most other milestones. She knows her name, understands "no", and repeats sounds all the time. She can't pick things up with just a finger and thumb, she's still fisting everything, but I think part of that was us not giving her things she could pick up like that. I am trying to remedy that.

I don't know what to do about the crawling/standing though. I know all babies crawl/stand/walk at different times, but it seems like she's really behind.

Also, just FYI, she's in the 50th percentile for weight, but off the charts in length. Like, past 99th. She's super long. No teeth yet. Talks and sings constantly. Still adores the dogs. And is absolutely precious.

Pregnant Women are Smug

2011-11-23T10:29:00.000-08:00

Seriously, couldn't resist. Hilarious

genetics suck

2011-11-11T16:53:00.001-08:00

I've been turned down as an egg donor for the clinic/company I chose. Because my dad and granddad both died of heart attacks, I apparently don't qualify, at least according to the woman who emailed me. She said that FDA regulations don't allow that many instances of heart disease/heart attacks in my immediate family.

I will say that: a) I didn't know grandparents were immediate family and b) I couldn't find anything about that in the FDA donor regulations that I spent over an hour reading last night.

I will also say that I am pretty upset about this. Wondering if it's worth it to try another place, or accept that I have crappy genes that no one would want anyway.

A Celebration of Babies

2011-10-29T17:07:00.000-07:00

Today, my old RE's office hosted a Celebration of Babies. They invited all of the patients who they helped become parents.

It was so cool. It wasn't a huge deal. Just a tent in the parking lot of the office. Balloons, face painting, and cupcakes for the kids, and pictures with Dr. G. A couple of hours hanging out outside in the nice weather, chatting with other parents.

Jeff and I agreed it was unlike any party we've ever been to. Usually, we at least know someone. Here, we were all strangers, but with something in common. It's not like the RE's office invites lots of chatting and new friends. So it was neat to talk to people who are every bit as grateful for their children as we are for Cate. Singleton babies like Cate were definitely the minority, but what can you expect from a party thrown for former RE patients?

It was awesome. I think Dr. G really liked seeing all the kids, and I know the nurses did. They said they're going to try it every year, and I really hope they do.

Eggs, Toes, and Shout-Outs

2011-10-26T17:22:00.000-07:00

First off, I have a few shout-outs go give. Rach and Lindsay both have beautiful babies that you should go oooh and aaaah over if you're up for it. Seriously precious. And Rebekah has an early new arrival!

Foxy and Melissa both had wonderful baby showers for their soon-to-be-here babies!

Cherbear, Michele, Jenni, and Jackie are all either in the middle of their TWW, or about to start a new round of treatment. Go wish them luck.

Finally, go say hello to Auntie A. She just boarded the crazy MFI train, and could probably use some friends and well-wishes.

Now for the toes. Well, toe. I wasn't planning on writing about it, but it's pretty much the only thing on my mind at the moment. I kicked a desk this morning. Not on purpose. I turned in my chair to talk to one of my students, and kicked the edge of a medal desk in doing so. As soon as I did, I reached down and grabbed my toe, cause it HURT, but didn't look at it for like, 3 minutes while I talked to the kids. When I finally let go, my hand was covered in blood. I sliced my little toe open almost an inch. I put a band-aid on it, but it has been bleeding and throbbing all day. Probably doesn't help that I also managed to whack it another 3 times. Oh, it hurts.

Ok, now for the eggs. Egg donation, that is. Way back in August when I did my survey, most women said they went through their RE to find a donor. Unfortunately, all the research I've done and phone calls I've made have pretty much solidified the fact that most REs in the area use donor agencies. So, I researched those and finally sent in a preliminary application to one. They, in turn, send me about a billion questions to answer that are ridiculously hard.

For instance, one is "What does family mean to you?"

Really? What family means to me I can't put in to words, and every time I try, it sounds canned. Also, I have no idea how to describe myself, nor do I particularly think I have any talents or achievements to share. And, one of the questions asked for future career goals. How do I say I am perfectly happy where I am, and have no desire to move up into administration without sounding like a loser-y, lazy bum?

Ohmigosh. It's hard. Unbelievably, the hardest question is "why do you want to be a donor?" That shouldn't be hard. I know exactly why I want to be a donor. She's sleeping in her crib right now. Because everyone should have this. But how do I say that without coming off as crazy???

That's all I have to say.

No....my toe hurts. Now that's all.

Fall Crafty-ness

2011-10-16T18:04:00.001-07:00

Go over to Best and Better Still and see my fall craft. I'd post it on here, but I figure this is easier!

A Month of Silence

2011-10-15T13:21:00.001-07:00

Sorry about the prolonged silence here. I've been reading, commenting when I can, but haven't had time to sit and write.

It's been crazy around here. Jeff caught a stomach bug around Labor Day weekend, then promptly caught mono (oh, the joys of teaching), so has been sick for over a month. For a while there, he couldn't stand for more than a couple minutes without getting light-headed. I even had to go pick him up from work one day. I've had to do everything: house, dogs, and baby. Oh, and work.

Speaking of work, I'm thinking I must have been on crack at some point. I volunteered to be Student Council sponsor, Dodgeball Club sponsor, and Spelling Bee sponsor this year. This is on top of having a special ed inclusion room.

I'm exhausted. My house is disgusting, because just keeping up with the laundry and the dishes (usually Jeff's job) and the dogs is wearing me out. By the time Cate goes to bed, I'm practically asleep.

On top of that, we are broke. Painfully broke. This month's daycare was $1,000, plus our electric and water bills were through the roof, for some reason I have yet to figure out. Add that to the 600+ we spent trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with Jeff before someone decided to test for mono, and we've had a rough month. I feel like a terrible parent, because Cate's only professional pictures have been her newborn ones, and every time I plan on getting them done, that money goes toward something else. At least she gets fed and bathed semi-regularly. (She only gets baths 2-3 times a week b/c of her eczema anyway.)

Sorry this post is so whiny. Wanted you to know that we're still here, even if we're just hanging on.

A few thoughts...

2011-09-11T17:38:00.000-07:00

I had about an hour to myself today. Jeff went to the school to work, and Cate took a nap. It was blissful. I sat on the couch and read. (And because names and storylines from "Game of Thrones" float through my head every time I close my eyes, I started re-reading "The Princess Diaries" for a break.)

I also spend a little time working on recovering our dining room chairs, and I started thinking. (Always dangerous with me). Here are my thoughts:

Every upper elementary and middle school english teacher should introduce three boys (men? guys?) to their students' lives. Their names are Gregor, Percy, and Harry. Those three do more for my reading scores and for getting my kids interested in reading than anyone else. (Maybe I should include their creators too....)

There are 2 incredibly annoying and, I think, offensive commercials running in our area right now. One is about that stupid "Dolphin Tale" movie. It's a preview, and someone says during it "That dolphin is the bravest creature I've ever seen", or something to that effect.

Can I just say, "Courage only counts when you can count." (from Gregor) That stupid dolphin had nothing to do with getting some stupid prothestic tail and relearning how to swim. It's not like it was given the option to say "hey, thanks, but no. I'm good." Ridiculous.

The other commercial is a USPS commercial in which some guy says "I can't think of anything worse than having to stand in line at the post office."

Really? You can't think of ANYTHING worse than standing in line?!?! Cause I can think of a few hundred things just off the top of my head, and probably thousands if you give me about an hour.

Also, I was thinking about my favorite fictional literary couples. I came up with my top three. They are:
Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy- Pride and Prejudice
Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe- Anne of Green Gables
Mia Thermompolis and Michael Moscovitz- The Princess Diaries*

*I came up with this list before I started re-reading the series.

I suppose that's it for the evening. I'm off to watch the season finale of True Blood. There better be some Erik butt in this one!

Hey there

2011-09-04T09:33:00.000-07:00

I've been MIA for a while. I underestimated just how much harder it would be to go back to work this year. Last year, I had family taking care of Cate, and I didn't realize just how much that helped. This year she's at a day care. It makes it a lot harder. Add that to the general exhaustion and ridiculous amounts of paper work and little things that come with starting the school year, and it's no wonder I've gone to bed at 8:30 almost every night.

My class is wonderful this year. It's a big change for me, because this is my first year to have special ed inclusion. The biggest change is that I literally have no time to sit down while the kids are working, so I've been trying to get everything (copies, lesson plans, parent emails, grades, etc.) done in the hour after the kids leave and before I pick up Cate. Needless to say, that's not really working. Thankfully, I have an incredible aide who will sit and grade papers when there's nothing else to do. She even took some home to grade over the long weekend for me.

I've been sitting here staring at the computer screen with my hands in my lap for the last five minutes, trying to figure out what else I want to say. There's a lot I would like to talk about, I just don't think it's all for this post. I just wanted to let you know that I'm still here, still chugging along.

It's time

2011-08-15T18:15:00.000-07:00

Hey hey! There is officially a post over at my new blog! Head over and read it, if you want. At least head over to check out the name and the quote I got it from. Still super-proud of that!!

Just can't hide it!

2011-08-09T18:36:00.000-07:00

I must say, I'm pretty pleased with myself. Last night, I came up with the perfect name for my new baby-centered blog, and I managed to remember it today! It comes from my favorite quote from my favorite book series Anne of Green Gables. I am rather excited. I'm working on it, but it probably won't be ready for another week or so. I feel like doing a little dance.

I'll let everyone know when it's up and running. Family, you get to stop reading this one when it is. Bloggy friends, you're welcome to read both, or avoid the baby blog, or stop reading me altogether if you need to. I'll still be posting here, especially when I get this egg donor business started.

I'm so excited!

Bedtime

2011-08-07T18:07:00.000-07:00

My favorite time of day is from about 7:30 to 8:30 pm. That's Cate's bedtime. It's when she and I say goodnight to Daddy and go upstairs. We sit in the glider, have one last bottle, and rock. Sometimes I read her a story. Sometimes I sing to her. Sometimes she goes straight to bed. But I love that time. I love holding her when there are no distractions. No phone, no dogs, no TV. Just us.

When she dozes off, I like to sit and imagine what her room will look like in 5, 10, and 15 years. Right now, it feels like it's just as much my room as hers. I put everything away, she's hardly in there without me (when she's awake). Right now, it's our room. But I like to think about what it will be like as she takes over. I like to think about toys on the floor, books on the shelf, posters on the wall. It makes me smile.

Summer Camp, Days 23, 24, and 25

2011-07-25T17:53:00.000-07:00

Day 23 – What are your favorite activities to do on-line? Is there more to do beyond blogging?

My favorite thing to do online is play games. Specifically: crossword puzzles, nonograms, logic puzzles, and my new favorite KenKen. If you like brain teasers or sudoku, you'd like nonograms and kenken.

Day 24 – What is your dream date? Have you ever dated anyone you met from the internet?

"April 27. Because it's not too hot, and it's not too cold..." If you get that, you're a dork, just like me. And no, I've never dated anyone I met from the internet.

Day 25 – What did you want to be when you grew up? Why and/or how did that change over time?

At some point in time, I wanted to be an astronaut, a zookeeper, a vet, and a teacher. I'm not a vet because I couldn't handle having to put animals to sleep, I'm not a zookeeper because I wouldn't want to clean out the cages, and I'm not smart enough to be an astronaut. In college I wanted to be a museum curator, and would still love it, but unfortunately most curator pay would not cover the amount of $ I would spend on the master's degree in museum studies.

Summer Camp, Day 21 (and a random side note)

2011-07-21T18:45:00.000-07:00

Day 21- What names would you NEVER name a child or pet? What name do you wish you had been named? Do you like the name of your blog?

Ok, first off, there are things I would name a pet that I would NEVER name a child. So, really, that's two questions. And since all my pets are named after Harry Potter characters, a lot of names don't qualify. :)

Being a teacher, lots of names get ruined for me because of the kids. For instance, I would never name a kid Hayden, John, or Brady. McKenna, Mackenzie, or McKayla. Victor. Avery. Kendall. And I've always always ALWAYS hated the name Kiefer.

I love my name, but, my mom wanted to name me Anjuli instead of Julie. My dad apparently hated the name though, and gave my mom a choice between Julie and Angela. I love being a Julie, but sometimes I wish my name were Anjuli. I like it. I use Anjuli a lot for emails and such.

The name of my blog is ok. It makes sense to me, even if it does to no one else.

Speaking of blog names, I have two finalists for my more Cate-centered blog. "Love, Honor, and Constant Vigilance" and "Chew Toys and Teething Rings". Which one do you like?

Random Side Note: I'm trying to stop pumping, and I went 48 hours before I realized that I really really had to pump. (Seriously, my boobs were rock hard.) Anyway, I did, and the milk that I pumped was green. Not like, grass green, but like mint ice cream green. It was very strange. I looked it up though, and apparently, it's normal.

Don't forget to tell me which blog name you like!

Summer Camp, Days 19 and 20

2011-07-19T20:49:00.000-07:00

If you're here from the LFCA click here, or scroll down. Thanks for your help!

Day 19 – How do you (and your partner if applicable) feel about PDA? Does your husband/wife/partner know that you blog and if so are they involved?

I'm wondering if the only definition I know of PDA (public display of affection) is not the one in this question, since I don't understand how it relates to Jeff knowing I blog. But you all know he knows I write a blog, and he writes one too.

Day 20 – What is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for you? Did you repay the kindness? Did you blog about it?

I can think of 2 things that really stand out, and both of them have been in the last year. The first was Foxy sending a baby bonnet and a sprig of lavendar for Cate. It meant so much to me that an almost stranger who I know only through the internet would take the time so send such a heartfelt gift. And Foxy, she's big enough for it now, so you can expect some pictures!

The other thing will seem silly to you, but it meant a lot to me. The day I went back to work after my maternity leave, my co-worker C brought me a Diet DP. I know, that's small, but she took the time to bring me my favorite drink on the morning she knew I'd be having a rough time.

Summer Camp, Days 17 and 18

2011-07-17T17:57:00.000-07:00

If you're here from the LFCA about donor eggs, click here, or scroll down. And thanks for your input!

Day 17 – What is your favorite thing about the weekend? Do you take a break from blogs or is this when you catch up?

It used to be that my favorite thing about the weekend was that Jeff and I had time to go garage sale-ing, go out to eat, sleep in, and goof off. Now that it's summer, we have a hard time figuring out what day of the week it is, so weekends don't make too much difference. I know that when school starts up again, my favorite thing about the weekend will be that I get to spend all day with Cate, instead of just a few hours.

I catch up on blogs whenever I have time, not necessarily on the weekends.

Day 18 – How do you feel about astrology? What’s your sign, baby, and do you think it matches your personality?

I really don't ever give much thought to astrology. My sign is Aquarius, and I actually had to do a bit of research before I could decide if it matched my personality, which should tell you how I feel about it.

So far, I've found that Aquarius is tempermental, impatient, makes friends easily, is a leader, struggles to pay attention to detail, and wants to make the world a better place. I freely admit I'm impatient and tempermental. Attention to deal is definitely missing in my world, and I would like to make the world a better place, but of course thinking about it is usually as far as I get. However, I actively try not to be a leader. I don't have the confidence required to lead, and I don't make friends easily. I prefer to listen rather than talk (a big change from when I was a kid) when I meet strangers, and I think I come across as snobby. I swear I'm not though.

