Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Disaster Averted? I think not...

My goal during this 2WW was to completely avoid any and all websites, blogs, and discussions that covered early pregnancy symptoms. I was doing really well until yesterday...

It started at lunch. I was sitting in the teachers lounge with my wonderful team, when one of them asked me if I had taken a pregnancy test yet. I told her that I hadn't. I knew that this early it would come up negative and I just couldn't handle that. She laughed and asked if I had any symptoms. I told her I didn't know and refused to find out. Well then, one of my other team members (not too bright :) asked two of the women what symptoms they had when they were pregnant....

I nipped that conversation in the bud. I practically yelled "No. You are not talking about that with me here. I don't want to know!" It worked. But then...

I went shopping. As I was trying on a shirt, I noticed some really dark blue know where. All my best efforts to avoid even thinking about symptoms went out the window.

So now, I'm sitting here, trying to decide if the veins have always been there and I just haven't noticed? Are my boobs always this tender the week before AF? Probably yes to both, but I just don't know.

5 more mornings until I will let myself test....Gaaaaaaa!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

By the Numbers

22: Cycle Day

7: DPO

17: Number of times yesterday I forced myself to close before searching for early pregnancy symptoms.

9: The number of hours I've spend playing Mahjongg to keep my mind occupied.

4: The number of books I'm currently reading.

2500: The number of times I've said "Good Morning" to my students this year.

220: The number of dollars I've spend on my morning soda since school started.

10: The number of people who have asked me when I'll know if the IUI worked.

10: The number of people who were surprised I had to wait 2 weeks, just like a normal pregnancy.

10,000: The number of trees in my neighborhood that smell like dead fish when they bloom. (This may be exaggerated a bit, but it sure smells like that many!)

5: The number of 22 oz bottles of water I drink a day. ( I miss caffiene!)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

a Little Something

I'm a little bit bored sitting here in my first 2WW. I refuse to let myself near I don't want to read early pregnancy symptoms. Either I'll have them and start freaking out, or I won't have them and spiral into depression. I'd rather just sit.

To keep myself occupied, here's a few things about me, right now.

Right now, I am typing with the help of a 90-pound Weimeraner. He's obsessed with computer and tv screens and won't let me do anything without him getting as close as possible. I'm pretty sure that if dogs can have mental diseases, he's got one. He's the weirdest dog I have ever met. He also thinks he's a lap dog.

I have 2 dogs, the Weim and a Welsh Corgi. They are named Dobby and Winky, after the 2 house elves in Harry Potter. (I'm a huge Potter fan.) I also have a very old, crochety, but very playful cat named Lilly. I have two African Dwarf frogs named Harry and Ron. They live in my classroom, and only come home for long breaks.

Right now, my DH is downstairs watching the K-State game. They're winning, but barely, and I know he's on edge. If they lose, despair will cover this house. Well, at least the part he's in...

I met DH in college. He went back to get his Master's in Theatre, and wound up getting one in teaching also. We "non-dated" (this is the best word we could come up with) for about 3 months before finally just giving in. I did not want to date him when I met him because 1) I had a boyfriend and 2) he is 17 years older than me. He didn't want to date me because 1) I had a boyfriend and 2) I was 19.

We fell in love anyway. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Right now, I smell peach cobbler dump cake baking, since that's what I'm making for school tomorrow. We are having a potluck.

And right now, I'm going to go. I'm sure you'll hear from me again soon, since there's plenty I want to say about the IUI, 2WW, and life in general right now.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Almost there...

I went to see Dr. Wiz this morning (at 8 AM through some of the worst rain we've had in AGES), and all looks well. I have one super-giant follie that he seemed very happy with. I get to give myself a shot of Ovi.drel tonight in the stomach, and I go in Monday (Monday!!) afternoon for my dIUI!!!

Can you tell I'm excited? I'm staying optimistic. My mantra seems to be thiswillworkthiswillworkthiswillwork. I'm completely ignoring statistics and other downers like that.

On an unrelated but surreal note, get this. We had to pick the sp.erm up from the storage place and drive it across the Metroplex to the Dr.'s office. Ha. It comes in a huge black box, the size of a small suitcase. It weighs a ton. Well, maybe not a ton. But like, forty pounds. And it had to sit upright, buckled in, in the backseat BETWEEN DH'S PARENTS!! Hahahahahahahahaha.

They are down visiting for spring break. We didn't realize this was going to coincide with swimmer transportation. It was a bit akward. Luckily, I have wonderful in-laws who just laughed when DH insisted on taking a "family picture" of them with their possible future grandchild buckled between them.

Good times.

