getting there...

We have 24 days until our next doctor appointment. This appointment will either:

A: (this would be the good one) Tell us that, miraculously, it was a hormone problem, and all the suffering DH has gone through with the crazy hormone pills was worth it, and he now has millions of sperm!

or

B: That it was not a hormone problem. It is a genetic problem, and there's nothing we can do.

Bet you can guess which option I'm praying for.

DH is not liking the hormone pills. It's an estrogen supressor, so it causes hot flashes, mood swings, and stomach problems. Poor guy. Maybe it will be worth it though.

DH finally worked up the guts to look at the sperm donation website the doctor ordered. The donor site is a little surreal. It felt a little strange to sit and pick qualities of a potential father and then add sperm to cart. (Not that I actually did, but I did spend quite a while on the site.) DH does not seem comfortable with this, to say the least. He is trying to consider it, but he's really struggling. I told him if he doesn't want to go this route, it's fine. We can always adopt. I guess I'll keep praying and try not to stress. Nothing we can do for 24 days but wait and see.

Infertility

Infertile: a couple who has had unprotected intercourse for at least one year without conceiving.

This is the definition, as stated in the handout we received at DH's doctor appt. this morning. Official results?

Varicoceles, a cyst, and probably NOA. In layman's terms, despite the varicoceles, Dr. B. says he thinks it is not a blockage problem, but hormonal or genetic. He put DH on some hormone pills, sent him off to do bloodwork for both hormones and genetics, and told us to come back in a month, with a sperm-in-a-cup for testing. Thanks doc. That's JUST what I wanted to do right before Christmas. Everyone loves bad news for the holidays.

Please excuse my sarcasm and my lack of optimism. But it's hard to be optimistic when even the doctor thinks it's grim.

Dr. B. also talked to us about AI with donor sperm and adoption. He very bluntly (and harshly, I think) told us that since DH is over 40, we will be at the back of the domestic adoption line. I don't want to believe this and need to do more research, but I really stink at finding things. If anyone has suggestions of where to look for useful adoption information, I would appreciate it.

Again, I think it will take a while before the seriousness of this begins to sink in. Right now, my concern is all for DH, who is not taking it well. He keeps apologizing. He believes that somehow it's his fault. It's not. I know it isn't. I guess right now, the problem is convincing him.