Summer Camp, Days 14, 15, and 16

2011-07-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

Day 14 – How do you typically dress to run errands? Do you think bloggers dress better or worse than “regular people”?

I wear a t-shirt and jeans or shorts pretty much all the time. When I was pregnant, I lived in sweat pants at home, but I would change them before leaving the house. I have standards and all.

I can't honestly say I've ever thought about how bloggers dress.

Day 15 – What was your college experience like? Were you involved in any clubs, groups, etc? If you did not go to college what was your experience like after high school?

I liked college. I had fun. My freshman year, I joined a sorority, but I didn't really have the time or money for it. I worked full time all four years of college, 3 of them as a manager at a Burger King. Still, I loved college.

Day 16 – How many friends of yours blog/tweet/actively facebook? Has social media helped or hurt your friendships?

I don't have any close friends who are active in any of that. Facebook has been nice though. It helps me keep in touch with my friends who are scattered across the nation.

Egg Donation

2011-07-14T19:34:00.001-07:00

I've wanted to donate eggs ever since Jeff and I had to pick out donor sperm. Now that we have a baby and our IF treatments are over with (for now?), it's been on my mind more and more.

I started doing research on it today. I'm glad I did, since most companies have an age cut-off of 29. That leaves me about a year and a half.

However, there are almost a dozen local companies right here in DFW, and who knows how many nation-wide. So, I'm looking for women who have used donor eggs or donated eggs. I want their input on who they used and why. I want to be sure I pick a company that doesn't bankrupt the prosepective parents.

If they used donor eggs, I also want to know if they preferred open or anonymous donations. Some centers I've found require meetings before hand, and some are strictly anonymous. I don't think I care either way, but I'd like to know what those using donor eggs look for.

Thanks for your help!

Summer Camp, Days 10,11,12, and 13

2011-07-13T19:12:00.001-07:00

Day 10 – Share your favorite recipe (or two) (see! You CAN be a food blogger!)

I'm not sure I've enabled you to fully grasp what a terrible cook I am. I have no recipes to share, but you if have one to share with me that is EASY to make (less than 3 steps), I'll try it and let you know how it goes!

Day 11 – How are you different from your parents? How are you the same? Do your parents and/or family know that you write on-line?

Hmm...I'm having trouble thinking of how I'm different from my parents. I have my dad's sense of humor. I'm pretty much my mother. Seriously, she about fell over laughing the other day when I confessed that I actually licked my thumb to clean something off Cate's face. I don't look a thing like my mom, but if you look at pictures of her when she was my age, we could be twins. In fact, check this business out:

This is a picture of me, my mom, my grandma, and my great-grandma. My mom posted this on Facebook on Mother's Day, and everyone thought it was her, me, and Cate. My, oh my.

Most of the fam knows I have a blog, and they know they have to stop reading it soon. They get their own.

Day 12 – Tell us about the first time you got drunk or tipsy (as far as you can remember…) Do you ever stop yourself from telling too much when you write on-line or do you think you tell too much?

You know, I hate to say it, but I'm going to skip this question. I don't think anyone I work with/for would ever read this blog, but you never know. If you're just dying to hear the answer to this question, feel free to email me. I'll tell you.

Day 13 – Tell us about the best job you ever had, and the worst. Do you ever blog or read blogs while at work? Do you ever quote or reference blogs while at work?

Love this question. While teaching is certainly the best paying job I've ever had (sad), the most fun I've ever had at a job was when I worked as a server for Studio Movie Grill. If you're not familiar with it, it's a theatre that serves actual food. Tables, bar, full menu, the works. I had so much fun working there. I only did so for 6 months while I was student teaching, but it was awesome. (The tips were lousy.) I got to work with great people, see all the movies we had, and serve food, which I really enjoyed.

The worst job I ever had was the one right before Studio. I worked for an inventory counting service. It was the worst. Job. Ever. Never have I been so bored. It was completely mindless, counting shirts and shoes and bread and peanut butter and cell phone parts. Ugh. Terrible. I dreaded it every day. I only did it for a month. They wanted to promote me, but I took the lower paying server job instead. Fantastic choice!

Summer Camp days 7,8, and 9

2011-07-12T20:01:00.000-07:00

Day 7 – What’s your favorite thing to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Do you read food blogs or would you ever consider writing one?

My favorite thing to eat for breakfast is cereal. It really doesn't matter what kind. My favorite cereals seem to be everyone else's least favorites, because they stop getting made. (Frosted Flakes had a cinnamon version for a while. Best. Cereal. Ever.) I could eat Mexican food every day. I just can't get enough.

I would never write a food blog. I'm too much of a picky eater. It'd all be about potatoes!

Day 8 – If you had to teach something, what would you teach? (If you DO teach, when did you discover your love for teaching/the subject?) Do you think blogs can play a role in education?

Well, I do teach. 4th grade. I teach spelling, math, reading, writing, grammar, social studies, and science. I also unofficially teach manners, respect, and sarcasm. I would really like to teach middle school or high school English or History, but I look too young to teach high school, and I'm too nice (read: weak) to teach middle.

I think blogs can be a great tool in education, if they're used effectively. In fact, I plan on having a class blog this year that the students will write and maintain. It's going to have newsletters, book reviews, and other good stuff I haven't thought of yet.

Day 9 – What is the most important lesson you learned from your own mother (or other primary caretaker)? What do you imagine the name of your Grandmother’s blog would be and what would she write about?

The most important lesson I've learned from my mother is kind of hard to put into words. I suppose it's that we are stronger than we look. My mom lost her husband and her mother within 15 months of each other. One was expected, one was not. And yet, 13 years later, she still manages to get up in the morning. Not only that, but she lives. I can only hope to be that strong.

I have no idea what my Grandmother's blog would be. Either of my grandmothers. I would assume that Grandma would read every cross-stitching blog out there. And Granny would read mine. She would probably leave comments on every post. They were amazing women. I just can't imagine them writing blogs.

Summer Camp, Days 4,5,and 6

2011-07-11T20:13:00.000-07:00

Day 4 – What has most surprised you about being an adult? What have you learned about yourself through blogging?

Sadly enough, I think the thing that has most surprised me about being an adult is underwhelming it is. I forget that I am 27 years old. I don't feel that old. I feel like I should be a better, more well-rounded person at 27. While I realize that I have definitely grown and matured since my teenage years, I don't feel like an adult.

I'm laughing at myself for the second part of this question. I'm sitting here telling you I've grown and matured, but this blog has shown me that I'm still moody, whiny, and melodramatic. Haha.

Day 5 -What do you prefer to do on your birthday?

I really don't care. My birthday is in February, which limits choices a lot, but really, my birthday is not that big a deal to me. Not sure why.

Day 6 – When was the last time you tried something new? What was it and what was the result? Have you ever done something just so that you could blog about it?

I tried a new resturaunt yesterday. It was called Ramen Republic, and quite frankly, it was a little bland. But, in doing so, we found out that one of my favorite pizza places is opening up across the street. Baked Potato Pizza, here I come! This past week I also tried on some new (to me) clothes, tried to make a grocery list with coupons, and tried a new Mexican food place. (Also slightly bland.) I tried a new formula for Cate (awful), tried out swimming with Cate, and tried out sleeping with her upstairs. I try new stuff all the time. Usually food. But still.

Summer Camp, Days 1,2, and 3

2011-07-11T18:18:00.000-07:00

Day One: Provide a photo or sketch or dramatic rendering of the space where you normally blog.

Well, this is it. Yes, I sit in that incredibly hard antique wooden chair. And yes, that is a cup of moldy Diet DP. It's been there for about a month. This picture has inspired me to get rid of it. (Finally!) I like being able to look out the window while I'm on the computer, and when Cate is with me, she likes it too. She can't get enough of leaves.

Day Two: What were you like in high school? What extracurricular activities, if any, did you take part in during high school? Did you consider yourself a writer?

Ugh. I was miserable in high school. I was an outsider. I wanted so badly to be a part of something, but I never really was. I took drama every year, but only had one line in one play ever. I played clarinet in the band, and made first chair my senior year, right before I moved. I was moody, angsty, and melodramatic. I had a grudge against the world because my dad had died. I worshiped a boy who didn't have the time for me. I was convinced I had no friends, but looking back, I see that I had tons, many of whom hung out with people they didn't like, because I brought them together. I was luckier than I thought.

I wanted to be a writer in high school. I didn't have time for journalism or the creative writing team, but I was (and still am) forever starting stories I'll never finish. I have a head-full of stories and books and epics in my head, but no patience to write them down. Oh well.

Day Three: What are your guilty pleasures?

Ooooh, I like this question. Let's see. I think of guilty pleasures as things I actually feel a bit guilty about...like the movie "Overboard". I realize it's stupid, but I still watch it every time it comes on TV.

Pedicures. I would get one every day if I could, but I've never walked away from one feeling ok about the money I just spent.

Hannah Montana. Enough said.

Make-up and nail polish. I l.o.v.e. buying this stuff, but I hardly ever use it. Doesn't stop me from wandering the cosmetic aisle every time I go to the store by myself.

Earrings. I have 200+ pairs of earrings. I like quirky ones like my squirrels and my cassette tape earrings, and I like big dangly flashy ones. I like them all. I should really stop buying them though!

Haircuts. Getting my hair cut is one of my favorite things ever. I love everything about it. I love the smell of the hair salon, the sound of scissors cutting my hair, the time it takes. Really, I love anything that has to do with my hair, except the wind.

And, just for fun: a picture of Cate and her buddy Kreacher.

Summer Camp, Mini-Updates, and a Question

2011-07-09T18:03:00.000-07:00

I've decided to participate in Calliope's Blog Summer Camp! I'm a bit behind, so I'll be doing a couple days' worth at a time till I catch up. I'm excited about this. If you haven't checked it out, head on over. It looks like a lot of fun!

Some mini-updates:
We took Cate to Kansas for the first time. We thought we would have to stop overnight, but Cate turned out to be a great road trip rider and slept the whole way, so we made it in a day. She was amazingly good natured about meeting so many new people and getting passed around. Then again, she is amazing. :)

She also changed her own bedtime. She was going to sleep between 9 and 11, depending on the day. For the past week, she's gone to sleep at 8. Her doing, not ours. It's awesome though, since that's what time she was going to have to go to bed when school starts again.

And the Question:
What should I name my new blog? I'm planning on starting a new one for the family that is Cate-centered. I'm going to very politely ask everyone I'm related to to stop reading this blog once the new one is up. No offense to them, but I find myself censoring things I would like to say. And sometimes, I find myself censoring baby-related stuff here. I figure two seperate blogs is the way to go. But I cannot think of a good name. So far, all I've come up with is "The Wild and Wacky Winkler World" which I know is absolutely terrible, and "Love, Honor, and Constant Vigilance" which Jeff and I like to say is our family motto, but really it's just one of our weird jokes. So help me out here!

What a Day

2011-06-26T20:20:00.000-07:00

Today, I think Cate woke up on the wrong side of the bed. She had a rough day. She didn't want to eat, she didn't want her pacifier, she didn't want her thumb. She didn't want to sit in her bouncy chair, sit in her swing, lay on her play mat, or take a nap. She wanted to be held. All. Day.

Please don't misunderstand me. I have no problem holding her. But to hold a 14 pound baby all day is a little exhausting. Especially when that 14 pound baby is a wiggle worm who would NOT sit still for more than 2 minutes at a time. And when that 14 pound wiggle worm was sleepy and fussy and refusing to sleep.

Not that it was all bad, or really even bad at all. She woke up smiling instead of crying (a new development), laughed when I tickled her, smiled everytime I talked to her, and sat and "talked" to Jeff for a good 20 minutes today. She blew bubbles and chewed on her giraffe lovie. So maybe she didn't have a rough day. Except for the wanting to be held all day part.

In other news, I decided to stop pumping, then changed my mind, then changed it again, then changed it again. So I'm still pumping. For now. :)
I have a whole post coming (when I find time! This is the first time I've had more than 5 minutes to myself since school got out) about where Cate is sleeping and my family's attitude about it.
We're gearing up to take Cate to Kansas next weekend, and I am really really dreading it. Not the Kansas part, but the drive up there. That's a super long drive for Cate to be in a car seat, and for us to worry about her. I am super stressed over it.
I am slightly obsessed with the show Extreme Couponing on TLC. More on this later too.

I'm still reading blogs when I can, but still can't comment. Working on that in my spare time. (HA!)

How do they do it?

2011-06-14T06:14:00.000-07:00

I am not a worrier. I don't stress out about anything. I am a very laid-back person. I have a "ehh, whatever" attitude, which has gotten me in trouble before.

Someone forgot to tell my new parent-self that. I worry contstantly. Right now, Cate and Jeff are both asleep downstairs, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to run down there every ten minutes to make sure she's still breathing. If she's asleep and I'm not, you better believe I'm worried.

I have also lost the ability to enjoy such shows as Law and Order, NCIS, and Dexter. No matter how hard I try to avoid it, my mind envisions my family in the same situations. Cate kidnapped, Cate missing...you get the idea. Despite the fact that I know they're just TV shows. They scare me, and just add to my ever-growing list of anxieties.

How do parents do it? How do they ever relax enough to let their kid go to Grandma's for the night, or a sleepover, or a field trip? How will I, when I can't even let mine sleep without worrying?

In other news....

2011-06-07T19:06:00.000-07:00

Just a few updates and random bits from my life...

I made Cate laugh today. Not just once, but a couple times. It's the first time she's laughed. I think I'm more proud of this than I was of anything else in my life.

Speaking of pride, our standardized test results came in. In math and writing, exactly 1/2 my class got a commended score (meaning they missed less than 3 questions for each test) and in reading, I had 19 out of 22 commended. I'm pretty proud of that.

I'm more proud of making Cate laugh! :)

It's hot here. 100 degrees today. I. Love. It. Seriously. :)

One of my co-workers asked when I was going to try for number two. (Cause, you know, Cate's 12 weeks...it's time.) I told her it would be when we could afford it. She goes on to lecture me about how diapers and formula aren't THAT expensive. I stopped her mid-sentence and said "M. We have to save to get pregnant before we can worry about affording diapers." She was like "oh yeah."

There are 2 days of school left! It's glorified babysitting at this point. So ready to be done.

Did I mention I made Cate laugh?

Comments

2011-06-04T05:45:00.000-07:00

Blogger isn't letting me comment, like it's doing to so many other people. So, I'm writing a quick post instead. I'd like to mention everyone, but I think I only have 2 minutes, tops, before Cate wakes up.

Les, I'm so glad H is getting to stay with you a bit longer. I hope her stay continues! And I'm super jealous that you are done with school! We still have a week.

Christine, Piper is absolutely beautiful. Congratulations! And I *love* her name!

Kir, I loved your story about Jacob and Captain Pipe. It made me cry. :)

That's it! I hear crying. Love to you all!

Jealousy

2011-05-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

One of my teammates is pregnant. As in, she peed on a stick this morning and got a plus.

This is number 2 for her. Number 1 was an unexpected surprise.

She's been trying for exactly one month.

One.

I told her the other day that there would be a small part of me that would hate her if she got pregnant this month. She said she understood.

