17 Weeks

How far along? 17 Weeks, 1 day

Total weight gain? like, 12 lbs already!

Symptoms? No more nausea!  Thank goodness!

Baby Size:  A turnip

Sleep? Still pretty good.

Best Moment last week? Since I apparently haven't done this for 5 weeks, I'll give you lots of good moments.  We found out the gender, got to hear the heartbeat again, and I've been feeling kicks.

Movement? Yup.  Not often, but definite.

Food Cravings? Nope.  I'm constantly hungry, but nothing sounds good.  

What I miss? Yup, still missing drinking.  I'd just about kill for a bottle of Moscato.

What I am looking forward to? The anatomy scan at the end of the month.

Milestones? 17 weeks is pretty darn good.

How is Daddy? Who knows?  He's been working so much, I only see him to say good morning and good night.

In case you're wondering.....it's a BOY!  

12 Weeks, 1 Day

How far along? 12 Weeks, 1 day

Total weight gain? haven't checked

Symptoms? Nausea is marginally better.

Baby Size:  A Large Plum

Sleep? Sleeping fine

Best Moment last week? Had another ultrasound Monday to check ovaries, but got to see the baby and hear the heartbeat.

Movement? Can't feel anything, but at the ultrasound I got to see the baby stretch, turn over, and jump like he/she was surprised

Food Cravings? Food is still pretty gross.  

What I miss? Not feeling sick.  Being able to go on walks and play with Cate.  Drinking.

What I am looking forward to? Learning the gender.  We did the blood test that tells us early, so i should know by next Friday.

Milestones? I've made it 12 weeks without throwing up!

How is Daddy? Still suggesting Shadow Overlord as a name.    

11 Weeks

How far along? 11 weeks

Total weight gain? 5-ish pounds

Symptoms? Nausea is marginally better.  Dreams are still nuts.  Absolute exhaustion.  Boobs hurt.

Baby Size:  Lime!

Sleep? Sleeping fine

Best Moment last week? I slept all week, so that was nice.

Movement? too soon

Food Cravings? I don't want food at all.  Forcing myself to eat at this point.

What I miss? Not feeling sick.  Being able to go on walks and play with Cate.

What I am looking forward to? Monday's appointment.  We're getting one more  ultrasound to check the size of my ovaries, but we'll get to hear the heartbeat.

Milestones? I've made it 11 weeks without throwing up!

How is Daddy? Getting a little more excited, I think.  Can't tell though.    

I missed posting last week for 10 weeks.  Like I said, I slept all week!  

9 Weeks, 1 Day

How far along? 9 Weeks, 1 Day

Total weight gain? I forgot to check

Symptoms? Still the nausea.  I'm so tired of it.  And the vivid pregnancy dreams are wearing me out.

Baby Size:  Green Olive

Sleep? Can't get enough!  Sleeping pretty well too, thanks to the anti-nausea stuff.  Except for the stupid dreams.

Best Moment last week? I actually had two days when I felt decent!

Movement? too soon

Food Cravings? milk and sushi.  Not together though.

What I miss? Not feeling sick.  Being able to go on walks and play with Cate.

What I am looking forward to? The next sonogram.  I've been getting extras, thanks to the OHSS, so the next sonogram is at just over 11 weeks.  I never get tired of those.  We'll finally get to hear the heartbeat, and hopefully see that my freaking ovaries have shrunk.

Milestones? I've made it 9 weeks and 1 day without throwing up! 

How is Daddy? Tired of me being sick, I think.  Also dead set on naming the baby Shadow.  No.  

8 Weeks, 2 Days

How far along? 8 Weeks, 2 Days

Total weight gain? 3 lbs

Symptoms? Ugh.  Nausea.  I'm so not good with the nausea.  Of course, I'm sure a lot of it is caused by the OHSS, but since there's no way to differentiate between morning sickness and OHSS related nausea....  Also, my boobs hurt.  A lot.  

Stretch Marks? I think I'm going to delete this question.  How on earth am I supposed to see new ones in all the old ones from Cate????

Sleep? I love it.  It's the best thing in the whole world.  I'd sleep all day if I could.  Of course, I have the super-awesome vivid dreams, but still.

