Last RE Visit!

Our appointment went swimmingly this morning!

The nurse said that if she were going to pick a picture to put in a textbook, ours would be it. Our little blueberry is 8.4mm with a heartbeat of 123 bpm.

Hearing the heartbeat was, hands-down, the best moment of my life.

And yes, it was just one!

stories and symptoms...

Foxy has asked me two questions that I never had the courtesy to answer. Sorry Foxy! I'm getting them both here!

Foxy wanted to know how I told Jeff I was pregnant. So, let's travel back in time 3 weeks. I had told myself that I wasn't going to test until Friday, but decided that Tuesday that I was testing the next morning. I just *knew* it was going to be negative and wanted a couple days to get over it before we headed to Kansas for the 4th. On Wednesday morning, I woke up at 7. I laid in bed and tried to go back to sleep, but the only thing I could think about was taking the darn test. So, I got up, peed on the stupid stick, sat it in front of the sink, and then sat myself down on the side of the tub to wait. I didn't even turn the lights on. I just sat there in the dim bathroom glaring at the stick and cursing it in my head. After about 2 minutes, I thought to myself "I'm going to look at it, see the negative, and go back to sleep." Instead, when I picked it up, it said "Pregnant". I left the bathroom, jumped on top of Jeff, who slept through all this inner turmoil of mine, and said "Hey. This stick says I'm pregnant!"

Have I mentioned he's been telling everyone that I'm pregnant? I mean everyone. Complete strangers. I think half the state of Texas knows by now.

Foxy also wanted to know how I'm feeling. I'm tired. Like, really, really tired. Like, sleeping for 10 hours a night and still having a 2 or 3 hour nap. Like having to sit down and rest after moving laundry from the washer to the dryer tired. But, other than that, I'm pretty good. I had really horrible heartburn, but it stopped. No morning sickness yet. No food cravings. In fact, I have a strong aversion to all food right now. I have no desire to eat, and feel full faster than I used to.

And, I'm nervous about tomorrow's sonogram. Scared we'll find 3 heartbeats, or 4 heartbeats, or no heartbeats. I'm so ready to get it over with.

Would ya like to...Mondays

It dawned on my that while I've shown you plenty pictures of Kreacher and is absolute adorable cuteness, I haven't shown you the rest of the entourage. So, would ya like to see the rest of my pets?

This is my boy Dobby. He's almost 5 years old.
I absolutely love him. I love his big doggy grin, I love the way he lays down just like the Sphinx (except without the person face or the cat body....which I guess sort of takes away all of the Sphinx part. Oops.) I love the way he understands English. Seriously, I love this dog. I also know that Dobby is probably the worst dog in the world. I know that when the baby comes, Dobby will have to go. He is in no way child friendly. Heck, he's not really friendly to anyone. But he loves me. I can see it in his eyes. (In case you're curious, Dobbs was a rescue. We got him when he was 9 months old, and we were his fourth owners. He has lots of problems. I'm pretty sure if dogs can be autistic, he is.)



This little sausage is Winky. She's about 4 1/2.

She's Jeff's dog. Really. I love her and all, but she's the stupidest dog I have ever met. Cute though.

The picture on the right is a couple years old. She really does look like a sausage on legs now.




This is Lilly. She's at least 13, but we're not sure. She acts like a kitten though.
She's the queen of the house, and also a complete weirdo. She tries to pack herself when we go on trips...


And the other day, I guess she got in trouble, because she stuck her nose in the corner for 10 minutes.
She's also suicidal. This is her sitting in the dog food bowl.

I also have two African Dwarf Frogs named Harry and Ron. They are my class pets at school, but they're living here for the summer. They live in water, so they don't photograph well. Sorry.

I can't wait for my sonogram Thursday! I'll let you know how it goes!

Would ya like to...Mondays

Would ya like to know what my 3rd beta number was today?

5010!!!

I am so excited and relieved. It needed to be at least 1600 to be doubling every 48 hours. It took f o r e v e r for the Dr.'s office to call. I was scared that it was bad news and that they were waiting for Dr. Wiz to call. I finally called myself and got great news!

My first sonogram is next Thursday, when I will officially be 7 weeks.

This makes it seem more real!

What to say...

I admit, I have the urge to blog, but I'm just not sure what to say. Do I go on and on about how excited I am? How nervous I am? How freaking scared I am about every little cramp and twinge? I'm not sure.

First off, I would like to say that if you would like to stop following me now, feel free. I totally understand. If it saves your sanity, do it.

I am so scared. I'm not scared about being a parent. Not yet, anyway. No, I am so scared something is going to go wrong. I'm afraid of walking in on Monday and finding my beta has dropped. I'm afraid of going in for my first sonogram and not seeing anything. I'm afraid of not hearing a heartbeat. I'm afraid of hearing a hearbeat and losing it. There are a million things I'm terrified of, and I'm only 5 weeks pregnant.

On top of that, I'm angry. I'm angry that normal (read: non-IFers) women probably don't have 99% of the fears I have. I'm angry that they get to take a pregnancy test, see a positive and not feel the need to take 5 more, just in case. They can call up, schedule an ultrasound, and float through the next 9 months without being constantly scared.

I think I'm going to have to stop reading the LFCA. I check it every day and always read every blog posted on there for the day. I leave comments when I can and send silent support and prayers when I have nothing to say. I checked it Tuesday when we got home and it multiplied my fears. I just can't handle reading about miscarriages and missing hearbeats and lost pregnancies. I feel terrible and selfish for it, but I figure I'm scared enough as it is.

I'm sorry this post is so disjointed. I guess I have a lot on my mind.

2nd try Beta Number

188

Better, right? Makes me feel much better. I go in next Monday for another check. Sorry about the silence. We didn't get it until today, and we were driving home from Kansas.

More later.

Thanks for all the support. It helped so much!!

Well... (Updated)*

Crap. I took a digital HPT yesterday. It said "pregnant" on it, so I joyfully called my RE's office to schedule a blood test. I took four more tests yesterday (spastic, I know), 2 of them came up with really faint pink lines. I had my beta today, and my number was 26. The head nurse said they liked to see numbers higher than that, but she didn't say what.

26.

That's it. 26.

Crap.

Monday is the soonest we can re-check. I'm sick and terrified and dejected.

26?

*Maybe I should mention that I'm 14dpIUI, but I really think I'm only 11 or 12dpo.