There is a small part of me that hates her.

And a large part of me that is so jealous, it makes me cry. How nice would it be to decide "hey, it's time for number 2. Let's to this." I keep thinking that if/when Jeff and I go for number 2, it's going to be a long drawn out process of finding the money, deciding if we want the same doctor or try to find a new one, picking a new donor since the one we used is sold out, doctor visits, medicine, OPKs, more money, more doctor visits, more stress.

I'm happy for her. I think it's funny that she went from "never having more children, ever" at the beginning of my pregnancy to actively trying by the time I got back from maternity leave. I'm excited that there will be another child on the team that's close to Cate's age.

But mostly I'm jealous.

Dobby

2011-05-26T09:23:00.000-07:00

I think we need to put Dobby to sleep.

Jeff and our dog trainer don't think he needs to be put down yet. They think with a new family, he can live a long and happy life.

I think it would be cruel to do that. Both to Dobby and the new family. In order to find a place where he could thrive, he would literally need no kids, no pets, one person, no electronics, nothing that makes weird noises, and a big yard. I guess I could give him to a caveman.

The Weim rescue won't take him. Not without a vet check and a thyroid test. We can't take him to the vet because he tried to bite everyone in the building last time.

I can't send him to the animal shelter. With his list of issues, he shouldn't be adoptable. The people who would take him would probably use him for dog fights or something. If no one did adopt him, they would put him down. I can't stand the idea of Dobby spending his last days thinking I abandonded him.

We can't keep him though. He snapped at me the other day. If he snaps at me, the person he trusts the most, what will he do to someone else?

What will he do to Cate?

He already spends his evenings staring at Cate. Like the washing machine and the TV, she makes noise and moves, so she's worthy of his obsession. It terrifies me, and I spend every evening beyond stressed.

I'm not sure a vet will do this though. Technically, he's never bitten anyone. Without seeing him in action, I don't think a vet would believe the laundry list of problems he has.

Sadly enough, this is the first thing on my to-do list once school is out. Maybe sooner.

This Kid

2011-05-20T07:23:00.000-07:00

I promised pictures of our beautiful daughter ages ago. So here they are! We'll start with a picture of Cate a few hours old.

Here she is a few minutes after being home. The dress she's in is the one I wore home from the hospital. I love this picture because she looks so small compared to now.

This is Cate laying next to my very old teddy bear.

A few days old. :)

Sleepy baby.

Holding her head up. She looked so confused.

One of my favorite pictures. She loooooves bathtime.

She's not terribly fond of the giant flowers, but they're so cute on her.

She gets this furtive look on her face, like she's plotting something. Love it.

Finally caught a smile on camera. I really had to work for it. Usually when I try to get one, she sticks her hand in her mouth. I think she does it on purpose.

I so love this kid. I think she's amazing. She is the most beautiful child ever. She only cries when she's super hungry. It cracks me up because she's started sticking out her bottom lip in the classic pout when she does. She also says "waaa" when she cries, which always makes me want to go "waaa" back at her. She has a fake cry she uses when she doesn't want to be alone. She is probably spoiled. Most nights (almost all) she sleeps through the night. She wakes up when she hears us up and moving around, which means during the week she wakes up between 5 and 6 and on the weekend she sleeps till 8. She's cool like that. Her favorite song is "Dancing Queen". I was watching Glee last week and when they sang that song, she turned and looked at the TV with a smile on her face. I sang it to her again after it was over, and she grinned at me the whole time. She loves it every time I sing it. (FYI, I despise AB.BA, but I'll sing it for her.) I could seriously go on and on, but I'll stop.

Hurt

2011-05-16T06:01:00.000-07:00

Something was said to me this weekend that was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me.

It physically hurts me. I feel like there is a hole in my chest, like I was punched. The words hurt that much.

I won't mention who said them or what they were, but they hurt.

Now I feel like I'm second-guessing everything I say or do. I'm afraid to talk, but I'm afraid not to. I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing.

I know this isn't making much sense. I'm sorry.

I think I need an anti-depressant.

My Mom

2011-05-06T06:15:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this before, but my mom is amazing. I've always thought so, but having Cate really brought it home for me.

I really can't imagine what would have happened that first week home from the hospital without her. I think I might have just sat on the couch and cried.

There's so much I want to say about her, but I'd fill up the internet, I think.

My mom is strong and smart and beautiful, and I am so grateful she's my mom. I hope I'm just like her when I grow up.

Mom, if you're reading this, Happy Mother's Day, and I love you.

Heigh Ho, Heigh ho...

2011-05-02T20:11:00.001-07:00

Today was my first day back to work.

Boy, was it hard.

My mom took the day off to watch Cate, since my scheduled babysitter (my little brother) had an interview today. (He just graduated with a Master's in mechanical engineering.)

I was a basket case. I had to force myself to leave, and still wound up leaving 15 minutes later than usual. Jeff stopped me at the door and asked if I was going to be all right, which just made me tear up.

I had tears in my eyes before I got out of the driveway. I spent the entire 30-minute drive to work taking deep breaths to keep from bawling. I managed to make it all the way to my classroom and actually was getting a little bit done when one of my team members walked in and asked how I was. I tried smiling at her, and wound up crying instead.

It seemed like everyone at the school said "Hey, welcome back. How you holding up?"

Everytime someone asked me that, I wanted to cry. I'd have been much better off if no one talked to me.

Luckily, my class was awesome. They said they really missed me, and I could tell they were really working hard to make sure I was having a good day. It did get easier to be away from Cate as the day went on, but I know tomorrow is going to be just as hard. Mostly because, as much as I love my little brother, leaving Cate with him is not the same as leaving her with my mom. He's going to get a text from me every 15 minutes.

27 more days.

Debbie Downer

2011-04-30T20:36:00.000-07:00

Pardon the "Debbie Downer" attitude, but this is a list of things that have happened in the last month:

Toliet broke.

Broken toliet flooded master bathroom, closet, guest bathroom, laundry room, and stair landing.

Soap dish falls off the wall of the shower, rendering shower unusable until it's put back on and grouted/resealed, etc.

We lose 2 boards in our fence, leaving a big gaping hole that the dogs fit through.

Upstairs AC dies.

Downstairs AC dies.

Toliet in half-bathroom starts leaking.

Battery in my car dies.

Hard drive on our main computer dies due to overheating (cause of the AC).

Jeff's pickup loses part of the tailgate, and a cover on the inside that helps seal the doors.

We recieve a hospital bill for $1,000 more than we were expecting.

I break the towel bar in the bathroom.*

I realize that it could be a million times worse, that there are people everywhere whose problems are much more serious than ours. I realize that we are incredibly lucky to have each other and our health.

But seriously!?

*I also realize that a towel bar isn't that big a deal, but on top of everything else it's just silly.

The Husband

2011-04-27T09:34:00.000-07:00

He posted a blog again (finally).

Go read it. It's a Bust a Myth post.

It's good.

I love him.

http://donttrythis-jeff.blogspot.com/

Bust a Myth: Infertility is a Private Matter

2011-04-25T00:00:00.000-07:00

Infertility is a Private Matter, Right?

A couple weeks ago
my husband showed off
pictures of our daughter
at work.
One of his coworkers
(insensitive cow)
says:
"Wow. She doesn't look
a thing like you.
Are you sure she's yours?"

My husband is not
the type of person
to suffer idiots.
He said:
"No. She's not mine,
genetically speaking.
We used donor sperm."

The cow...
excuse me,
coworker
was appalled.
Not because she had made
such a serious social blunder,
in saying something so rude,
but because my husband
so openly talked about
such a private matter.

After all,
Infertility is a private matter.
Right?

Infertility shouldn't be a private matter. The more we talk about it, the more coverage, knowledge, and support we have. So talk about it.

And yes, it's a true story.

It's National Infertility Awareness Week. Infertility affects 1 out of every 8 couples... like me. Find out how you can participate and provide support to 7.3 million people living with this disease: www.resolve.org/takecharge. This post is part of the Bust a Myth Bloggers Unite project.

Not What I Expected

2011-04-19T18:35:00.000-07:00

First off, I'd just like to say that my AC is out...and it was 95 here today. Suuucks.

I took Cate to the doctor today. She's had a rash/bumps on her face and head for about 2 weeks, and they just kept getting worse and worse. I finally made an appointment today to see if there was anything we could do for her. (I know what's causing them...she's allergic to laundry detergent, so every time someone holds her that doesn't use the same stuff we do, it gets worse.) Dr. M said not to put ANYTHING on it, and it should clear up. But that isn't the point of this post.

The point is, after the appointment I called my bestie to see if she wanted to get together, since I really didn't want to go back to the hot house. We decided to meet at a mall and do a bit of shopping.

The entire time, I wanted to be at home with Cate and Jeff.

Which led me to think about things being pregnant/giving birth/motherhood has changed in me. Some things I expected, some I didn't.

Expected:
Bigger boobs.
Exhaustion.
Stretch marks.

Unexpected:
Losing the ability to fall asleep. This one is big for me, since I've always been able to close my eyes and sleep, no matter where or when. Now, I lay in bed for an hour with my mind racing, which is not cool since I usually only get 2 1/2 hours of sleep at a time anyway.

Clenching my teeth. I don't know what's up with this one. I'm sitting here doing it right now. I go around like that all day. I realize I'm doing it and I try to stop, but as soon as I stop thinking about it, I start again. I NEVER used to do this.

My fuse has shortened. Even though my hair no longer grows in red, I still have the temper. Usually I have a long fuse, but lately I seem to be angry all the time. No. That's not accurate. I am not at all angry when I'm at home with Cate during the day. But my tolerance for the cat, dogs, and husband has declined massively. It's not fair to them, but I find myself so angry/frustrated with them all the time. I'm trying very hard to control it, but I'm not sure it's working.

I wanted to be home today instead of shopping. To me, this is the one change that concerns me the most. While I'm not an independent person, I am a person who likes my solitude, and likes to "get away" for a while. And today, all I could think about was how much I wanted to take Cate home to Jeff. In fact, if the thunderstorm/tornado warning hadn't kept me at the mall, I'd have left after 20 minutes. The whole drive home, I was so anxious to be home. I could barely stand it. And I realized it's not normal. At least, not for me.

What do you think? Maybe it's just my hormones still out of whack.

Perfect Moment Monday

2011-04-18T18:15:00.000-07:00

My first Perfect Moment Monday, and I have 3 for the day!

1: Getting to sleep four hours straight twice today. (8 hours...I forgot what it felt like.)

2:Getting to eat an entire meal from start to finish without a crying or fussy baby.

3: Holding Cate for the better part of an hour today while she slept, and not being concerned about putting her down to get stuff done. (That was the best one!)

Onesie

2011-04-16T19:23:00.001-07:00

My little brother is going to buy this onesie for Cate.

Can you see what it says? It says "Made with LOVE (and science)"

Is that not hilarious? I'm so excited about it.

Image courtesy of www.thinkgeek.com

A Laundry List of Chores

2011-04-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

First off, why do they call long lists of things laundry lists?

I have a ton of chores to do. For instance: the floors of my house (mostly wood and tile downstairs) have not been swept in a month. Literally.

There are piles of papers and coupons to sort through.

There are still thank-you cards to write and mail.

There are always bottles in the sink to be washed.

There is an entire bathroom that needs cleaned, since toliet water doesn't count.

There is a giant hole in our fence that allows our dogs to get into the neighbor's yard.

The floorboard of my car is covered with trash.

I am in the process of re-washing all the clothes in my closet that I can wear again, because something about the detergent or softener they were washed in 9 months ago causes dozens of tiny red bumps to break out all over Cate's body.

The laundry is the only thing that gets done. I spend the rest of the day playing with Cate, feeding her, or holding her while she sleeps. Or sleeping myself.

I need a maid. And a butler. And a cook. Any volunteers?

By the Numbers

2011-04-10T19:43:00.000-07:00

One baby with colic. Poor thing. Thankfully, it's not that bad. I hope it stays that way.

Four nights in a row I haven't wanted to kill one or all of the dogs. I think they're finally adjusting!

Ten point 4 pounds: How much Cate weighed at her 1 month appointment. Holy cow!

Two hours a day (roughly) I spend hooked up to the breast pump. Thank goodness it's not all in one sitting!

Twelve is the size of jeans I bought yesterday, and they're a little big! I was one pound away from my pre-pregnancy weight last week. I have no idea what I'm at now, since the Great Toliet Flood of '11 took out my scale.

Three hours of sleep at a time is what I average every night. Cate sleeps about 4 between feedings, which leaves me with about 3. I no longer remember what it feels like to be well-rested.

Ninety'th percentile: Cate's length. 22 1/2 inches, and I think she was wiggling.

Seventeen is the number of gallons of diet dr pepper I would like to consume every day. I'm still on one serving.

I have to say, I think we have an uncommonly good newborn. People keep asking us if we're exhausted getting up every couple hours, if we're sooo tired of the crying and the pooping and the crying. Really, Cate is awesome. She's so laid-back. She sleeps through the dogs barking and Jeff snoring, she hardly ever cries, and even when she does, they're rarely full-blown cries. Except with the colic, but that's recent, and usually only in the evenings. She sleeps about 4 hours at a time at night, and last night she slept 5. She will lay in her bassinet and talk to herself if she's alone, and she even started smiling at us this week. She is absolutely amazing. I could write pages about all the amazing things she does, and how absolutely precious she is, but I won't. At least not today... :) We are so in love.

I'll get you some pictures soon!

A Dilemma

2011-04-03T15:12:00.000-07:00

I would like to talk to you about breastfeeding.

Of course, you don't have to listen...(or read, as the case may be.) I don't mind.

Before Cate was born, I was almost postive I would hate BFing (ha ha...that looks weird) and would not be able to do it. I was prepared for that. I was fully prepared, mentally at least, to feed her formula and go right on with my life.

I was not prepared for how much I would love feeding her.

Nor was I prepared for how much it hurt, in the beginning. By day 2 of Cate's life, my nip.ples were cracked and bleeding. I finally managed to ask the nurse about it, and got some lanolin and some awesome gel pads, which helped a lot. But it still hurt so much that by the time we were home on Monday, I had decided to stop altogether. She had one full day of nothing but formula.

Tuesday, my milk came in. So I completely reversed Monday's decision and decided to try pumping and BFing. Jeff and I went and spent an obscene amount of money on a breat pump (well worth it, BTW). I pumped for a few days, until I felt healed enough to try and nurse Cate again, and gave her formula when it wasn't enough.

Now, here's my issue, and I'm hoping someone can help me with it. I started to BF Cate and then pump when she was done after about a week of just pumping. And I got a clogged and infected milk duct. I let off the BFing b/c of the pain and just pumped until it felt better. Once it did, I started BFing again and pumping after, and again, I got a clogged and infected milk duct.

I don't know why this happens. Much to my surprise, I want to breastfeed my daughter. But I do not want to go through that kind of pain every 3 or 4 days. Right now, I pump and she gets bottles. It works well for me and Jeff, since he can feed her at night while I pump. And it will help when I go back to work. But I want to be able to breastfeed her too. Unfortunately, I'm just too scared.

Does anyone have any suggestions??

My toliet is possessed...