Best Moment last week? Telling Cate.  She was so excited.  She couldn't wait to tell everyone she saw "my mommy has a baby in her tummy, and I'm going to be a big sister!"

Movement? too soon

Food Cravings? Right now, I'm usually lucky if anything sounds good.  Did go through a phase where I wanted salsa on everything, but that was before the nausea hit.  

What I miss? drinking.  haha

What I am looking forward to? The next sonogram.  I've been getting extras, thanks to the OHSS, so the next sonogram is at just over 11 weeks.  I never get tired of those.  We'll finally get to hear the heartbeat, and hopefully see that my freaking ovaries have shrunk.

Milestones? I've made it 8 weeks and 2 days without throwing up! 

How is Daddy? Not quite as excited as I am yet....I don't think it's sunk in for him.  

Uhhhhhh

Well... Hi...

It's been four years of radio silence from my end...and even longer since I posted anything relevant.

But...

Here I am.  Posting on a nearly defunct blog.  Probably writing to myself, since I'm sure followers have long since moved on.  But I'm trying to calm myself down, and I know that this is the best way to do it.

Cate is 5 years old.  She's finishing her third week of Kindergarten as we speak.  And now, finally, we are trying for number 2.  We start Sunday.

Holy crap.  Seriously.  AF should start on Sunday, I should start Clomid on Tuesday, and sometime around the 22nd, we'll do the IUI.

It doesn't seem real.  This time around it seems thrown together.  Very spur of the moment.  Maybe because we're doing the IUI through my OB/GYN instead of an RE.  I don't know.

....wish me luck.

Half Life

I realize I've kind of dropped off the face of the earth the past few months.  And this is not the post for me to update everyone. 

Today marks the 14th anniversary of my dad's death.  I have officially lived half my life without my father.

Although I thought this was crazy to think about, I thought I was ok with it.  But today, when I had my students write letters to their dads (like I do every year on this day) I started crying when telling them why they were writing. 

Apparently, 14 years isn't enough to get over missing your dad.   

But what if I don't LIKE him?

Apparently, having a child who turns one sends out an invisible signal to everyone else on the planet. This signal induces nosy word-vomit that comes out in the form of "So, when is number 2?"

I don't know what to say to this. Partly because it's none of their busines, but partly because I don't know the answer myself.

Number 2?

I always wanted 4. Now that I have Cate, I only want her.

I know I would love another baby. But I'm not sure I'd like him or her. Cate is an exceptionally easy baby. If I had one that cried all the time, or woke up every two hours, I'm afraid all I would do is compare that baby to Cate. And resentment would follow.

There is a huge part of me that feels selfish for this. I have never met anyone who loved being an only child. I feel like I will be depriving Cate of all kinds of cool-ness having siblings gives you. And when she's all grown up and Jeff and I are gone? Who will she have, if not a brother or sister?

That doesn't seem like a terribly legit reason to have another.

I suppose I still have a while to think about this. We can't afford daycare for 2 kids, no matter what. So #2 won't be in the picture until Cate is at least 3 and in district pre-school. But that's 2 years away.

What the heck to I say to everyone between now and then?

Oh, so Random

A few pieces of what's floating through my head at the moment:

1. Cate turned 1 on Sunday. While I still maintain that there's no way she's already one, it happened. And her Uncle and soon-to-be-Aunt got her a shirt that says "Made with Love and Science". LOVE IT.

2. I ordered this shirt for myself yesterday. Cannot wait till it comes in! I was never a Snape fan till the end of HPatDH, but I'm loving it now. AND, I can wear it when my grade does our brand spanking new HP unit at the end of this year. We are turning our hallway into Hogwarts!

3. Hunger Games comes out this weekend! Aunt and Uncle are coming over to watch Cate on Saturday so we can go see it. Super excited about this.

4. Also on Saturday, the local roller derby league is having a Bout. I really really really want to join this roller derby league, and will as soon as I can afford the starter package and am sure I have a job next year (that's up in the air, but I really don't want to talk about it). I can't wait to go see an actual roller derby bout in person!

