Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Questions? Part two

Here I am, answering more questions to pass the time. I think I'll try to answer the rest of them, but no promises.

K wanted to know what my favorite books or movies are. I'll tell you both. First off, I love to read. That may be an understatement. If I go a day without reading, something's wrong! And to pick a favorite or two? So hard!!! I would have to say the title of "Favorite Book" is a tie between Anne of Green Gables and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Close seconds are Catherine, Called Birdy, The Witch of Blackbird Pond, Wicked, Pride and Prejudice, and The Little Mouse, the Red Ripe Strawberry, and The Big Hungry Bear. Yes, I realize most of those are kids or teenager books. I just seem to like those better! Favorite movies are easier. The Princess Bride, Stranger than Fiction, Shrek. I'm sure there's more, but those are the ones I never get tired of.

Foxy wants to know my most favorite memories of summer. My best summer ever was the summer between 5th and 6th grade. My little brother and I walked a block every morning to our baby-sitter's house and spent the day playing with her three daughters. We probably rode 10 miles a day on our bikes, made up ridiculous stories, swam, had adventures, and, I'm sure, drove the neighbors nuts. The oldest daughter and I made secret codes, code names, and all manner of silly things. It was wonderful.

MommyinWaiting wants to know what I'd do if I won the lottery. Fun! I think the first thing I'd do is send my mom and stepdad on a honeymoon. They never got one, and I know my mom would kill to go to Italy. Then, I would go here and have them build me a castle. Either the Michelle, the Nicole, or the Malia. I would build it next to a lake so I can have a pirate ship too. I would built it somewhere with lots of trees. Then, since I'd be broke after building a castle, I'd keep teaching. Actually, I'd probably keep teaching even if I wasn't broke. I love it!

Finally, DaisyGal wants to know what my favorite memory of meeting my husband and our wedding is. Well, the first time I met Jeff, I thought he was a professor. I didn't know he was only a grad student. He (poor guy) had the job of teaching me and another girl how to use power tools. He couldn't remember our names, so he named us Esther (me) and Agnus. Then, he proceeded to call me Esther for the remainder of the semester. Finally, about December, the professor walked up to me and said "Esther, are you sure your enrolled in this class? I can't find your name." He had managed to convince the entire department that my name was Esther, not Julie.

I honestly don't remember much of our wedding. I was so nervous! But we walked out after the ceremony to Leslie Gore's Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows, which was pretty awesome.

Y'all have a good day!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010


Thanks so much for giving me questions to answer! It gives me something to think about besides, know what. I'll answer the first couple or so today and save the others for tomorrow or Thursday.

Dory wants to know what my opinion on video game violence and it's effect on children is.

Well, Dory, I'll be honest with you...up until last year, the most advanced game system I had was a Super Nintendo. And now that I have a Wii, I spend most of my time playing Super Nintendo games, like Donkey Kong. So I can't honestly say I've ever even given it that much thought. Having said that, I do know that most of my 10 year old students (the boys especially) can name off way more guns than I even knew existed. I suppose that's probably a bad thing!

Rach wants to know what my dream vacation is!

Rach, that's a hard question! There's so many places I want to go. But I think I can narrow it down to two. 1st off, it's my goal to see the Aurora Borealis in person before I die. So I think a trip to Alaska would definitely be one of them! Beyond that, I think I would like to go on a castle-seeing tour in England and Scotland. I want my own castle, but since I don't think that'll ever happen, I want to go see real castles!

I think that's all I'll answer now. Oh, and just so y'all know:
I'm not planning on taking Kreacher's cone off, I'll just be surprised if it lasts for a week. It's already dirty and bashed in. He runs into everything. Especially the backs of my knees...
I'm glad you ladies think I seem calm about testing. I'm not at all. I'm so stressed about it! Last week I dreamed about implantation (weird, I know). Last night, I dreamed ALL NIGHT about my period starting. I think it's more a fear of only seeing one line that's keeping me from testing now. I'd just rather not know.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Would ya like to...Mondays (Vol. 5)

Guess who got neutered today?
Poor guy. He looks pitiful. He's supposed to wear the stupid cone for a week. I doubt that will happen. He's so good natured though, it doesn't seem to be bothering him.

