Well, Crap.

To be perfectly honest, the only thing I feel like saying is:

"Damn it. Damn it all."

But, I suppose it would be bad manners to say that and leave, so I'll explain.

I had my ultrasound w/Dr. Wiz today. We were supposed to be checking on follies for Saturday's IUI. (my second.)

I had 11. None of them were bigger than 10mm. Apparently, my body just doesn't respond to Clo.mid.

This cycle is a bust before it ever even really started.

Dr. Wiz thinks that next cycle, we should do injectables instead of clo.mid. Fine with me, but the cost goes up about $1300. We weren't prepared for that. Especially since the cryobank raised the price of sp.erm.

We're now looking at June for our next try. I start Pro.vera tomorrow. I told Dr. Wiz that if I was going to be paying so much more money, I wanted to do an HSG first. We're looking at doing that as soon as AF leaves.

I am so pissed at myself. My body was supposed to work. This was the part that was supposed to go right. Instead, I have a body that apparently can't produce quality follicles and can't ovulate on it's own. I wonder what else is wrong.

Please keep me in your prayers. I can feel my optimism leaking away. The future is looming, dark and childless, and I can't seem to make my view of it change.

well, Finally

15 days late, AF finally came.

Went to see Dr. Wiz today. Did my baseline ultrasound for our first dIUI!

Everything medically wise looks good. Bank account, not so much.

When we started this shindig, DH specifically asked how much this was going to costs, since none of it is covered by insurance. After getting a reassuringly low number, we sort of quit stressing.

I paid for the full cycle's worth of treatments today....it was 3x what they orignally told us. Apparently, he only told us the cost of the insimenation, but not anything else. Add on full pay for visits, ultrasounds, and blood tests, and suddenly, we have wiped out our very meager savings account.

Extra prayers that this works the first time would be great. Otherwise, I think both DH and I will be getting second jobs in order to pay for what other people get for free.

Sorry. Off the $$ bitch-fest and back to the Dr. I start Clo.mid on Friday (just before spring break, yay!) and continue it until the day my in-laws arrive. I go in to look at follies next Saturday, and hopefull do the dIUI Sunday or Monday. Oh, and I get to have a trigger shot of something that Saturday, but I missed the name of it. Any guesses? I want to say it started with a "P", but I could be wrong.

I find it hilarious that if we do the dIUI on Monday, I'll have to have a doctor's not for school, since we can't get a sub on the day before or the day after a holiday without one. And spring break is definitely a holiday!

I have also noticed that my mood swings seem entirely dependent on the weather lately. For instance yesterday: super rainy and so depressed I could barely stand. Today: sunny and warm and in a great mood, despite suddenly being flat broke. I should probably keep that in mind before writing horrible, dreary, negative posts.

Sorry for being all over the place. Needed to tell someone all of this, and DH is super pissed about the cost and it is currently impossible to talk to him. Maybe tomorrow. Have a great day!