5. Sunday night is my first ever book club meeting. I've always wanted to be in a book club, and now I am. We read 2 books, mostly cause of a misunderstanding. We read "Delirium" by Lauren Oliver and "Divergent" by Veronica Roth. The first was ok, the second was fantastic. Seriously waiting for that movie now too.

If you like to read, go get "Divergent". It's in the teen fiction. Read it, then come back here and tell me what faction you think you'd be in. Belive me, picking factions is more fun that picking Hogwarts Houses. (Delirium is teen fiction too, if you're interested.)

So very, very excited!

So there is a wonderful woman in my life (don't want to mention names, since I'm really not sure how many people IRL actually know about/read this blog) who is finally pregnant.

I couldn't be happier for her. :)

She and her husband have been trying for at least 16 months, he was gearing up for an appointment with a urologist and it sounded like they were headed for an IUI.

But no, she told me today she's 6 weeks along. They saw the heartbeat yesterday.

I'm beyond thrilled for her, and I'm pretty darn happy with myself. This is the first time I've been genuinely happy, without a hint of jealousy, for someone who got pregnant on her own.

I have to keep the secret for another 6 weeks, but I figured it couldn't hurt too much to tell my bloggy friends about it. Right?

It's been a While...

I find it hard to post on here.

I don't want to innundate everone with posts about baby baby baby nonstop. I was hoping to be writing about egg donations, but that seems to have fallen through, at least right now. I might try again in the summer, when I have a bit of downtime.

Before Cate, well, really before TTC, I wanted 4 kids. I had a whole theory on why that was the perfect number. I wanted a large family. I wanted all the noise and mess and chaos that would come with that.

Now??

I can't imagine why I would ever need to have another child.

I can't imagine ever loving another child as much as I love Cate. Surely Cate would be the favorite.

Now, I feel like we should try again, just so she doesn't have to be an only child. Everyone I know who was an only child hated it. More than anything, I want her to be happy.

I just can't picture life with Cate + baby.

Speaking of Cate, she is growing up so fast. It's amazing to watch.

Funny story: I went into a bookstore a couple weeks ago to buy a book, but I decided to find Cate a book first. So I took her to the children's section, and finally she and I settled on "Pride and Prejudice". (Did you know there's a children's version? It's a counting board book.) I handed it to Cate in her stroller and went to browse for myself. All the time I was walking the aisles, people were laughing at me. Finally, one guy said "starting her kind of early, don't you think?" and when I looked down, she had the book open in front of her, right side up, and was staring intently at the pages.

Then, since that store didn't have what I was looking for, I wend across the street to another one. They had "Girl with a Dragon Tattoo", so I decided to get it. Cate wanted to hold it, so I gave it to her. She opened it up to the middle of the book and stared at the pages. The cashier looked at me and said "little above her reading level, don't you think?" I responed with "nah, she just finished Pride and Prejudice."

The look on the cashier's face was priceless.

So Grateful

Jeff, Cate, and I took a trip to the Scottish Rite Children's Hospital today. Our pediatrician has been worried that Cate isn't crawling with her belly off the floor or pulling up on things yet, and wanted to check out her hips. We had x-rays done on Monday, and we took them with us today. Everything is fine. The doctors at Scottish Rite thought, as Jeff and I did, that Cate would do it when she was ready. Ah well, that's not really what this post is about anyway.

I was/am already so grateful for Cate. We're incredibly lucky, and I know it. But today, it really hit home.

Sitting in the waiting room at SR was like sitting in a whole different world. In the 2 1/2 hours we were there, we met an 18 month old with no legs and one hand, a boy about 12 with burns so severe he lost his foot, I saw babies with casts, toddlers in wheelchairs, and one beautiful little girl with a metal halo attached to a hook that held her head up as she walked. And parents, who were totally chill and laid back and knew that hospital like the backs of their hands. Parents who commented on Cate's long legs, when their daughter had none.

I am so grateful. We have a beautiful, smart, healthy little girl. She may not crawl yet, but that doesn't stop her from chasing the cat all over the house. I told her "no" today, and she looked at me and said "ok". She smiled and charmed every person she met today, even giving the old doctor a hug. She did not cry once during the 2 1/2 hours we were at the hospital, even though most of that was spent waiting. She played, and watched, and talked.