2011-04-01T18:18:00.001-07:00

I never thought I'd be thankful for poopy diapers...but I sure am today. Our toliet in the master bathroom has been on the fritz for ages. Sometimes when you flush it, it just keeps running. When that happened, one of us would hear it and go jiggle the handle. Worked every time. Well, today, it decided it didn't like that. I'm not entirely sure what happened. All I know is that Jeff took Cate into our bedroom to change her diaper, then yelled "Julie, get in here!" (Which, BTW, scared the living crap out of me, because of course I thought something was wrong with Cate.) So I go running in there, and there is, no joke, at leat 2 inches of water covering our bathroom floor. The water managed to soak our closet, which is right off the bathroom, and the laundry room and half-bathroom, which are behind our closet, and a bit into the garage, where we have a ton of boxes stored. It also managed to somehow soak the landing at the bottom of the stairs. Still not sure how that happened, since the closet was not wet all the way over there. Who knows. What I do know is that:

We currently do not have a toliet that works downstairs.

The closet carpet still squishes underfoot.

The sound of the wet/dry vac puts Cate to sleep immediately.

I am super-grateful for poopy diapers. It would have been much, much worse if we hadn't caught it when we did.

Scattered

2011-03-28T18:57:00.000-07:00

There are soooo many things I want to write about. Aside from how in love we are, the top three things are: breastfeeding, the dogs, and our uncommonly good newborn. Where to start?

How about the dogs, since the dog in question is currently looking over my shoulder as I type. Remember Dobby?

Yes, that's me, pregnant and clothed, sitting in the bathtub with Dobby. Don't ask... :)

Dobby is our 90+ lb, neurotic Weim. Back in February, we hired a well-known dog training company to a) help us get the dogs ready for a baby and b) help us with Dobby's craziness. While the guy has really helped us with a lot of things, Dobby's behavior managed to stump him.

Dobby gets obsessed with things. One day while the trainer was here, he was obsessed with the ceiling fan. I took a video of him running around like crazy, the trainer took it to his meeting the next day, his bosses sent it to to the big kahunas. Bottom line: in the 50,000 dogs the company has trained world wide, they've only seen one dog act like Dobbs. And that dog had to be put down. Brain tumor. We're kind of at a loss with him right now. He needs lots of medical attention we just can't afford at the moment, but we can't put it off much longer.

I bring all this up because, like I said, Dobby gets obsessed with things. He likes to stand and stare for hours, like he's doing right now with the computer screen. And one of his current favorite things to stare at is Cate. I'm sure you can imagine how I like that. Usually he just stares and then runs around the house in circles, then stares again. But he has been known to stick his nose in the fire (literally), and occasionally tries biting the washing machine. I don't want him to think Cate is like the washing machine.

The other two dogs are handling Cate pretty well. Winky pretty much ignores her, and Kreacher just wants to sniff her all the time. I'm pretty sure Kreacher thinks she's a squeaky toy. Her hiccups do make her sound like one. :)

I'll stop here for tonight. Other topics can wait. But before I'm done, would you please check out this gorgeous girl? I'm amazed by her.

It's a bit blurry, but she's totally flipping the camera off. HA!

Why, Hello There

2011-03-19T15:27:00.000-07:00

I have so much to say...

But every time I sit down to write a post, my mind goes blank.

All I can think to say is that I have the most beautiful and perfect daughter in the world.

I'm afraid you're going to get a lot of that.

I would like to tell you about her birth. How she screamed for the first two hours of her life nonstop. How her left collarbone broke during delivery.

I'd like to tell you about her first week home. Her three visits to the pediatrician for jaundice. Her sleeping on her daddy's chest.

I'd like to tell you how I'm doing. How much harder and cooler breastfeeding is than I expected. How much I love being able to type right now with my leg on the compter desk. How much I currently hate how my belly looks.

I would like to tell you what my mental state is like. How there are times when I am completely overwhelmed with amazement. How there are times when I am completely overwhelmed with fear. How last night was the first night since we've been home that I didn't get out of bed every time I woke up to make sure she was still breathing.

There's lots I would like to tell you. For now, please accept these very small bits of info. Hopefully my mind will slow down enough for me to coherently write a post or two or three. For now, know that I am amazed and in love.

Oh Baby. Cate is Here!!!

2011-03-11T13:12:00.000-08:00

Welcome the arrival of Catherin Vaughn Winkler. 8 lbs 11 oz. 21.25 inchs.

Today's To-Do List

2011-03-10T03:59:00.000-08:00

Sleep Late on our last day without a baby. Ha. We were both awake by 5:30, and as it's 6am now, I think this one didn't work. Too worked up, I guess.
Eat a big breakfast, since the hospital expects me to not eat again for 8 hours. I'm going to have to call them on this one.
Get a pedicure and an eyebrow wax. Maybe the rubbing will set off labor and we won't have to induce tonight.
Clear off the clutter on the dining room table, even though we don't eat in there b/c the chairs still don't have seats.
Put seats on chairs? (Ha. That one probably won't happen.)
Clean up floor in closet, so I can actually put the clothes from the laundry room in the closet. (Pathetic, I know.)
Try not to freak out.

It was so weird going to sleep last night, knowing that the next time Jeff and I sleep in that bed, Cate will be in her own, 2 feet away.

It's going to be a really, really long day.

Finally, something definite.

2011-03-08T15:56:00.000-08:00

I went to the Stockyards with my 4th graders on Friday. Saturday and Sunday I walked. A lot. (At least it felt like a lot to me!) I went to work yesterday, but decided that mental health-wise, I was done! I took today off (even though I wound up spending an hour and a half there) and took the rest of the week off too.

I went to the doctor today and....I am dialated! Only a centimeter (and a wiggle, as Dr. P put it), but it's finally something! She also took some measurements of the kid, was surprised how much she wiggled the entire time, and was surprised how long her leg is. (She could only get one, with the movement.) She also thinks that Cate is about 8 1/2 pounds, and doesn't want her getting any bigger. So, if she doesn't come on her own tomorrow, we begin induction Thursday night!

It's such a relief to have something definite, a date and a time, even if it's just when I check into the hospital. However, it's awesome (and terrifying) to know that I will have a baby in my arms by Saturday. Mostly terrifying, now that I think about it....

39 Weeks

2011-03-04T16:16:00.000-08:00

How far along? 39 Weeks

Total weight gain? 25 lbs

Symptoms? Oh, not much. Just a humongous belly that gets in the way of EVERYTHING I try to do. Oh, and lots of heartburn. As if I could forget that.

Stretch Marks? Lots and lots and lots...and lots.

Sleep? It's shot. I was sleeping pretty good until last week or so. Now I'm not sure why I bother.

Best Moment last week? I'll tell you that at the end of the post. :)

Movement? She has been extremely active. I keep telling her if she's just come out she'd have plenty of room.

Food Cravings? nope

What I miss? Just being able to sit and lay down comfortably. And not peeing when I sneeze.
And being able to sit for more than a minute without some appendage falling asleep.

What I am looking forward to? Her arrival. We're so close.

Milestones? I made it through the TAKS test and the Stockyards field trip.

How is Daddy? As ready as I am. Not sure if it's because he's excited to meet her or just tired of me complaining. :)

My best moment last week was in the car in our driveway with Mom and Jeff. Jeff checked the mail (we only remember to once in a blue moon) and in the huge pile of stuff was a red envelope with our names on it from California. Jeff was stumped, since we don't know anyone out west. It turned out to be the sweetest card and gift ever from Foxy. A card that left me (and the others, I think) crying, and an adorable bonnett made from an antique handkerchief for Cate.

Foxy, thank you so much. I don't really have the words to tell you what it means to me. I'm going to hope you just get it, like you so often do.

I am headed out to do lots of walking tomorrow! Keep your fingers crossed.

UGH

2011-03-03T17:21:00.000-08:00

So, I was fully prepared to go in to my appt today and hear something along the lines of "why yes, we will induce this weekend." Instead, I got a call saying that Dr. P had to do a surgery, and did I want to reschedule or see the other doctor. Since I'm headed to the Ft. Worth Stockyards tomorrow with the 4th grade, I elected to see the other doctor.

What a mistake.

She was incredibly rude. She didn't understand why Dr. P would have scheduled an ultrasound to measure the baby, since that would take a whole half an hour. We explained that she was concerned about fluid and size, and the other doc just blew it off. She did agree to check the fluid (it was fine), but that was it.

I am still not dialated at all, she didn't tell me if I was any more effaced. (She also didn't tell us the heartrate, which annoyed me.) I did manage to gain 2 centimeters of belly in a week. (That's up 4 1/2 in 2 weeks, when you're supposed to gain 1 a week.)

I really wish now that I had rescheduled and just done my best to be there. I really wanted to talk with Dr. P about how uncomfortable I am, how I can't even wipe myself on the toliet without doing crazy preggo contortionist acts, how tired and emotional I am...

Oh well. Tomorrow I'm 39 weeks, and I plan on doing a LOT of walking. Bring it on.

Nursery Pictures!!

2011-02-27T14:42:00.000-08:00

Took long enough, I know. My camera's battery died before I could get close-ups of some things, like the ladybugs on the curtains and dresser knobs, and it's way too far to walk downstairs for more batteries, so maybe another day. But, without further ado....

Cate's nursery!

Jeff airbrushed the ferns and the ladybugs, and painted the letters. My mom made the bedding.

I am still not over how much I love the pink
and green damask material. I loved it in October when we found it, and I'm still crazy about it. My mom did an amazing job with the whole thing!

We found the dresser at a re-sale shop and touched up the paint. The knobs are hot pink with little black ladybugs on them, but you can't see it. I have all her headbands and hats stored in the baskets on the wall, along with all the oversized flowers to clip onto the headbands. :)

My mom also made the curtains, which have little pink ladybugs embroidered in the corners. I just realized you can't see the super-cute striped valances she made also. I will have to take another picture for those! Also, the lamp may be my favorite thing about the room, besides the fabric on the crib!

So excited!

This and That and Bad Advice

2011-02-27T08:09:00.000-08:00

First off...

That's me, last week. Sitting as comfortably as possible at a local food place. I am whale-like. And I think I'm bigger now...

Any person who ever tells a pregnant woman that she should enjoy her sleep now should be kicked in the shins. HARD. While I will admit that my sleep has not been bad at all, the last week or so that has drastically changed. I would like to ask how I am supposed to enjoy my sleep when I have to pee constantly and every sleeping position is painful? Maybe there's a magic word I'm missing.

Went shopping yesterday with Jeff and my mom. Some lady at the fabric store told Jeff (not me thankfully. I would have just given her a deadpan stare. Jeff managed to laugh it off.) to NEVER teach our baby to walk or talk, because then all she would do is sass us and walk out of the room.

Thank you, Complete Stranger, for taking something we've worked so hard for and are still scared about, and putting a completely negative spin on it. It really helped.

Has everyone seen those "Mompetition" videos? I really felt like I was in one yesterday. We stopped at this adorable little children's boutique that we knew would be too expensive (burp rags 2 for $24!) but had the cutest clothes I've ever seen! Anyway, we were standing there talking to the employee/owner (not sure) and my mom mentioned that I've had a really easy pregnancy, and I was really lucky. Jeff dropped in that it was good, since we had not had an easy time getting pregnant. OH MY GOODNESS. This woman wanted to know exactly what we'd gone through, how many times, why we did IUI. We finally wound up telling her we used DS, which I found uncomfortable. Then, she sat and told us about everything she had to do to get pregnant. While I will giver her this: her road was definitely crappier than ours, it was not a pleasant conversation. What could have been a supportive, encouraging talk between two IFers was a competition over whose journey had been worse. So awkward.

My donut store lady says I have at least 2 weeks before I go into labor. She had a couple reasons why, but her English isn't so hot, so I'm not sure what they were. 2 weeks ago, I'd be praying she is right. At this point, I'm praying the doctor is. I guess Cate will decide.

I am leaving this minute to go put Cate's name on the nursery wall (or at least watch Jeff do it) so we WILL have nursery pictures up today!

38 Weeks

2011-02-25T19:47:00.000-08:00

How far along? 38 Weeks

Total weight gain? 24 lbs

Symptoms? Just the never-ending heartburn. And my belly is officially too big for me to see the cup I'm supposed to pee in at the doctor's office. I peed all over my hand at the last appointment. It sucked.

Stretch Marks? Lots and lots and lots

Sleep? Not so great. I wake up ALOT.

Best Moment last week? My first contraction! (isn't it weird that's the best moment?)

Movement? Never get tired of it, even though it has hit the point where most of her stretching is painful to me. I pretty much have to have a hand on my stomach pushing back at her at all times.

Food Cravings? Eh. I totally wanted some lemonade for about 20 minutes today, then I got over it.

What I miss? Just being able to sit and lay down comfortably. And not peeing when I sneeze.

What I am looking forward to? Her arrival. We're so close.

Milestones? The doc telling me any day!

How is Daddy? Over-thinking things....I think he's excited! :)

A Quick Update

2011-02-24T15:54:00.000-08:00

Went to my weekly dr. appointment this afternoon...

She measured my belly (2 1/2 weeks ahead), checked my cervix (nothing), then says "Well, I think if you haven't gone into labor by next week, we'll do an ultrasound just to see how she's doing."

Wait, what?

That's right folks. My doctor would not be surprised if I go into labor within the week.

And there I thought I had another 2 weeks....

Oh dear.

Advice, por favor!

2011-02-20T20:54:00.000-08:00

So, there are a few last-minute baby-related things I would like some advice on, if you have it. First off: baby monitors. I know, we have less than 3 weeks, we probably ought to have one by now. And we do. But it's an under the mattress motion monitor we bought at a garage sale, and I will admit I'm freaking out b/c 1. it won't work in the bassinet downstairs and 2. it only works in the crib, so if she falls asleep in her swing in the living room, I have no monitor. I need one that I can move around the house, preferrably with 2 parent units. Any suggestions?

Secondly: bathtubs. We don't have a baby tub yet, and have no idea what to get. A plain plastic one? The one with all the bells and whistles like a detachable shower head? Please advise. I have no clue.

Thirdly: (is that a word?) formula. I am planning on trying to breastfeed. That being said, I don't have a lot of faith it's going to work, and even if it does, I'll have to stop when I go back to work, because there is no way I can pump at school. Does anyone reccomend a specific formula? (Or bottles, or nipples, or anything related?)

I think that's it. At least for today. Tomorrow I might have another dozen things. You never know!

37 Weeks

2011-02-19T19:37:00.000-08:00

How far along? 37 Weeks

Total weight gain? 24 lbs

Symptoms? Just the never-ending heartburn. And my belly is officially too big for me to see the cup I'm supposed to pee in at the doctor's office. It's awkward.

Stretch Marks? Lots and lots and lots

Sleep? Not too bad. Definitely tired no matter how much I get though.

Best Moment last week? The surprise mini-shower my class gave me during the Valentine's Day party. They had cookies with rattles and baby carriages, some onesies and bibs, the jumper/exersaucer we wanted, and a book the kids wrote on why I'll be a good mom. It was way cool.

Movement? Never get tired of it, even though it has hit the point where most of her stretching is painful to me. I pretty much have to have a hand on my stomach pushing back at her at all times.