I am at a loss of what to do for today's Would ya like to Monday. I've been thinking about it since last night, and I still don't know. I thought about telling you my pet peeves (boring and pissy. Who wants that?) my current favorite songs (that would take about a minute) or even the crazy dreams I've had lately. None of them sound appealing to me. So, I'm sitting at my computer, watching the coming storm out the window, and pouting. Fun, huh?

So, since I seem to have temporarily run out of non-IF related things to tell you, would you please tell me what you want to know? I'm much better if I have questions to answer. : ) I really don't care what you ask, I'll probably answer it. I'm more than willing to make a fool out of myself for strangers!

I have not yet POAS. I was set in stone about waiting till Friday, after my mom's b-day. She told me today that she has class for her Master's degree and that my step-dad has to work, so we're probably not doing anything. Which leaves me without any good reason to put off testing. AHHHHH!

Please....ask me questions. Give me something to think about other than this.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Positivity and Doubts

First off, I'd like you to see what I woke up to this morning:

Yes, that's the new puppy, in his new crate, after having spent all night destroying the new pillow he was supposed to sleep in. Little bugger managed to tear the zipper pull off, rip the zipper open, and pull out the stuffing that way.

Tonight, he's sleeping on a towel.

Now, onto the real reason for this post. Thanks to Dory over at Just Keep Swimming, I'm trying really hard to be positive. So, at lunch, I gave Jeff a list of all the reasons I think I might be pregnant this time around. 1. My acne has gone haywire. It's bad at the best of times (thanks to my Dad's side of the family), but it has gone nuts the past week. It's too soon for it to be PMS acne, ergo: it must be pregnancy acne. (I'm very logical...ha). 2. Cramps. Not the normal, on the side, PMS-y cramps, but massive, hurts-to-stand middle of my stomach below my belly button cramps. They were the worst on Wednesday, but I'm still feeling them on and off. Again, too early to be PMS. 3. I'm sleeping like crap. I actually don't know how this points to me being preggers, but I am usually a champion sleeper.

Unfortunately, tonight all that optimism has gone out the window. I'm convinced the acne is just getting gradually worse anyway, the cramps are PMS cramps, just early, the sleep is because of the puppy. Also, I'm beginning to have the awful mood swings that always accompany PMS for me.

Still a week until I can test. It's soooooo far away. Oh yeah, and I had my progesterone test yesterday: 41!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Hi There June IComLeavWe! Sticky Post

Scroll down if you're looking for new news.

Hi there! Thanks for stopping by. If you'd like to know backstory stuff, click here. Not much has changed since last month's IComLeavWe, but here's what has:

I gained a puppy who is simultaneously the cutest thing I've ever seen and the biggest pain ever. (I spelled simultaneously right on the first try!!) We named him Kreacher after the house-elf in Harry Potter since the other two dogs are named after the other two house-elves. (Dobby and Winky).

We got a second opinion and wound up getting advice that was completely the opposite of what our RE was giving us. If we have to do another cycle, I think we'll switch.

Hopefully though, this last IUI did the trick. I am currently 5 days into my 2WW. I had 4 big follies (3 according to Dr. Wiz, since one was only 17mm) so I'm hoping at least one of them got hit with sperm. I keep thinking "Well, with four targets, one is bound to work", but I try to tell myself not to take things like that for granted. I guess we'll see.

Right now, I am enjoying my summer break from teaching. I am trying to write an essay for Glamour's personal essay contest. I thought it would be easy to right about our infertility, but I'm finding it much harder than I expected. It is not pleasant to relive all the crap we've been through in the past 8 months. But, if it helps even one person who reads it, even if it's only a judge at Glamour, than I'll be happy.

Hope is a Demon Bitch

I've been waiting to use that line as a post title for a while now. I love it. It's from Hamlet 2 and it describes exactly how I'm feeling.

I have been trying so hard not to think about this 2WW, the IUI, or the results of said IUI. It's not working. My thoughts are constantly on Sorry Jeff. (His mantra is "Only one".) Really, I'll take whatever, as long as they're healthy. But I digress...