Keep me in your prayers, y'all. And keep everything you can crossed. Monday's gonna be a good day!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

to borrow from "Alice"

"I sometimes believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast."*

1. I can swallow pills. (after a lifetime of being too afraid to)

2. I can give a shot to another person. (weekly, as a matter of fact)

3. I can live for 12 years without my dad. (and still miss him daily)

4. I can cook. (I used to burn water!)

5. I am a teacher in one of the best districts in the state.

6. I can (and will) get pregnant this month.

Five of these were impossible and yet have happened. Number six will come too.

The quote comes from Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland"

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

well, Finally

15 days late, AF finally came.

Went to see Dr. Wiz today. Did my baseline ultrasound for our first dIUI!

Everything medically wise looks good. Bank account, not so much.

When we started this shindig, DH specifically asked how much this was going to costs, since none of it is covered by insurance. After getting a reassuringly low number, we sort of quit stressing.

I paid for the full cycle's worth of treatments was 3x what they orignally told us. Apparently, he only told us the cost of the insimenation, but not anything else. Add on full pay for visits, ultrasounds, and blood tests, and suddenly, we have wiped out our very meager savings account.

Extra prayers that this works the first time would be great. Otherwise, I think both DH and I will be getting second jobs in order to pay for what other people get for free.

Sorry. Off the $$ bitch-fest and back to the Dr. I start Clo.mid on Friday (just before spring break, yay!) and continue it until the day my in-laws arrive. I go in to look at follies next Saturday, and hopefull do the dIUI Sunday or Monday. Oh, and I get to have a trigger shot of something that Saturday, but I missed the name of it. Any guesses? I want to say it started with a "P", but I could be wrong.

I find it hilarious that if we do the dIUI on Monday, I'll have to have a doctor's not for school, since we can't get a sub on the day before or the day after a holiday without one. And spring break is definitely a holiday!

I have also noticed that my mood swings seem entirely dependent on the weather lately. For instance yesterday: super rainy and so depressed I could barely stand. Today: sunny and warm and in a great mood, despite suddenly being flat broke. I should probably keep that in mind before writing horrible, dreary, negative posts.

Sorry for being all over the place. Needed to tell someone all of this, and DH is super pissed about the cost and it is currently impossible to talk to him. Maybe tomorrow. Have a great day!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Between mind and body

More than a year ago, my DH gave me a keychain for my birthday. It was a tiny little photo album, really only big enough for two pictures. He said it was for our baby.

It sat on my dresser for months. Every time I saw it, I smiled. I knew that in no time it would be on my keys with pictures in it.

When summer rolled around, I put in carefully in a box to be moved to the new house. I admit, I forgot about it. I recently found it in a box in the garage. It's sitting on my dresser again, but I don't smile every time I see it. Instead of being a hopeful symbol, it's a reminder that after a year and a half, we have no baby. The one we hoped for is light-years away.

I feel like my body has betrayed me. After years of perfect cycles on BC, and 18 months of completely regular cycles off BC, we come to this.

Dear Body,
I want you to know I think this is completely ridiculous. I think it is nuts that we finally have a chance to get pregnant, a real chance, and you decide to go haywire. Why now? Why, on our first opportunity, when everything else is lined up perfectly, do you decide that AF should be 2 WEEKS LATE!? All I ask is that AF come and go, so we can move on to the IUI. But apparently, that wasn't in your plans.

There is no part of me that thinks I'm pregnant. But one would think after 2 weeks, five days of proges.terone, and 3 days of the most horrific cramps ever, I'd have something to show for it.

Instead, I have nothing but anger and disappointment at myself. And worry, of course. Worry that maybe I'm not meant to be a mom, worry that this is just another setback in a long line of setbacks to come.

Monday, March 1, 2010


So, AF is now 8 days late. I took an HPT this morning, it came up "not pregnant", which I expected. Called Dr. Wiz's office. I get to start proges.terone pills tomorrow!! (I'm trying to be more upbeat...I think it's just coming off as sarcasm.) The list of side effects is long and scary. I am so not looking forward to it. But I am looking forward to getting AF out of the way and moving on to our first dIUI. I am so ready for it, and tired of it being pushed off. I guess it worked out ok though, since originally I think we would have been looking at an insemination this week, which would have been crazy. I already had report cards, a huge standardized test, and a field trip this week. Maybe my body just decided that was too much stress.

I realize this is completely unrelated and totally random, but has anyone ever had a broken tooth? I have one I broke years ago ( like 5 or 6) but it's never bothered me until this weekend. I guess I bit something wrong on Saturday, but now this stinkin tooth is throbbing to the point where it's all I can think about. I can barely chew my food, and reading aloud today was pure torture. Any advice?