Food Cravings? Not really. It's one of those pregnancy symptoms that I was really looking forward to, but I've had such a good pregnancy I'm not going to complain.

What I miss? Just being able to sit and lay down comfortably.

What I am looking forward to? Her arrival. We're so close.

Milestones? I am officially full term!

How is Daddy? I think he's getting stressed. Nerves, probably.

In the next few days, I'll have nursery pictures up!

36 Weeks

2011-02-11T15:40:00.001-08:00

How far along? 36 Weeks

Total weight gain? 23 lbs

Symptoms? Just the never-ending heartburn. Can't complain too much.

Stretch Marks? Lots and lots and lots

Sleep? I actually think I've been sleeping better this past week or so. Maybe I'm just so tired I don't remember waking up!

Best Moment last week? Finishing our childbirth class. Terrifying, and I'm glad it's out of the way.

Movement? Never get tired of it.

Food Cravings? Not terribly. I crave water in the evenings, but don't drink it after 3 or 4 pm, cause it gives me hearburn. Ridiculous, I know.

What I miss? being able to lean forward. That's out.

What I am looking forward to? Finishing the d*** nursery! Seriously, I'm starting to get worried. It's all cosmetic stuff, but still.

Milestones? Officially less than a month left!

How is Daddy? Helpful. He lets me sit when the dogs need in or out, gets things for me, and hauled butt back from Austin yesterday to make it to childbirth class.

35 Weeks

2011-02-04T08:32:00.000-08:00

Jeff and I are on day 4 of our six-day weekend. No, it wasn't planned. We're on our (amazingly) 4th snow day of the week! The first three probably should have been defined as ice days, but today it's hard to believe there's at least an inch of ice under all the pretty snow.

I woke up yesterday with a double ear infection. I haven't felt pain like that in a long time. Most of yesterday was spent braving the ice for a doctor appointment and then picking up the prescription. And being in pain. Then last night, my mother-in-law suggested some OTC stuff they have to numb the pain. So we braved the ice again to go get some. It paired with the antibiotic helped, because finally about 2 last night they both stopped hurting. My right ear is still completely stopped up, I can't hear a thing out of it. But no pain.

Also, today is my birthday. I'm 27!

How far along? 35 Weeks

Total weight gain? I forgot to weigh myself this morning, but when I did on Wednesday, I was at 21 lbs.

Symptoms? Heartburn. Overwhelming sense of fear....oh wait. That's probably not a symptom.
Stretch Marks? Many

Sleep? Actually been pretty good this week, up until the ear thing

Best Moment last week? Making it through the breastfeeding class without passing out!

Movement? Never get tired of it.

Food Cravings? Eh. Not really.

What I miss? Breathing. Being able to sit up to type and eat. I have to lean back, and I just don't do that!

What I am looking forward to? My mom finished the bumper for the crib, so I'm looking forward to putting that on.

Milestones? Only 5 weeks!

How is Daddy? Cute. He's the one who stopped and wanted to buy baby clothes at the store on Tuesday!

Big Step

2011-01-30T18:35:00.001-08:00

I took a big step today. Well, it was a big step for me, anyway.

I washed some of the baby stuff.

Sheets, a mattress pad, and lots of clothes.

I had to take the tags off first.

Let me repeat that, because it seems so small written up there on the screen.

I took the tags off baby clothes, and I washed them.

I've avoided that very thing this entire pregnancy, because it feels like tempting fate.

With less than six weeks to go, I figure the fate I'm tempting would be for her to come early, and me to have no washed sheets for her to sleep on.

Deep breath.

34 Weeks

2011-01-29T15:13:00.000-08:00

How far along? 34 Weeks, 1 day

Total weight gain? 22 lbs. Although my mom says I actually look thinner, and that the weight is all in my stomach. So that's something...

Symptoms? Heartburn. Overwhelming sense of fear....oh wait. That's probably not a symptom.

Stretch Marks? Many

Sleep? Wake up to turn over, wake up cause of the heartburn, but other than that it's not too bad.

Best Moment last week? Not catching the flu with at least 30 of our students out with it. Believe me, that's a great thing.

Movement? Never get tired of it.

Food Cravings? Eh. Not really.

What I miss? Breathing. Being able to sit up to type and eat. I have to lean back, and I just don't do that!

What I am looking forward to? Finishing the nursery. It's almost there!

Milestones? First childbirth class is out of the way. 2 more, plus breastfeeding and parenting classes.

How is Daddy? I don't think the childbirth class scared him as much as it scared me. Which is totally not fair!

I went to the cardiovascular specialist on Monday, and they said my heart was "perfect", so we know that's not causing the dizziness. Dr. P called at 8:45 Wednesday night, while I was in the bathtub and Jeff couldn't be bothered to reach the 2 feet to answer my cell phone, so she left a message. She said I am anemic and to up my iron intake, and also to let her know if I have any problems contacting the other specialist. Since I can't find his business card, I would asssume it's a problem, but since I go see her on Thursday anyway, I'll just talk to her then.

When Jeff and I walked into the hospital lobby for childbirth class on Thursday, there was an L&D nurse just getting off the elevator, and she looked at me and asked "Is it time!?" Uhhhh. NO! Seriously. I still have six weeks. I shouldn't look this big!

33 Weeks

2011-01-22T19:50:00.000-08:00

How far along? 33 Weeks, 1 day

Total weight gain? 20 lbs. It's getting to the point where I'd just rather not say...

Symptoms? Heartburn. Not sure if I've mentioned that...

Stretch Marks? Of course.

Sleep? Wake up to turn over, wake up cause of the heartburn, but other than that it's not too bad.

Best Moment last week? Baby shower :)

Movement? Lots. It's so cool to be able to sit and watch my stomach move on it's own.

Food Cravings? Sushi. Ice cream. I want lots of ice cream.

What I miss? Breathing.

What I am looking forward to? Finishing the nursery. It's almost there!

Milestones? 33 weeks is surely a milestone.

How is Daddy? Painting the nursery! He's good.

Doctor's note, please?

2011-01-20T17:27:00.000-08:00

I had a doctor appointment today. (Loving going every two weeks, BTW. Doesn't bother me a bit.) I had four questions to ask her walking in, and she managed to ask me about two of them before I got to ask her. However, that was where the coolness ended.

Last appointment, I mentioned that I had been shaky/dizzy/lightheaded that week, and that the school nurse actually sent me home. Well, that shaky/dizzy/lightheaded business has continued pretty regularly since then. Dr. P said it's perfectly normal for pregnant women to pass out, but that the circumstances that are making me feel that way are not the normal ones. (It usually happens in the morning, it's not blood sugar or blood pressure, it's not a change of position, etc.) Instead, there are times where I can't stand for more than a minute, or, like this morning, I get dizzy while sitting in my chair. So, she's sending me to get a cardiovascular ultrasound and an EKG, and when that's over, she's sending me to a high-risk pregnancy doc so he can look at things. Oh, and she's running some bloodwork on me in the meantime.

While all of that sounds nice and terrifying, she told Jeff while I was getting my blood drawn that she doesn't think it's that serious and that it's probably just an exaggerated pregnancy symptom (not that I'm exaggerating, my body is), but that she wanted to be sure. Awesome.

On the bright side, I got a doctor's note excusing me from our field trip in two weeks, since the entire field trip is hiking around in the woods for a day. In February. That's one I'm perfectly fine with missing.

I call heart doctor tomorrow, and call high-risk doctor after I see the first one. I guess I'll let ya know.

How is pregnancy like a paper cut?

2011-01-18T09:11:00.000-08:00

Or, to be even more vague,

"How is a raven like a writing desk?"

I couldn't sleep last night and though up an awesome blog post about how it feels to carry a baby that is half stranger. But of course, I can't remember much of it this morning, except that I had compared it to a paper cut. So bear with me.

When we first got our azoo diagnosis, and we realized that children that were biologically "ours" were out of the question, I felt like I'd been shot. I felt like I was going to bleed to death from the pain of it. Of course, that pain has dulled. Had it not, I'm not sure I would be a functioning human being.

It still hurts though. But it feels more like a paper cut than a bullet hole. How?

Think about a paper cut. A deep one. Sure, it hurts like the dickens, and you're irritated that you just got a paper cut, because really, how useless is that? But the pain fades until you go and use antibacterial stuff or get dish soap in it. Then it stings just as much as it did when you got it.

This DS thing is kind of like that.

Actually, it's a lot like that. It hurt to begin with, that this baby didn't ever have the chance to inherit my husband's gorgeous blue eyes or is perpetual energy or his ability to have a conversation with a tree stump.

Most of the time, I don't think about that. Most of the time, I think about our daughter, and how loved she already is, and how awesome it'll be when she gets here.

But then, something will happen to bring the sting back. Like a complete stranger commenting on how curly her hair is sure to be when they see Jeff and I together. Or conversations about other babies and which parent they look like the most, and knowing that while these conversations will surely happen about Cate, Jeff, and I, they will be skewed. I assume these things will always sting, like a never-ending, never-healing paper cut.

And really, how useless is that?

32 Weeks

2011-01-14T18:27:00.001-08:00

How far along? 32 weeks

Total Weight Gain? 19 lbs

Symptoms? Heartburn.

Stretch Marks? Too many to think about.

Sleep? Better than it was. Sleeping naked helps, even though then I freeze. In fact, the other night, I managed to sleep 5 straight hours!

Best Moment Last Week? Getting the email from my team to the whole school inviting everyone to the staff baby shower. It's probably the only one I'll have, and it made me smile (and cry. The girl who wrote the invite made it super sweet.)

Movement? I'm slowly getting to distinguish between a kick and a roll, which is cool.

Food Cravings? Sushi

What I miss? Being able to stand for more than 5 minutes without getting lightheaded.

What I am looking forward to? Baby shower on Wednesday!

Milestones? Only 8 weeks left!

How is Daddy? Cute. We toured the L&D yesterday at the hospital, and he stood and stared at the 1 baby in the nursery.

31 Weeks

2011-01-07T19:05:00.000-08:00

How far along? 31 weeks

Total Weight Gain? 17 lbs

Symptoms? Heartburn still tops the list. Exhaustion, although that may just be school.

Stretch Marks? Lots, unfortunately. I have about 8 small ones on my stomach, but my hips and thighs are covered. It's slightly ridiculous.

Sleep? Actually managed to get a couple good nights of sleep this week. Had to sleep naked to do it, which makes it much colder, but hey, I'll take what I can get. Really missing my electric blanket.

Best Moment Last Week? Feeling her kick all the time. I find it amazing.

Movement? Yes. Lots. In fact, she's starting to hit and kick hard enough it hurts. I had three people ask me this week if I was ok because I was making faces when she kicked. I was fine, she's just strong! :)

Food Cravings? Nope. Not really.

What I miss? Being able to bend over comfortably, and stand up comfortably. Oh, and being able to walk faster than a sloth without losing my breath. Oh, and being able to say more than three sentences without losing my breath.

What I am looking forward to? Refinishing the dresser for the nursery. It's a used one we bought last week, and it needs sanded down and repainted. I probably can't do the painting, but I can sand and do the detail work.

Milestones? This whole pregnancy feels like one big milestone.

How is Daddy? Go ask him. He needs to get on his blog more anyway.

Thanks for the comments about the breastfeeding thing. Foxy, I plan on taking a class at the end of the month. Maybe they'll have advice, but like I said, I don't think I'll be too torn up about it if I can't. I don't plan on letting it define me as a mother.

On Tuesday, I got sent home by the school nurse. I was shaky, dizzy, and seeing spots. Tuesday was the worst, but anytime I stand up for more than 20 minutes (sometimes less) the feeling comes back. I asked the doctor about it at my appointment yesterday and was told it could be:
a) the baby is laying on an artery.
b)my sodium is too high ( she didn't think it was this, since my ankles aren't swollen)
c)I'm fighting off a cold or something (the way I feel at the moment, this seems likely)
d)my heart is stressed out, and I need an EKG.

The last choice is a little worrisome. I was told to keep my feet propped up as much as possible and to call on Monday if I was still feeling the same. I gotta say, teaching from my chair with my feet propped up makes me feel like the laziest teacher ever, but I don't feel a bit guilty about it. :)

Did you really just ask me that?

2011-01-05T18:44:00.000-08:00

There are exactly two people in the world who NEED to know whether or not I'm breastfeeding: My husband and my doctor. So why is it that every woman who's had a child (and some men) and some people without kids but who obviously know better than me anyway seem to think it's their business?

I find this much more annoying than people rubbing my belly. (Although, I was pretty annoyed when our former dog trainer reached out and rubbed my belly when we bumped into her at the store. She jerked her hand away when I looked at her, like maybe I didn't notice. Idiot.)

People just don't seem satisfied with my generic answer of "I plan on trying." They want to know why I would try and then stop. They want to know how long I'll try. They want to tell me all the horrible things that will happen to my daughter if I don't breastfeed her until she's 13.

Truth is, I can't stand to have my nipples touched. I don't even like touching them myself. While I'm praying to get over that for the sake of my child, there's no guarantee I will. It's very likely that I just won't be able to handle it and will have to switch to formula immediately. I am fine with that. I won't beat myself up if I can't breastfeed. But I may have to beat other people up if they can't butt out.

I'm sorry this post is so bitchy. Going back to school did not put me in a good mood, so the more heartfelt, less bitchy post I'd like to write has taken a back seat for a few days.

30 Weeks

2010-12-31T08:57:00.000-08:00

How far along? 30 weeks

Total Weight Gain? 16 lbs

Symptoms? Heartburn still tops the list.

Stretch Marks? Lots, unfortunately. I have about 8 small ones on my stomach, but my hips and thighs are covered. It's slightly ridiculous.

Sleep? Very not good. I'm awake all the time, and not comfortable when I am able to sleep.

Best Moment Last Week? Coming home to a painted nursery! My mom, stepdad, and brother did an amazing job painting the nursery, putting the crib together, and getting furniture in the room. It's exciting!

Movement? More and more. She still moves the most when I'm laying down. Sometimes she keeps me awake, but not too often.

Food Cravings? No, and I'm kind of surprised by that. Other than dairy products, I really haven't craved anything.

What I miss? Being able to bend over comfortably, and stand up comfortably. Oh, and being able to walk faster than a sloth without losing my breath. Oh, and being able to say more than three sentences without losing my breath.

What I am looking forward to? Honestly, I've hit that point where every other thought in my head is "Oh my God, we only have 10 weeks left!" That's not very much. I'm suddenly trying not to look forward at all. At least, not more than 20 minutes or so...

Milestones? 30 Weeks!

How is Daddy? He's good. He put his hand on my stomach yesterday morning when I was trying to go back to sleep. I did, but Cate apparently kicked him for a while. He also put together the stroller he is super proud of.

I realize this is TMI...(Updated)

2010-12-29T15:56:00.000-08:00

...so it's perfectly ok if you skip this post altogether. But...

I apparently have a hemorrhoid. Apparently common during pregnancy, especially if you sit for long periods of time (9 1/2 hour trip to Kansas and back?). Also common if you suffer from constipation. However, what is not common is rectal (hate that word) bleeding from one. So the bleeding that started at noon today and has not yet stopped six hours later is not a normal side effect of a hemorrhoid. But, of course I waited six hours to look it up instead of looking it up immediately and having time to call my doctor. Now I have to wait until tomorrow to call her. And, of course, now I'm in pain AND nervous, as opposed to just being in pain.