She is absolutely perfect. She is more than I ever dreamed, and I am so glad she's mine.

So glad, and so so thankful.

Over and Done With

I can't say I'm sad to see 2011 go. I'm not. I'm thrilled. I'm relieved that a new year has started, that I might be able to breathe again.

Don't misunderstand me. 2011 brought us Cate, and so was a wonderful year, family-wise. It will go down in history as the Best. Year. Ever. because of her.

But really, the year sucked. It sucked balls. I'm so glad it's gone.

How nice to be able to write that.

In 2011, we dealt with: extra hospital bills from Cate's birth, her broken clavicle, a busted toliet, a toliet flood, a broken computer, 2 car breakdowns, 2 broken air conditioners, another broken toliet, a puddle in the middle of my bedroom from a cracked foundation, broken tiles in the shower, and a leaky watering system that caused our water bill to double for months. We paid countless medical bills, 3 tickets, more medical bills. I put my wonderful boy Dobby to sleep. Jeff had a stomach virus, then mono, then mono and stomach virus. He had an ER visit, a TIA, and a terrified wife.

Truly. I'm so glad that damn year is over.

This year is already starting out better. My little brother proposed to his girlfriend, so I'll soon have a new sister. We still have medical bills to pay from Jeff's hospital visit, but thankfully they're manageable. The puddle in my bedroom is dried up; hopefully insurance can take care of it permanantly.

We still have a gorgeous daughter, who is finally cutting her first two teeth and is army crawling all over the house. She babbles at us, and laughs, and gets angry when we don't share our food with her. She's trying to set herself up from her stomach, and I'm sure she'll be pulling herself up to standing in no time. Quite frankly, this house can crumble down around me. As long as I have Cate, I won't be too upset.

But I'm really really hoping this year is better than last.

Worries...

I must admit, I am worried about Cate.

She is not crawling yet. Nor is she pulling herself up on furniture and such.

At 9 months, she should be doing these things. The baby books say so. Even the doctor was concerned yesterday that she's not doing either yet. Dr. M expected her to be "cruising", which is pulling herself up and taking a few steps while holding on to furniture.

She shows no desire to move her feet while standing.

She will get up on all fours, but never moves. She just lays back down.

I wasn't that worried until we went to the doctor yesterday, and she was concerned. Then today, on Face.book, someone posted about how her 9-months tomorrow baby took her first step today. Her daughter is walking, and Cate's not even crawling yet?

She's met most other milestones. She knows her name, understands "no", and repeats sounds all the time. She can't pick things up with just a finger and thumb, she's still fisting everything, but I think part of that was us not giving her things she could pick up like that. I am trying to remedy that.

I don't know what to do about the crawling/standing though. I know all babies crawl/stand/walk at different times, but it seems like she's really behind.

Also, just FYI, she's in the 50th percentile for weight, but off the charts in length. Like, past 99th. She's super long. No teeth yet. Talks and sings constantly. Still adores the dogs. And is absolutely precious.

Pregnant Women are Smug

Seriously, couldn't resist. Hilarious

genetics suck

I've been turned down as an egg donor for the clinic/company I chose. Because my dad and granddad both died of heart attacks, I apparently don't qualify, at least according to the woman who emailed me. She said that FDA regulations don't allow that many instances of heart disease/heart attacks in my immediate family.

I will say that: a) I didn't know grandparents were immediate family and b) I couldn't find anything about that in the FDA donor regulations that I spent over an hour reading last night.

I will also say that I am pretty upset about this. Wondering if it's worth it to try another place, or accept that I have crappy genes that no one would want anyway.

A Celebration of Babies

Today, my old RE's office hosted a Celebration of Babies. They invited all of the patients who they helped become parents.

It was so cool. It wasn't a huge deal. Just a tent in the parking lot of the office. Balloons, face painting, and cupcakes for the kids, and pictures with Dr. G. A couple of hours hanging out outside in the nice weather, chatting with other parents.