I am really struggling with keeping my hope on a leash this time. I keep thinking "Well, there were four follicles, how could I not get pregnant?" I know that is not the best thing to think. But I really don't want to lose all hope. I mean, it seemed like everything went well. And while I have been doing so well about not searching for phantom pregnancy symptoms (blue veins, anyone?) I will swear to you that I could smell Jeff's shampoo this morning while he was in the shower. Through the shower door, the bathroom door, and the sheet covering my face as I tried to stay asleep. And then I have to tell myself IT'S ONLY BEEN 5 DAYS.

Technically, AF should show up on July 1st, or I POAS July 1st. I'm thinking that if AF doesn't show, I'm not testing until the next day. July 1st is my mom's 50th birthday, and I don't want to be an absolute downer all day if it's negative. Instead, I guess I'll just be really distracted.

Please, keep me in your thoughts. I bounce back and forth from daydreams about painting nurseries (nursery Jeff...I said nursery) to plans of spending the first week in July in bed weeping. Surely there's a happy medium out there somewhere.

Friday, June 18, 2010


Well, IUI #2 is done! Everything went smoothly. The sample looked great once it was thawed, and I laid upside down for 20 minutes afterwards. But, this time...I'm cramping. Bad. I don't remember cramping like this in March. It hurt yesterday on the drive home, all through dinner last night, and again today. Constant cramps. Maybe it's because I'm trying to send four soccer-ball sized eggs down tiny tubes. (Only slightly exaggerating here folks. It feels that way!) I am sitting as flat as I can get and still reach the keyboard. Anybody out there have crazy cramps after an IUI? It would be comforting to know.

Yesterday also showed us that some complete strangers can be extremely kind. When Jeff went to pick up the sp.erm sample from the storage place, he was prepared to pay for three months of storage: $150 total. The wonderful receptionist only charged us for one month of storage, and told Jeff to use the other $100 to buy the baby a gift. God bless her kindness and optimism.

I am bouncing back and forth in my thoughts on this IUI. On one hand, I know there's no guarantee it'll work. On the other, I keep thinking "How can it not work with four freaking huge targets!?!?!" I'm trying not to go down that thought path. I guess I just don't know how to stay positive without being overly optimistic. And I'll probably never learn.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


Went to see Dr. Wiz today to see if the 150 mg of Clo.mid did any good.

He looked at my lining first. It is 7.3 mm, which he said is a little thin but not bad. Then, he checked the ovaries.

I have 4 (4!) follicles. One at 17 mm, 2 at 18mm, and 1 at 20mm. He was stunned. He said he hasn't seen someone react to Clo.mid that well in a long time. (And he thought I needed injectables.) He said we're now at risk for multiples, but we are moving full steam ahead! I take my Ovi.drel shot tonight at 6, and we go in tomorrow afternoon for the IUI. I'm so excited.

Keep us in your prayers!

Oh, and once again, he didn't know we were using donor sp.erm. He asked us how motility was. Way to keep up the jerk trend, Dr. Wiz.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Would ya like to? Mondays (vol 4)

*Best Announcer Voice*Hi there, and welcome to tonight's episode of "Would ya like to? Mondays". We've got a great night planned, but first, a shout-out to all those who stopped by and gave me such great advice. We haven't made a decision yet, but you helped a bunch.

And now, on to "Would ya like to? Mondays". Tonight's question: Would ya like to see what I found this weekend?
Yes, that's right folks. A puppy. I decided to go for a walk Saturday afternoon. There's a cemetery nearby that has lots of really old headstones and is a state historical site, so I was headed there. I decided to walk around the small pond we have in our neighborhood. Our pond is right next to the overflow area/ big ditch for the lake that's really close, and in the area was this little guy. He was just laying in the shade, and about six feet away was a leash wrapped around a broken tree branch with a collar attached. I figured someone left him there and either was planning on coming back and getting him, or abandoning him. So, I brought him home. I put his leash back where I found it with a note saying I had him and my number. I called 3 of the closest animal shelters and gave them descriptions, and this morning we took him in to see if he had a microchip. He doesn't. I'm sure someone was taking care of him at one point, as he knows how to sit and is clean and well-fed. However, you'd think someone would have called about him by now. There are no flyers about him in the neighborhood.

