This Kid

I promised pictures of our beautiful daughter ages ago. So here they are! We'll start with a picture of Cate a few hours old.

Here she is a few minutes after being home. The dress she's in is the one I wore home from the hospital. I love this picture because she looks so small compared to now.


This is Cate laying next to my very old teddy bear.


A few days old. :)

Sleepy baby.

Holding her head up. She looked so confused.

One of my favorite pictures. She loooooves bathtime.

She's not terribly fond of the giant flowers, but they're so cute on her.

She gets this furtive look on her face, like she's plotting something. Love it.

Finally caught a smile on camera. I really had to work for it. Usually when I try to get one, she sticks her hand in her mouth. I think she does it on purpose.

I so love this kid. I think she's amazing. She is the most beautiful child ever. She only cries when she's super hungry. It cracks me up because she's started sticking out her bottom lip in the classic pout when she does. She also says "waaa" when she cries, which always makes me want to go "waaa" back at her. She has a fake cry she uses when she doesn't want to be alone. She is probably spoiled. Most nights (almost all) she sleeps through the night. She wakes up when she hears us up and moving around, which means during the week she wakes up between 5 and 6 and on the weekend she sleeps till 8. She's cool like that. Her favorite song is "Dancing Queen". I was watching Glee last week and when they sang that song, she turned and looked at the TV with a smile on her face. I sang it to her again after it was over, and she grinned at me the whole time. She loves it every time I sing it. (FYI, I despise AB.BA, but I'll sing it for her.) I could seriously go on and on, but I'll stop.

Hurt

Something was said to me this weekend that was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me.

It physically hurts me. I feel like there is a hole in my chest, like I was punched. The words hurt that much.

I won't mention who said them or what they were, but they hurt.

Now I feel like I'm second-guessing everything I say or do. I'm afraid to talk, but I'm afraid not to. I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing.

I know this isn't making much sense. I'm sorry.

I think I need an anti-depressant.

My Mom

I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this before, but my mom is amazing. I've always thought so, but having Cate really brought it home for me.

I really can't imagine what would have happened that first week home from the hospital without her. I think I might have just sat on the couch and cried.

There's so much I want to say about her, but I'd fill up the internet, I think.

My mom is strong and smart and beautiful, and I am so grateful she's my mom. I hope I'm just like her when I grow up.

Mom, if you're reading this, Happy Mother's Day, and I love you.

Heigh Ho, Heigh ho...

Today was my first day back to work.


Boy, was it hard.


My mom took the day off to watch Cate, since my scheduled babysitter (my little brother) had an interview today. (He just graduated with a Master's in mechanical engineering.)


I was a basket case. I had to force myself to leave, and still wound up leaving 15 minutes later than usual. Jeff stopped me at the door and asked if I was going to be all right, which just made me tear up.


I had tears in my eyes before I got out of the driveway. I spent the entire 30-minute drive to work taking deep breaths to keep from bawling. I managed to make it all the way to my classroom and actually was getting a little bit done when one of my team members walked in and asked how I was. I tried smiling at her, and wound up crying instead.


It seemed like everyone at the school said "Hey, welcome back. How you holding up?"

Everytime someone asked me that, I wanted to cry. I'd have been much better off if no one talked to me.


Luckily, my class was awesome. They said they really missed me, and I could tell they were really working hard to make sure I was having a good day. It did get easier to be away from Cate as the day went on, but I know tomorrow is going to be just as hard. Mostly because, as much as I love my little brother, leaving Cate with him is not the same as leaving her with my mom. He's going to get a text from me every 15 minutes.


27 more days.

Debbie Downer

Pardon the "Debbie Downer" attitude, but this is a list of things that have happened in the last month:

• Toliet broke.


• Broken toliet flooded master bathroom, closet, guest bathroom, laundry room, and stair landing.


• Soap dish falls off the wall of the shower, rendering shower unusable until it's put back on and grouted/resealed, etc.


• We lose 2 boards in our fence, leaving a big gaping hole that the dogs fit through.


• Upstairs AC dies.


• Downstairs AC dies.


• Toliet in half-bathroom starts leaking.


• Battery in my car dies.


• Hard drive on our main computer dies due to overheating (cause of the AC).


• Jeff's pickup loses part of the tailgate, and a cover on the inside that helps seal the doors.


• We recieve a hospital bill for $1,000 more than we were expecting.


• I break the towel bar in the bathroom.*

I realize that it could be a million times worse, that there are people everywhere whose problems are much more serious than ours. I realize that we are incredibly lucky to have each other and our health.

But seriously!?

*I also realize that a towel bar isn't that big a deal, but on top of everything else it's just silly.

The Husband

He posted a blog again (finally).

Go read it. It's a Bust a Myth post.

It's good.

I love him.

http://donttrythis-jeff.blogspot.com/

Bust a Myth: Infertility is a Private Matter

Infertility is a Private Matter, Right?



A couple weeks ago
my husband showed off
pictures of our daughter
at work.
One of his coworkers
(insensitive cow)
says:
"Wow. She doesn't look
a thing like you.
Are you sure she's yours?"

My husband is not
the type of person
to suffer idiots.
He said:
"No. She's not mine,
genetically speaking.
We used donor sperm."

The cow...
excuse me,
coworker
was appalled.
Not because she had made
such a serious social blunder,
in saying something so rude,
but because my husband
so openly talked about
such a private matter.

After all,
Infertility is a private matter.
Right?

Infertility shouldn't be a private matter. The more we talk about it, the more coverage, knowledge, and support we have. So talk about it.

And yes, it's a true story.

It's National Infertility Awareness Week. Infertility affects 1 out of every 8 couples... like me. Find out how you can participate and provide support to 7.3 million people living with this disease: www.resolve.org/takecharge. This post is part of the Bust a Myth Bloggers Unite project.