Jeff and I agreed it was unlike any party we've ever been to. Usually, we at least know someone. Here, we were all strangers, but with something in common. It's not like the RE's office invites lots of chatting and new friends. So it was neat to talk to people who are every bit as grateful for their children as we are for Cate. Singleton babies like Cate were definitely the minority, but what can you expect from a party thrown for former RE patients?

It was awesome. I think Dr. G really liked seeing all the kids, and I know the nurses did. They said they're going to try it every year, and I really hope they do.

Eggs, Toes, and Shout-Outs

First off, I have a few shout-outs go give. Rach and Lindsay both have beautiful babies that you should go oooh and aaaah over if you're up for it. Seriously precious. And Rebekah has an early new arrival!

Foxy and Melissa both had wonderful baby showers for their soon-to-be-here babies!

Cherbear, Michele, Jenni, and Jackie are all either in the middle of their TWW, or about to start a new round of treatment. Go wish them luck.

Finally, go say hello to Auntie A. She just boarded the crazy MFI train, and could probably use some friends and well-wishes.

Now for the toes. Well, toe. I wasn't planning on writing about it, but it's pretty much the only thing on my mind at the moment. I kicked a desk this morning. Not on purpose. I turned in my chair to talk to one of my students, and kicked the edge of a medal desk in doing so. As soon as I did, I reached down and grabbed my toe, cause it HURT, but didn't look at it for like, 3 minutes while I talked to the kids. When I finally let go, my hand was covered in blood. I sliced my little toe open almost an inch. I put a band-aid on it, but it has been bleeding and throbbing all day. Probably doesn't help that I also managed to whack it another 3 times. Oh, it hurts.

Ok, now for the eggs. Egg donation, that is. Way back in August when I did my survey, most women said they went through their RE to find a donor. Unfortunately, all the research I've done and phone calls I've made have pretty much solidified the fact that most REs in the area use donor agencies. So, I researched those and finally sent in a preliminary application to one. They, in turn, send me about a billion questions to answer that are ridiculously hard.

For instance, one is "What does family mean to you?"

Really? What family means to me I can't put in to words, and every time I try, it sounds canned. Also, I have no idea how to describe myself, nor do I particularly think I have any talents or achievements to share. And, one of the questions asked for future career goals. How do I say I am perfectly happy where I am, and have no desire to move up into administration without sounding like a loser-y, lazy bum?

Ohmigosh. It's hard. Unbelievably, the hardest question is "why do you want to be a donor?" That shouldn't be hard. I know exactly why I want to be a donor. She's sleeping in her crib right now. Because everyone should have this. But how do I say that without coming off as crazy???

That's all I have to say.

No....my toe hurts. Now that's all.

Fall Crafty-ness

Go over to Best and Better Still and see my fall craft. I'd post it on here, but I figure this is easier!

A Month of Silence

Sorry about the prolonged silence here. I've been reading, commenting when I can, but haven't had time to sit and write.

It's been crazy around here. Jeff caught a stomach bug around Labor Day weekend, then promptly caught mono (oh, the joys of teaching), so has been sick for over a month. For a while there, he couldn't stand for more than a couple minutes without getting light-headed. I even had to go pick him up from work one day. I've had to do everything: house, dogs, and baby. Oh, and work.

Speaking of work, I'm thinking I must have been on crack at some point. I volunteered to be Student Council sponsor, Dodgeball Club sponsor, and Spelling Bee sponsor this year. This is on top of having a special ed inclusion room.

I'm exhausted. My house is disgusting, because just keeping up with the laundry and the dishes (usually Jeff's job) and the dogs is wearing me out. By the time Cate goes to bed, I'm practically asleep.

On top of that, we are broke. Painfully broke. This month's daycare was $1,000, plus our electric and water bills were through the roof, for some reason I have yet to figure out. Add that to the 600+ we spent trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with Jeff before someone decided to test for mono, and we've had a rough month. I feel like a terrible parent, because Cate's only professional pictures have been her newborn ones, and every time I plan on getting them done, that money goes toward something else. At least she gets fed and bathed semi-regularly. (She only gets baths 2-3 times a week b/c of her eczema anyway.)

Sorry this post is so whiny. Wanted you to know that we're still here, even if we're just hanging on.