Note: I am sure it is rectal bleeding, which is I why I waited so long. I didn't think it was that big a deal. Apparently though, any bleeding, rectal or otherwise, is during pregnancy. 14 hours is a long time to wait....

UPDATE: Called the doctor today. It took them 2 hours to call me back, which made me think it wasn't that serious anyway. And it wasn't. The nurse said that since I didn't feel any pain before the bleeding started, I probably just tore something (lovely, right?) and to let Dr. P know next week if it happens again. If Cate's kicks were anything to go by, it certainly didn't seem to bother her one bit!

29 Weeks

2010-12-24T11:13:00.000-08:00

How far along? 29 Weeks

Total Weight Gain? No idea, since I'm no where near a scale.

Symptoms? Heartburn and back aches (sounds like a country song)

Stretch Marks? I have a bunch of small ones starting on my stomach. They're maybe as long as my fingernail is wide. They don't bother me as much though. I just keep telling myself they're signs Cate is growing.

Sleep? Awake constantly. Wake up to turn over. Wake up to pee. Wake up again for no reason. And to add to that, we're in Kansas right now, and it takes an act of Congress for me to manage to get out of bed in the middle of the night, since I sleep sandwiched between the wall and Jeff. I'm sure calamity is coming, but so far I've avoided it.

Best Moment Last Week? Feeling her move. I can't get enough of it!

Movement? The past few days, her movement has really increased! She still moves the most when I'm laying down. She kicked so hard yesterday she actually managed to wake me up from my nap.

Food Cravings? Milk.

What I miss? My balance. Being able to put pants on without falling over. Being able to reach things on the floor. Being able to get off the couch without help. ha ha. Yeah, I'm leaving those, but adding being able to put on my socks without losing my breath.

What I am looking forward to? Our next appointment. We've officially hit the point where we go every 2 weeks instead of every month. Yay!

Milestones? Made it all the way to Kansas in the car. That is a milestone!

How is Daddy? Cate finally kicked him a few times in a row, hard enough that I didn't have to ask him if he felt it. He was super excited!

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I managed to get a few minutes on a computer today, but I'm pretty sure that won't happen again for at least a week. You are all in my thoughts!

Update, and video of Cate

2010-12-21T13:02:00.000-08:00

Appointment went great today. Dr. P was only going to measure my stomach and listen to the heart rate when I asked her when our next ultrasound would be. She decided to measure my stomach and then tell me. Apparently, your stomach is supposed to grow about a cm a week. So, mine should have measured 28 cm, but since it measured 31.5 (holy crap!), she squeezed me in for a growth scan!

I am 28 weeks and 4 days, Cate is measuring 29 weeks and 2 days. She weighs 2.63 pounds already. We got the sonogram recorded and that's what the video below is. The first part is her measuring fluid and limbs, then you get to see her face! (Or you can skip it altogether. I won't be offended.) The green letters look kinda like they say MALE, but the sonographer checked, and she's still a girl.

In Which I'm All Over the Place

2010-12-20T18:59:00.001-08:00

Had a lovely weekend. I got to spend Saturday doing Christmas with my dad's side of the family and really enjoyed seeing them, even though I wasn't allowed to hug my cousin's five-year old, H, since she was recovering from the flu. Poor girl. We all got a good laugh though. She knows that, as the youngest, she gets to open presents first, but that that will change when Cate arrives. Well, Cate got presents this year, and the look on H's face when it was suggested that Cate go first this year was priceless.

My mom, stepdad, brother, husband and I celebrated together yesterday by going to the Dallas Museum of Art to see the Mourners. (I realize that just sounds weird, but it was really cool.) We spend a couple hours wandering around the museum before eating lunch and heading back to the house for presents.

Jeff and I got a new (300 lb) entertainment center. We are super excited because it's tall enough that we don't have to worry about Cate being able to pull the TV on top of her, and because it's too tall for Dobby to try biting things on the screen. Yay!

Did some last minute Christmas shopping today, after waiting 2 hours for an oil change. Finished some little details on the gifts I made for folks in Kansas, now all I have to do is wrap them all!

I am excited about my doctor appointment tomorrow. I'm praying they let us see her, not just hear the heartbeat. Surely, since we've hit 3rd trimester, they will. I also plan on asking the doctor some really random pregnancy-related questions. If I can remember them. (Like, for the past 2+ weeks, the blood has been pounding my left ear, almost nonstop. Why?)

Jeff and I have been arguing (not really....discussing, more like) about Cheetoes. I believe they are chips. He says they aren't. I say they're smack dab in the middle of the corn chips on the chip aisle, that makes them chips. He says they're not chip-shaped, therefore not chips.

I think he's on crack. What do you think?

28 Weeks

2010-12-17T13:42:00.000-08:00

How far along? 28 Weeks

Total Weight Gain? 15 lbs

Symptoms? Heartburn still tops the list. Are mood swings caused by pregnancy? If not, can I still blame them on it?

Stretch Marks? I have a bunch of small ones starting on my stomach. They're maybe as long as my fingernail is wide. They don't bother me as much though. I just keep telling myself they're signs Cate is growing.

Sleep? Awake constantly. Wake up to turn over. Wake up to pee. Wake up again for no reason. Must be God's way of training.

Best Moment Last Week? Feeling her move. I can't get enough of it!

Movement? Usually when I lay down to sleep, but more during the day when I'm up moving around.

Food Cravings? Just the milk, which I think is more for the heartburn.

What I miss? My balance. Being able to put pants on without falling over. Being able to reach things on the floor. Being able to get off the couch without help. ha ha. Yeah, I'm leaving those, but adding being able to put on my socks without losing my breath.

What I am looking forward to? Our appointment right before Christmas. We should get an ultrasound again!

Milestones? 28 weeks is a milestone. And to think I made it all this way without killing any fourth graders!

How is Daddy? He offered to help me put my socks on this morning, but I'm pretty sure he was laughing at me on the inside.

27 Weeks

2010-12-10T18:01:00.000-08:00

How far along? 27 Weeks

Total Weight Gain? Actually forgot to weigh myself this morning. First Friday since I found out I was pregnant...Oops.

Symptoms? Heartburn still tops the list. It woke me up twice this week. Not sure of any others...

Stretch Marks? I have a bunch of small ones starting on my stomach. They're maybe as long as my fingernail is wide. They don't bother me as much though. I just keep telling myself they're signs Cate is growing.

Sleep? Awake constantly. Wake up to turn over. Wake up to pee. Wake up again for no reason. Must be God's way of training.

Best Moment Last Week? Jeff bringing home a teddy bear for Cate. (This would be a lot sweeter if you understood how important my first teddy bear is to me.)

Movement? I'm finally feeling her when I'm up and moving around, not just when I'm relaxing. She kicked all through recess today, and she's kicking now! :)

Food Cravings? Just the milk, which I think is more for the heartburn.

What I miss? My balance. Being able to put pants on without falling over. Being able to reach things on the floor. Being able to get off the couch without help. ha ha. Yeah, I'm leaving those, but adding being able to put on my socks without losing my breath.

What I am looking forward to? Our appointment right before Christmas. We should get an ultrasound again!

Milestones? Dare I say it? Third Trimester!!! Can't believe it's here already!

How is Daddy? Getting more excited, I think. I mean, he bought her a teddy bear this week!

Things that should happen magically...

2010-12-09T17:13:00.000-08:00

And something that should be illegal.

Something that should happen magically: dogs should come trained. Really. Everyone teaches their dogs the same basic things: sit, stay, don't pee inside, don't destroy my belongings. I woke up from my nap today to discover that Kreacher had pulled a cushion off the couch and chewed a great big hole in it. There was stuffing everywhere. I am slowly coming to accept that, as they are, these 3 dogs will make having a baby in the house hell. We are meeting with a dog trainer next month who can hopefully help us with all of them. At the moment, I don't want any of them by the time Cate gets here. (I know that's mostly hormones talking. I love them all, but they make me so angry.) And really, if I can't leave a COUCH CUSHION unattended, what will happen to Cate's toys?

Something that should be illegal: Telling expectant mothers just how horrible life is going to be after the baby is born. I love my 4th grade team, I really do, but at our team Christmas party yesterday, I was bombarded with how I'll never sleep again, I'll never have any time to myself again, I'll never be able to do anything I want to, I'll never get to go out to eat or shopping, or to the movies, or ANYTHING EVER AGAIN. A baby apparently ruins your life, I just didn't know it.

Yes, I know my life will be completely changed. Yes, I realize that I have no idea how much. But really? According to them, there is nothing about having children, except when the babies occasionally smile. Gee, thanks.

Something that should happen magically: All horror stories about pregnancy and birth should be magically erased from an expectant mother's head or blocked from ever reaching in the first place. I swear, I stumble across a new one every day. The birth stories don't bother me too much yet, I'm remarkably good at avoiding what I don't want to deal with, but all the stories I've read and heard of pregnancy loss are driving me crazy. I was freaking out earlier today because I actually felt Cate move during the day while I was up and around Tuesday and Wednesday, but not today. My mind automatically jumps to the worst possible conclusion, even when I know that things were so crazy today, I probably wouldn't have noticed an alien popping out of my chest. I didn't feel her when I laid down for my nap either, but that could have been because I was asleep before my head hit the pillow. If no miscarriage stories had ever hit my ears, I wouldn't be worried. I'd be logical and calm.

Right.

26 Weeks (Belly pic at the end!)

2010-12-03T19:17:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday, I decided to use a leave early pass and go home to rest. As I was walking through the office, I bumped into one of the parents I had my first year of teaching. She and I got along really well when her son was in my class, and she was thrilled to see I was pregnant. One of the first things she said, though, was that the baby was going to have the curliest hair ever. I just smiled and said I hoped so. It makes me sad though, to think that if she does have straight hair, I will feel like I have to justify it every time someone asks "Oh, where did that straight hair come from?" I do have the curliest hair in my family, my mom's is wavy and my brother's is straight, so there would genetically be a chance of straight hair anyway, but when you look at my hair and Jeff's, you wouldn't expect it. But I'm irritated at all the well-meaning people over the next few years who will make a comment about Cate's hair, whether straight or curly.

How far along? 26 Weeks

Total Weight Gain? 14 lbs.

Symptoms? The heartburn is still pretty unpleasant. I haven't asked the doc for meds yet, since I'll do just about anything to avoid having to swallow a pill. Thankfully, milk seems to do the trick. A lot of milk... :)

Stretch Marks? One on the stomach. It doesn't bother me as much as it did when I first saw it though.

Sleep? Pretty rotten. Still having to wake up every time I want to turn over, and the doc said I can't use my electric blanket this year, so I'm also freezing every time I want to change positions. And, I wake up singing songs. This is pretty normal for me in the mornings, but in the middle of the night when I wake up to pee, it kind of stinks to be singing a song that I hate while I'm trying to go back to sleep. (Last night it was "Run Run Rudolph." Can't stand that song.)

Best Moment Last Week? All my co-workers' jaws dropping when they saw how much I grew in one week.

Movement? Yes. Usually when I lay down to sleep. Sometimes I feel her at school during class, but I'm usually moving around too much to.

Food Cravings? Just the milk, which I think is more for the heartburn.

What I miss? My balance. Being able to put pants on without falling over. Being able to reach things on the floor. Being able to get off the couch without help...Need I go on? :)

What I am looking forward to? Our appointment right before Christmas. We should get an ultrasound again!

Milestones? Nothing super major! Unless you count my quickly disappearing belly button. The top half is flat. It's weird...

How is Daddy? I think he's starting to get scared. He's ok when he thinks in terms of how many days are left, but when I pointed out it's only 3 months and 1 week, he got a bit nervous.

Promised Picture:

Things to say...

2010-11-30T12:09:00.000-08:00

I have a confession...

I know I have been a terrible blogger.

Practically every post I've made since July has been the weekly pregnancy update.

Or me waxing poetic about the joys of green dip.

I feel guilty for this. One, because I know how much I hated reading only pregnancy-related posts when I wasn't pregnant, and two, because to everyone but me and probably my mom, those posts are pointless.

I mean, do you really care how many stretch marks I have? I thought not.

I seem to have come down with a horrible case of postiphobia. ( I actually did not make that word up. I just googled it to see if it was a real phobia before I made a fool of myself, and it turns out other people use the word too.)

I am afraid of writing what I truly want to write.

"Why?" you may ask.

Because I don't want to seem ungrateful.

I'm afraid to write about my back aching, my stomach stretching, my lack of quality sleep.

I'm afraid to write about my complete, total, and utter lack of a s.e.x. drive. ( I feel like finding a hooker for my husband might be justified...)

I'm afraid to write about the fears that constantly plague me about having a child that is genetically half-stranger. (What if she looks absolutely nothing like me? What if she has straight hair?)

I'm afraid to write the fears that come with having a husband who did not father our baby. (What if he really can't connect to her? What if he gives up trying?)

I'm afraid to write anything that will make me seem ungrateful. Because I'm not. I thank God every time her kicks wake me up when I'm dozing off, every time I don't sleep through the night, every time I run out of breath walking down the hall to the bathroom.

I am grateful. But I am also afraid.

25 Weeks

2010-11-26T18:48:00.000-08:00

How far along? 25 Weeks

Total Weight Gain? 13 lbs.

Symptoms? The heartburn is still pretty unpleasant

Stretch Marks? One.

Sleep? Bout the same. I wake up a lot, and get up at least once a night.

Best Moment Last Week? My little brother giving thanks for Cate during the prayer on Thanksgiving.

Movement? Yup. I can't get enough. Mostly, she moves around when I'm still for a while, so I don't feel her all the time. Love it when I do though.

Food Cravings? Not so much, other than the milk. The green dip was fantastic though!

What I miss? My balance.

What I am looking forward to? Working on the nursery.

Milestones? We're eggplant sized this week! Holy cow!

How is Daddy? He's gotten to feel Cate a couple times this week, he was pretty excited. He was a little worried that she stopped every time he tried to feel her. I told him it was probably just the weight of his hand, but I think he was concerned. :)

24 Weeks

2010-11-19T17:26:00.000-08:00

How far along? 24 Weeks

Total Weight Gain? 12 lbs.

Symptoms? The heartburn is still pretty unpleasant.

Stretch Marks? Just the one new one. I'm not sure why it's freaking me out like it is, but it is.

Sleep? Still not good. I have to wake up every single time I need to change positions, and I've been sleeping entirely on my side, which is not that comfortable.

Best Moment Last Week? I don't have one that sticks out. Every moment that it re-dawns on me I'm pregnant is a great moment.

Movement? Yes. :) It makes me so happy to feel her and actually know it's her. I don't notice the movement unless I'm sitting still and quiet, but it seems like every time I'm still and quiet, I fall asleep. That could be the problem.

Food Cravings? Milk. I am super excited though. My mom offered to stop at the nearest Casa Ole (the one two hours away) on her way back from her trip this weekend and get me some green dip!!

What I miss? I can't seem to put my pants on this week without falling over. I'm guessing that's just going to get worse.

What I am looking forward to? More movement, as usual. And painting the nursery!