I think we're going to keep him. We bought him a crate today. After the disaster that was my laundry room this morning, I knew he couldn't sleep in there again. We figure if someone does call for him, my littlest dog could enjoy a bigger crate.

Amazingly enough, my other dogs are actually ok with this little guy. Dobby, my Weim, hates all other dogs and most people, so to have him even tolerate this puppy is Amazing. Winky just seems frustrated that she's still the shortest.

Now, if we keep him, he needs a name. Not just any name, a Harry Potter name. Originally, I was thinking Kreacher, since the other two are named after house-elves as well, but I'm not sure that fits. Now I'm thinking Neville. Any suggestions?

Friday, June 11, 2010

First Day of Summer

And what a day it's been. I cleaned out my car (huge, for me!), ate frozen custard, had a second opinion visit, and finished a book. Important things first:

Jeff and I went to see a new doctor today. I'll call him Dr. Arrow, since he drew arrows on his notes the entire visit. By the time we left, his papers looked like a football play book. We kind of felt like he thought we were there just because we are impatient, but I think he realized we had some valid reasons after talking with us. He was very thorough and answered all of our questions, which was nice.

Basically, he was appalled that Dr. Wiz wanted to do injectables. Dr. Arrow didn't even like the he put me on Clo.mid. He said that one cycle (our first) of no meds and not ovulating was not enough to put me on meds. He said sometimes that happens, and that the Clo.mid was a premature step. He thinks we should do a few unmedicated cycles, just me and the sp.erm.

Now, I am sort of at a loss of what to do. I am 3 days in to 150mg of Clo.mid, and have already paid for our IUI cycle at Dr. Wiz's office. Do we cancel the cycle now, and get half our money back, or go ahead and finish out the cycle? According to Dr. Arrow, 150mg of Clo.mid is actually hurting my chances, since he says I shouldn't be on it anyway. I have no idea. Jeff is all for cancelling the cycle, but I feel like I should go ahead and finish the Clo.mid and have the sonogram to check for follicles. He has a good point, in that if we cancel after that, it takes another $200 from our refund. But I figure that if the Clo.mid is working and we cancel it, we lose our chance this cycle. I hate seeing wasted months.

Dr. Arrow did say something interesting today that kind of threw me for a loop. He said "Just to be clear, you've been trying for 21 months, but have really only had 1 opportunity to get pregnant?" He's right. We've had one cycle where we had both eggs and sp.erm. That thought really sucks.

In other news, I just finished the new Lynn Kurland book. If you've never read one of her books, go get one. Don't read them in public though. People look at you weird when you laugh out loud or spontaneously start crying.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Would ya like to know Mondays (vol. 3)

Would ya like to know what I'm teaching today?

PIRATE BOOT CAMP! : ) That's right. With four days of school left, but grades submitted 2 days ago, we are making up our own curriculum. Since I love pirates and have a pirate themed classroom, I'm teaching pirates. We're making up pirate names, naming our ships, designing our pirate clothes (and learning why each piece is important), learning to speak pirate, and making treasure maps. We're also watching a short video on pirates and discussing myths vs. facts. I'm hoping to make it fill up 2 1/2 hours, for lack of something better to do.

Oh, and we're making a pirate book to put all this in. I'm so excited!

In other non-pirate related news:

I had my baseline on Saturday. Everything looked like it should. (Again.) Dr. Wiz actually seemed to know who we were, knew why I was there, and even remembered we were using donor sperm. Me thinks he got the medical forms request from our second opinion.

I told him we just couldn't afford to do injectables this month, so he agreed to do another Clo.mid cycle. He upped me to 150mg, keep your fingers crossed that it works.

Have you read my husband's post on Absurdism? I giggle every time I think about it. Mostly because infertility, and all that comes with it, is absurd. Completely.

Countdown to Last Day of School: 4 days.
Countdown to 2nd Opinion: 5 days.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

My Dorky Husband

A couple weeks ago I finally worked up the guts to tell my husband I had been writing a blog since November. He was totally cool with it. And then, because he's a big dorky copycat, he decided to start his own. :) So, without further ado, I present my husband Jeff. Go see him and tell him hi.

Countdown to end of school: 8 days
Countdown to second opinion: 9 days.

Almost there!!