Milestones? We hit viability this week. Although it's a terrifying thought, it's good to know she has a fighting chance if something happened.

How is Daddy?I'm not sure, since he's on the other side of the state. I'm going to assume though that he's bummed not to be here rubbing my belly.

Little Bits

2010-11-18T16:28:00.000-08:00

I am wearing my new feetie pajamas from tar.get. They have little penguins for feet, and they are fuzzy and comfortable and WARM. I luv feeties, and was super excited to see adult sizes at the store, since my old ones don't fit this year.

I am muy jealous of everyone hanging out in the cold in line for the midnight showing of the new HP. I so badly wanted to go, but I have my big meeting w/my principal tomorrow, and it's field day for the kids. Plus, Jeff is out of town, and this would have been the first midnight showing without him. So, I'm waiting till Monday when we can go see it together. I so hope no one spoils the ending for me though. (I've read the books, and know how it ultimately ends, but I don't know where they're stopping this movie.)

In class today, we watched "The Hoboken Chicken Emergency". If you've never seen it, go look it up. It is so cheesy and lame, but the kids love it.

Did I mention my new feeties have pockets? So cool!

I am soooo excited Christmas is almost here! I love the few weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I love it all: the songs, the shopping for presents, the colors, the decorations... I can't get enough. My classroom is already decorated, and the house will be as soon as Thanksgiving is over! I have my shopping list all written out for almost everyone. I absolutely love going Christmas shopping! Only one more day of school and I can begin in earnest!

One Year Ago Today

2010-11-17T17:33:00.000-08:00

Exactly one year ago today, I was pretty much doing exactly what I'm doing now:

Sitting in front of the computer, reading infertility blogs with the dogs at my feet.

Jumping at every little noise, because Jeff is out of town till Sunday.

Typing a blog entry.

Freezing because we haven't turned the heater on yet.

Listening to Pandora.

In pain.

What's different?

Well, there's three dogs instead of two...

I'm still cold, because the heater's off.

Still listening to the same station on Pandora.

Still in the same uncomfortable wooden computer chair.

Still in pain...

But this year, I'll gladly sit in pain and deal with the aching back and heartburn. Because this year, I'm where I never thought I'd be last year.

In fact, last year's me can hardly believe it.

Last year, I wasn't sure I'd ever be a mom.

This year, I am 23 weeks and 6 days pregnant.

Last year, I was hurting, shocked, and scared. Our azoo diagnosis had hit me like a ton of bricks.

Last year, it was a struggle to make it through each day without bawling.

This year, it's still a struggle to make it through each day without crying, but I think that's the hormones.

This year, I'm still scared. But I'm scared for much better reasons.

Was it an easy year? No.
Did things turn out perfect? No.
Am I damn thankful to be where I am now? You bet.

Thanks for being here for me. I can't put in to words what that means to me.

23 Weeks

2010-11-13T17:42:00.000-08:00

How far along? 23 Weeks, 1 day

Total Weight Gain? 10lbs.

Symptoms? H E A R T B U R N !!!!!!!!! Seriously, the only thing I can ingest that doesn't give me heartburn is milk. It is constant and painful.

Stretch Marks? Ugh. Can I skip this question this week? Jeff found me in the bathroom this morning right after I'd gotten out of the shower, staring at my belly in the mirror. He thought I was just amazed at how big I am, but no. I was staring at the mile long stretch mark that has popped up next to my slowly-disappearing belly button. (Ok. Jeff says it's less than an inch, but I swear the folks on the international space station can see it!) I guess it came with the crazy itchy belly this week. Lotion, here I come!

Sleep? Horrible. I wake up 4 or 5 times a night. Still not sure why. I'm thinking maybe Cate kicks me and wakes me up, but I don't know.

Best Moment Last Week? Hearing her heartbeat again, and knowing my doctor's office will humor me, even if they think I'm crazy!

Movement? Still not really feeling anything, but I'm not as worried.

Food Cravings? Milk. Lots of it. I think Jeff and I (mostly me) have gone through about 6 gallons in the last two weeks.

What I miss? Being able to bend over and pick something up off the floor easily.

What I am looking forward to? More movement, as usual. And painting the nursery!

Milestones? Movement!

How is Daddy? Excited. We went to see a movie last night at St.udio Mov.ie Gr.ill ( a theater that serves full meals and drinks) which is where I worked while I did my student teaching. He told everyone there I used to work with that I'm pregnant. Although, I'm thinking they could figure that one out on their own now!

Chill Pill, anyone?

2010-11-09T18:34:00.000-08:00

I took an unexpected trip to the doctor yesterday.

Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine.

Mostly, (ok, entirely), it was me being paranoid.

I've been nervous for a while now, because I wasn't feeling Cate move. Well, yesterday made it 9 days since I'd last felt movement. Once I hit that number, I freaked. So I called the dr. and left a message at the nurses station. Thankfully, the office is full of wonderful people and I was called back in less than 15 minutes.

I fully expected a reprimand for being silly and paranoid, which probably would have calmed me down. Instead, they decided to have me come in that afternoon so I could hear the heartbeat and calm down.

I am extremely grateful they had me come in, but I admit it scared the poo out of me that they didn't think I was just being silly.

Long story short, Cate's just fine. I heard beautiful 148 BPM. The nurse practitioner said she's probably got herself turned around so her butt is facing outwards. She said if that's the case, I won't feel anything for a while.

Lesson learned: Stop freaking out. I have a perfectly healthy little girl in there who's just fine. Chill.

22 Weeks

2010-11-05T18:11:00.000-07:00

How far along? 22 Weeks

Total Weight Gain? 8lbs.

Symptoms? alllleeeerrrrggggiiiiieeeesssss. Does that cover it, or should I throw in a tissue? Seriously, I can't make it five minutes without sneezing or coughing, both of which cause me to wet my pants.

Stretch Marks? Still just the two.

Sleep? Actually been sleeping through the night.

Best Moment Last Week? Picking out fabric for the nursery!

Movement? A bit. I'll admit I'm nervous, because I still don't feel anything strong or regular. I do feel the weird fluttery feeling right below my boobs every time I slouch, but I also know she can't possibly be up that high.

Food Cravings? I would still like some green dip, but I guess I can wait.

What I miss? Being able to bend over and pick something up off the floor easily. Today, my students laughed at me when I called one of them over during a test just to pick up a basket for me.

What I am looking forward to? Feeling her move more. It would ease my mind.

Milestones? Movement!

How is Daddy? Slightly overwhelmed, I think. I started rattling off all the stuff that still needs done, and he looked a little dazed!

No importante...

2010-11-01T18:48:00.000-07:00

Nothing important to say, but...

I woke up yesterday with a crazy intense craving for green dip from Casa Ole. If you've never heard of or been to Casa Ole, you're missing out. It's pretty good Tex-Mex, but the real reason I go is for the green dip. They bring it out with the chips and salsa. It's basically guacamole (which I hate!) blended with sour cream. It's always served cold, and it's so creamy and spicy...mmmmmmmm! Unfortunately, the nearest CO is 2+ hours away. (I can't understand how there's not a single CO in the entire DFW area!) I tried making my own this evening, with a recipe I found online. I've never bought an avocado in my life, much less tried to peel and mash one. It was...interesting. However, my green dip is made and sitting in the fridge to "chill." Hopefully it'll be cold enough to taste before I go to bed.

I went to Canton this weekend with my mom and Jeff. (For those of you who don't know, Canton is a town that is taken over one weekend a month with the biggest craft fair/flea market in the state.) We found the PERFECT fabric for Cate's nursery. My mom is making all the bedding (cause she rules!) and now we have fabric! I was so excited, and still am. I also managed to buy Cate a headband in almost every color, plus a hat. This kid's going to have more than she can wear in a lifetime!

I think Cate likes to shop. She kicked the whole time we were at Canton. I really couldn't feel definite kicks and such until Thursday or Friday, so for her to do that all weekend was totally awesome. Admittedly, my back is killing me, because she kicks painfully every time I slouch even the tiniest bit, but it is so cool.

I have been absolutely terrible about commenting, and for that I'm sorry. I swear I'm reading, and I send you good thoughts in my head. You wonderful ladies are never far from my thoughts!

21 Weeks

2010-10-30T16:36:00.000-07:00

How far along? 21 Weeks, 1 day

Total Weight Gain? 7lbs.

Symptoms? who knows? I think I've forgotten what was like before symptoms.

Stretch Marks? Still just the two.

Sleep? wake up a lot, and the very vivid dreams have returned. Last night, I had a super-detailed dream about working at Bur.ger Ki.ng. Since I was thrilled to leave there after my 2+ year stint as a manager, I was not happy dreaming about it.

Best Moment Last Week? See next question

Movement? Yes! It's really started the last couple days. Even Jeff has gotten to feel her twice. She literally kicks me in the boobs every time I lean forward.

Food Cravings? Sugaaaarrrrrrr.

What I miss? Being able to lift heavy stuff myself. I feel like a bum when I have to have someone else do it for me. Being able to slouch.

What I am looking forward to? Feeling her move more. It's amazing.

Milestones? Movement!

How is Daddy? He was so excited to feel her move!

Halfway and Hundred

2010-10-23T17:50:00.000-07:00

How far along? 20 Weeks, 1 day

Total Weight Gain? 7lbs.

Symptoms? who knows? I think I've forgotten what was like before symptoms.

Stretch Marks? Still just the two.

Sleep? Wake up a lot, to turn over, but it's ok.

Best Moment Last Week? Getting to tell everyone we're having a girl.

Movement? I think so. It feels like my belly is never still, but there are a couple places where I am consistently having twitches, so I think it's her.

Food Cravings? Major sugar. Cake, preferably.

What I miss? Being able to lift heavy stuff myself. I feel like a bum when I have to have someone else do it for me.

What I am looking forward to? Feeling definite movement!

Milestones? We're halfway!!!!!

How is Daddy? Awesome, as usual. He's still having a hard time calling the baby a "her" or "she" though.

This is my 100th post! I can't believe it. I thought about going back and reading through my 100 posts, but I figure maybe I should just leave it be. I would never have guessed that at 100, I'd be 20 weeks pregnant, so I'll just take that and be grateful.

Some of you asked last week if we had a name for her picked out. We've had names for years! We will be calling our daughter Catherin Vaughn. Catherin (without the "e" on the end) has been in the family since the 1740's. All us girls are named Catherin. And we picked Vaughn cause it sounds really cool with our last name. :) But I plan on calling her Cate.

Please, pardon me.

2010-10-20T16:37:00.001-07:00

I need to go on a bit of a rant. My normal red-head temper combined with pregnancy hormones turns out to be a volatile combination.

A few of the fourth grade teachers decided to order lunch today from Domino's. There were only three of us, and we all ordered sandwiches. We've ordered from them a dozen times over the last few years and always use the same online account, since we always order the same thing.

Well, we put our order in at noon. Our lunch and recess hour is from 12:30-1:30. The food finally arrived at 1:21. Somehow, the address we entered online 2 years ago had gotten changed from 4600 to 4200, so they took the food to a house instead of the school. While annoying, this wasn't what made me so angry.

What really pissed me off was the delivery guy, who walked in the office and handed me the receipt without a word. Not even a "Sorry about the confusion" or anything. So I said to him " you know, we ordered this an hour and a half ago". I looked at me and said "It's not my fault. You gave us the wrong address." I told him that I didn't understand how that was possible, since we've been using the same account to order for 2 years, and we've never had a problem before. All he did was shrug and say it wasn't his fault.

I was so angry I was shaking. So, after school, I called his manager to complain about his rudeness. The manager proceeds to tell me "Well, he said you were rude to him first."

Excuse me?

Did I hear that right?

I, the customer, was rude to the delivery guy, so that gives him the right to be rude back? Uhhh, no. I don't think so.

I didn't think I was rude. I was frustrated, and his rudeness definitely did not help that, but I certainly don't think I started out rude.

I told the manager this, and that even if I had been rude, professionalism demands that he should not have been rude back. I worked in fast food and as a server long enough to know that. And I usually go out of my way to be polite. But this just sent me over the edge.

Now I'm debating whether to call the general manager of the store and talk to him about the conduct of both the delivery guy and the manager. And I'm still angry.

And my Rangers just lost.

Anyone drinking tonight? Have one for me please. I could use it.

19 Weeks! and Giveaway winner!!

2010-10-17T09:09:00.000-07:00

These pregnancy hormones are killing me. I'm re-reading (for like, the 12th time) Anne of the Island, an Anne of Green Gables book. I have the thing memorized. I know what's going to happen. And still, I was in tears when she turned down Gilbert's proposal, and am now all bummed out. I might have to spend the day finishing the book so I feel better.

How far along? 19 Weeks, 2 Days

Total Weight Gain? 7lbs.

Symptoms? I had to laugh at myself this week. I sneezed and peed at school. I had to get Jeff to take me to the store and buy a dry pair of undies so I could go to the school Sock Hop. I'm definitely blaming that on the baby.

Stretch Marks? Still just the two.

Sleep? Wake up a lot, to turn over, but it's ok.

Best Moment Last Week? Finding out it's a girl!

Movement? No idea.

Food Cravings? Major sugar. And right now, I'd reallly like chips and salsa.

What I miss? I so wanted a hot dog yesterday. That's not too bad though, since I don't usually eat them anyway.

What I am looking forward to? feeling movement!

Milestones? Gender Scan!

How is Daddy? I think he's a bit overwhelmed. Finding out the gender really made this more real. I think we're both having problems switching from "oh, we're having a generic, faceless, nameless baby" to "Oh, we're having a girl!" That's such a big difference.

And now, the winner of a fabulous Sumo Fortune Cookie, and two lucky fortunes is.......

......
.

.....
.....

.......
Rach from Going for It! Congrats girl!

Gender Scan

2010-10-11T16:34:00.001-07:00

It's not a kitten....

It's not a puppy...

It's not an orangutan....

It's a....

GIRL!!!!!

A little class

2010-10-10T14:51:00.000-07:00

I'll just warn you now that this post is rude, a bit uncaring, and a lot ungrateful. Sorry bout that.

I teach fourth grade. I love teaching fourth grade. It's my last year on probation. (All new teachers have a 3-year probationary period in my district.) I get to take an extra 6 or 7 week vacation this year to meet my baby. I have an awesome team of fourth grade teachers, a pretty cushy school, and administrators who are only crazy most of the time.

I just hate my class.

Well, that's not exactly true. As individuals, I like really really like 19 of my 21 students. One of them I could like if he could drop his attitude, and one I might be able to like if he weren't such a baby. But, as a whole, I really really don't like my class. It puts me in a bad mood just to have to walk in to the roomful of them every morning.

They NEVER stop talking. EVER. It does not matter how many times I ask, how much trouble they get in, or what incentives they get if they do actually stop. They won't shut up. Which is probably a big part of the reason I lost my voice for 3 days last week.

They are helpless. I get asked the same question every day about 10 times. Usually it's which basket to turn work in. Never mind that the baskets are color coded based on subject, and each basket is labeled. And when I tell them to figure it out on their own, they look at me like I just threatened to kill their puppy.

No one in the class can manage to put their names on their papers, or answer all the questions. This drives me batty. They are required to put their names on everything they turn in from Kindergarten on, but it's still a skill that's not there in fourth grade. And it ticks me off.

I'm getting all worked up just thinking about it. I am going to tell you about a couple of individuals though.

First off is B. B is the one with the attitude problem. Nothing is ever his fault. Usually, it's his mom's fault (according to him). We played a game in class on Friday, his team lost. While the rest of the class was telling me how much fun the game was, and could we please do it again, B pipes up and says "I thought it sucked." While listening to music in class (in theory, I have a deal with the kids that as long as they're quiet, we listen to music. If they start talking, we work in silence. You can guess how well this actually works.) The playlist I built of their favorite songs wasn't working, so I was playing a Weird Al playlist. They were talking. (Surprise!) I told them if it didn't stop, we were working in silence. B pipes up again "I'd rather work in silence than listen to this song."

He's a real jewel.

While writing report card comments last week, I realized I had nothing nice to say about T. I still don't. He acts like he's five. He whines, doesn't get along with anyone, and has no personal responsibility. He is constantly telling me "Well, I put it in my folder, but it's not there." Like it magically disappears. Every Friday, without fail, he is sick and wants to go to the nurse during our reading test. Never mind the fact that I've never let him go. Doesn't stop him a bit. And, like a five year old, he constantly (at least twice a day) wants band-aids for non-existent cuts.

I do have some awesome ones though. Like J and A, who are planning to dress up as me for Halloween. I told them they'd have the scariest costumes in the neighborhood. I have Br, M, N, and S, who are all at least a year ahead of the rest of the class in math, and are now excitedly learning pre-algebra from me. I guarantee they'll be teaching me by the end of the year. I have NA, who brings me a bag of chocolate covered pretzels anytime he brings them for himself.

I have good kids. If I could just have them 5 at a time, I think I'd be better, but I am grateful for them. Most of them anyway.

18 Weeks

2010-10-09T09:32:00.001-07:00

How far along? 18 weeks, 1 day.

Total Weight Gain? 5lbs.

Symptoms? So, apparently I can blame my crazy bad fall allergies this year on being pregnant. So yes. Allergies.

Stretch Marks? Still just the two.

Sleep? Pretty good. I'm thinking about one of those giant body pillows, but then where will my teddy bear sleep? :) I have to get up most nights to go to the bathroom, but it's not so bad.

Best Moment Last Week? Hitting 18 weeks. That seems like so much!

Movement? No idea.

Food Cravings? I have a massive sweet tooth. It's strange, because I don't normally eat that much sugar. After being diagnosed with hypo-glycemia (severe low blood sugar) in middle school, I kind of lost my sugar cravings. They're back, with 13 years to make up for!

What I miss? Being able to think clearly. Pregnancy brain is the real deal. I seem to have lost my spelling abilities, which is driving me crazy, because misspelled words are a huge pet peeve of mine. That didn't stop me from writing "wat" instead of "what" on the board the other day. Or "are" instead of "our" in an email.

What I am looking forward to? Monday's Gender scan!! (This baby better cooperate, or he's going to be grounded as soon as he's born! :) )

Milestones? not killing anyone this week. :) Can I leave that from last week. It feels like an accomplishment again! (I had to spell again three times to get it right....and times twice!)

How is Daddy? Other than trying to show my quickly disappearing belly button to the lady at Buy.Buy.Ba.by last night, he's great. He ran me a bubble bath on Wednesday night after I complained that my whole body ached. (That's a much bigger job than it seems at our house, since our 13+ year old cat thinks the tub is her own personal poop palace.)

Last chance to enter for a giant Sumo fortune cookie! I will draw a name on Monday! All you have to do is tell me if you think it's a boy or a girl!

17 Weeks

2010-10-02T19:49:00.000-07:00

How far along? 17 weeks, 1 day.

Total Weight Gain? 5lbs.

Symptoms? So, apparently I can blame my crazy bad fall allergies this year on being pregnant. So yes. Allergies.

Stretch Marks? Still just the two.

Sleep? Most nights, I still have to wake up to turn over. And go to the bathroom.

Best Moment Last Week? Hearing the heartbeat at the doctor.

Movement? No idea.

Food Cravings? Nope.

What I miss? Being able to breathe.

What I am looking forward to? Finding out the gender on the 11th!

Milestones? not killing anyone this week. :)

How is Daddy? Sweet. He was especially nice to me this week when my allergies all decided to drain into my lungs, leaving me coughing and hacking and not having a voice for days. He's cool like that.

Since I won't find out what I'm having till next Monday, the giveaway is still going on! You know you want a giant delicious fortune cookie!! MMMMMMM!

16 Weeks!! And my first give away!

2010-09-24T05:00:00.000-07:00

How far along? 16 Weeks! Or, 4 months!

Total Weight Gain? 5lbs. I think either the baby is growing, or it's all the puppy chow I've been eating the last couple weeks....

Symptoms? My mom keeps telling me that I'm supposed to have lots of energy in the 2nd trimester, but I'm not seeing it yet. I have to go to the bathroom each and every time I stand up, which makes for an interesting teaching day, since I can't stand for more than 10 minutes or so without having to sit, but then every time I stand, I have to run down to the bathroom. Thank goodness I have a good class and good coworkers.

Stretch Marks? Still just the two, except on my thighs, where all the new ones are poppping up, which is still weird.

Sleep? I usually have to get up at least once to go to the bathroom, and I wake up every time I need to turn over. I'm also having problems getting comfortable, since I used to sleep on my stomach. And for some reason on Tuesday night, I clenched my right arm all night. Every time I woke up that night, my arm was asleep. I woke up Wednesday morning and my arm was so tired I could barely lift it. I felt like I'd been lifting weights all night.

Best Moment Last Week? I had 3 people ask me when I was due, without me telling them I was pregnant! Also, getting a bag full of baby clothes, and a pack and play for $45 dollars.

Movement? Not sure. I think I felt something Tuesday afternoon when I laid down for my nap, but it could've just been gas or muscle twitches...I have no clue.

Food Cravings? puppy chow and cheese. But not together. That's disgusting.

What I miss? Nothing, thanks. I'm good.

What I am looking forward to? Feeling movement and my appointment next week. I'm really really really hoping to find out what we're having.

Milestones? I made it to four months!

How is Daddy? Being a butthead. Someone needs to beat him up for me. He teases me every time he catches me looking in the mirror at my belly.

Allrighty, now for the giveaway!

When Jeff and I first started TTC, I got a fortune from a cookie at some buffet. It was an actual fortune, and I liked it so much, I kept it on my dresser. I even managed not to lose it during the move last summer. Then, a month before our successful dIUI, I got another one that I liked so much I kept it in my wallet. While I don't actually believe in fortunes, it's nice to look at these and know they came true. So, I figure it's time for me to pass them on to someone who's still TTC. But don't worry, you're not getting to worn out little strips of paper. Oh no, you're getting one of these! Giant fortune cookies!!!!! Yes!

"Oh Julie," I can hear you asking, "What do I have to do to get one of those awesome fortune cookies?" Well, that's easy. All you have to do is leave a comment and guess whether I'm having a boy or a girl. :) That's it! I'll compile all the guesses once I find out and draw a winner. All I ask is that if you win, but you've already gotten your wish, you pass the fortunes on to someone who needs them.

Are you excited? Cause I sure am!!!

Tagged!!

2010-09-22T19:11:00.000-07:00

Thanks Jackie for tagging me! I love these things!

Basically, I get to answer the 8 questions Jackie asked, then tag 8 people and ask them 8 of my own questions. Fun!

1. What would your college major be if you could go back to school and choose one (make one up if you want) without having to worry about finding a job in the field?
Can I also say if money were no object? Because mine would never pay for itself! If I could get my master's in anything, it would be museum studies. I *love* history and old things, and I think it would be paradise to get to research, set up exhibits, and give tours at a history museum. In order to do that, I'd keep my major of history, which is what my degree is in.

2. What was the most embarrassing trend you followed during your high school days?
Ugh. I was so not a cool kid, and didn't follow most of the trends, but I do remember that when it was considered really cool to wear candy necklaces to school (yes, in high school), I did.

3. Describe the house where you grew up. Would you live there again if it came up for sale?
This question makes me smile and cry at the same time. I loved the house I grew up in, and I know it's not loved now like it was then. It was L-shaped and had blue carpet. Mostly what I loved about it are silly little things. My dad built all the cabinets in the kitchen. The wallpaper border in the dining room was crooked on one wall, massively, b/c my dad could only see out of one eye at a time. We had a weeping willow in the front yard. I had a playhouse and a candy-striped swing set, both built by my dad. My name and my little brother's can be found in every sidewalk. It was out in the country, where I was the only girl in the neighborhood for the first 10 years of my life. In high school, I could wake up, walk to the bathroom, pee, and shower all without opening my eyes. I miss being that comfortable in my house.

4. Are you a city person, a country person, a suburb person, or a small town person? Which one describes you the least?
I think it depends on what day you ask me. There are days where I would give almost anything to live in Chicago. I think it's the perfect city. There are days where I long to be the only house in sight. There are days where I really miss the sense of community my small town had, and I really want my children to have that growing up. I think the least I am a suburb person, which of course is where I'm living now.

5. What concert would you love to see? What's the best one you've ever seen?
I would love to see Meatloaf in concert. I think he's too old now though. I think the best concert I've ever seen was Weird Al. I'd also love to see him again.

6. You're going on a 1-week vacation, but you can't take anyone with you. Where do you go, and what do you do there? Or do you give up the trip?
Oh, I go! (Sorry Jeff). I've always wondered what it would be like to travel somewhere by myself, since I've never done it. I think I would either go to Germany or Ireland, look up ancestors, and wander around aimlessly in old castles.

7. Did you have an imaginary friend as a child?
Yes. According to my mom, it was a dinosaur (dragon? don't remember) that I carried around in my hand. I fed it rocks. And I admit, I still talk to people that aren't actually here. If you saw me in my car driving down the road, I'm sure to be talking away to someone, even though I'm the only one there.

8. What is your favorite slurpee flavor? If you have never had one, what's your favorite candy bar?
I don't like frozen drinks at all, even frozen margaritas. I just think they're too much trouble to drink. Favorite candy (I'm counting it as a candy bar, since it's on the candy bar aisle) is Sixlets. They are hard to find, and barely anyone likes them, but I love them.

Wow. I wrote a ton. Ok, my turn:
1. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
2. If you could have one magical item granted to you, what would the item be and what would it do? (I ask this to my students. I love the answers!)
3. If you could have dinner with one person from history, who would it be? (And where would you take them?)
4. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?
5. If you were only allowed to watch 3 movies for the rest of your life, what would they be?
6. Would you rather be a wizard or a vampire?
7. What is your favorite quote, and who said it?
8. If you were offered a job you knew you would hate every second of, but they offered you a million dollars, would you take it?

All righty, I'm tagging:
Daisygal
Les
Dory
Rach
Christine
Foxy
Ernie
Jeff

Sorry if I tagged you and you've already been tagged. :) Suck it up!

15 Weeks

2010-09-18T20:10:00.000-07:00

How far along? 15 Weeks

Total Weight Gain? 4lbs, but it looks like at least 10!

Symptoms? sooooo tired. Everything else is pretty much settled though. I feel so much better than I did a few weeks ago!

Stretch Marks? Still just the two.

Sleep? Ha. This week I think it's been terrible b/c my dog is sick. Still get up at least a couple of times for the bathroom though.

Best Moment Last Week? buying the crib! Even though it's still sitting in the dining room, and the mattress is in the living room...:)

Movement? no, but I so can't wait.

Food Cravings? still kind of daily cravings. Today the best thing I ate was the shredded cheese I stole from my brother at dinner. :)

What I miss? I'm good, thanks. I'm not even really missing my 12 sodas a day. I just don't want anything.

What I am looking forward to? Feeling movement. I think I should feel something by the end of the month.

Milestones? buying the crib! We bought baby stuff!!

How is Daddy? Excited still. I think the more baby stuff I bring home, the more nervous he'll get.

All right, now check this out. The gray T-shirt picture is from 13 weeks. The white shirt is 14 1/2 weeks. (Sorry it's so blurry. It's my mom's phone!) My belly flat-out exploded!

14 Weeks

2010-09-10T18:10:00.000-07:00

How far along? 14 Weeks

Total Weight Gain? back up to 3 lbs

Symptoms? felt pretty great this week, other than tired. Except for today when I nearly passed out after recess duty. Nurse at the doctor's office said it's probably b/c the baby is laying on a major blood vessel. Awesome.

Stretch Marks? Still just the two.

Sleep? my vivid dreams are back. And I wake up, a lot.

Best Moment Last Week? hitting second trimester!

Movement? not yet..

Food Cravings? just kind of random stuff every day. Today I want Spaghetti O's. with meatballs.

What I miss? I having energy. Suppose I better get used to that though....

What I am looking forward to? Feeling movement. I think I should feel something by the end of the month.

Milestones? 2nd Trimester!

How is Daddy? excited, still...A little freaked out that we're supposed to get the crib tomorrow...

Lots of Little Things

2010-09-07T15:08:00.000-07:00

I'm going to give you a bullet post today, since there's a bunch of little things I want to say that seem completely unrelated.

1. Ustoff is officially sitting on my bladder. I have gone to the bathroom at least a dozen times today, and it's only 5pm. I kept thinking to myself that this whole "pregnancy bathroom situation" wasn't as bad as everyone said, since I wasn't going any more than normal. Ha ha.

2. I am sooooooo hungry. And right now, I want potatoes. My mom's potatoes, that she covers in butter and then bakes in the oven for hours till the ones on the outside get all crispy. MMMMMMMMMM!!!

3. My feet smell. That, I'll admit, isn't unusual. What is unusual is that if I could find something that tastes like they smell, I'd eat a couple pounds of it. And that's disgusting, I know.

4. These past few weeks, I have felt really really lousy. And I have felt really really guilty for feeling lousy because a) I'm pregnant and shouldn't complain; and b) My symptoms have really been pretty mild.
I'm just not sure how to handle the guilt.

5. This entire pregnancy, I've been convinced the baby is a boy. Now, I'm thinking Ustoff is a girl. Absolutely nothing has changed, except my entire belly seems to be expanding, instead of just the bump. I literally look like I'm wearing a pillow under my shirts, wrapped around my torso. And I don't think it's weight gain, since the pants that wouldn't even zip on the first week of school not only zipped but buttoned today.

6. I have finally hit the point where I wish no one in the family knew about this blog. No offense, dear family. I love all of you. But there is something I would dearly love to blog about, to get the opinions of people who don't know us, without saying anything that might hurt the family I love so much. Oh well. The best laid plans....

7. I am having anger issues. Severe, lingering anger issues... Like, I would like to hit certain people with my car anger issues. Or maybe a baseball bat....I like my car. For example, while typing this I was thinking of my princiPAL who royally pissed me off almost 2 weeks ago, and my heart is racing and my hands shaking just thinking about it. It's usually really hard to make me this mad (although she deserves it), but harder to keep me this mad. I usually forget what I was mad about, or manage to laugh it off. I think it's the hormones.

Remind me to tell you about what my principal did...It will feel good to bitch about something not pregnancy related....but not today. :)