Friday, May 25, 2012

Half Life

I realize I've kind of dropped off the face of the earth the past few months.  And this is not the post for me to update everyone. 

Today marks the 14th anniversary of my dad's death.  I have officially lived half my life without my father.

Although I thought this was crazy to think about, I thought I was ok with it.  But today, when I had my students write letters to their dads (like I do every year on this day) I started crying when telling them why they were writing. 

Apparently, 14 years isn't enough to get over missing your dad.   

Thursday, March 22, 2012

But what if I don't LIKE him?

Apparently, having a child who turns one sends out an invisible signal to everyone else on the planet. This signal induces nosy word-vomit that comes out in the form of "So, when is number 2?"

I don't know what to say to this. Partly because it's none of their busines, but partly because I don't know the answer myself.

Number 2?

I always wanted 4. Now that I have Cate, I only want her.

I know I would love another baby. But I'm not sure I'd like him or her. Cate is an exceptionally easy baby. If I had one that cried all the time, or woke up every two hours, I'm afraid all I would do is compare that baby to Cate. And resentment would follow.

There is a huge part of me that feels selfish for this. I have never met anyone who loved being an only child. I feel like I will be depriving Cate of all kinds of cool-ness having siblings gives you. And when she's all grown up and Jeff and I are gone? Who will she have, if not a brother or sister?

That doesn't seem like a terribly legit reason to have another.

I suppose I still have a while to think about this. We can't afford daycare for 2 kids, no matter what. So #2 won't be in the picture until Cate is at least 3 and in district pre-school. But that's 2 years away.

What the heck to I say to everyone between now and then?

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Oh, so Random

A few pieces of what's floating through my head at the moment:

1. Cate turned 1 on Sunday. While I still maintain that there's no way she's already one, it happened. And her Uncle and soon-to-be-Aunt got her a shirt that says "Made with Love and Science". LOVE IT.

2. I ordered this shirt for myself yesterday. Cannot wait till it comes in! I was never a Snape fan till the end of HPatDH, but I'm loving it now. AND, I can wear it when my grade does our brand spanking new HP unit at the end of this year. We are turning our hallway into Hogwarts!

3. Hunger Games comes out this weekend! Aunt and Uncle are coming over to watch Cate on Saturday so we can go see it. Super excited about this.

4. Also on Saturday, the local roller derby league is having a Bout. I really really really want to join this roller derby league, and will as soon as I can afford the starter package and am sure I have a job next year (that's up in the air, but I really don't want to talk about it). I can't wait to go see an actual roller derby bout in person!

5. Sunday night is my first ever book club meeting. I've always wanted to be in a book club, and now I am. We read 2 books, mostly cause of a misunderstanding. We read "Delirium" by Lauren Oliver and "Divergent" by Veronica Roth. The first was ok, the second was fantastic. Seriously waiting for that movie now too.

If you like to read, go get "Divergent". It's in the teen fiction. Read it, then come back here and tell me what faction you think you'd be in. Belive me, picking factions is more fun that picking Hogwarts Houses. (Delirium is teen fiction too, if you're interested.)

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

So very, very excited!

So there is a wonderful woman in my life (don't want to mention names, since I'm really not sure how many people IRL actually know about/read this blog) who is finally pregnant.

I couldn't be happier for her. :)

She and her husband have been trying for at least 16 months, he was gearing up for an appointment with a urologist and it sounded like they were headed for an IUI.

But no, she told me today she's 6 weeks along. They saw the heartbeat yesterday.

I'm beyond thrilled for her, and I'm pretty darn happy with myself. This is the first time I've been genuinely happy, without a hint of jealousy, for someone who got pregnant on her own.

I have to keep the secret for another 6 weeks, but I figured it couldn't hurt too much to tell my bloggy friends about it. Right?

Sunday, February 12, 2012

It's been a While...

I find it hard to post on here.

I don't want to innundate everone with posts about baby baby baby nonstop. I was hoping to be writing about egg donations, but that seems to have fallen through, at least right now. I might try again in the summer, when I have a bit of downtime.

Before Cate, well, really before TTC, I wanted 4 kids. I had a whole theory on why that was the perfect number. I wanted a large family. I wanted all the noise and mess and chaos that would come with that.


I can't imagine why I would ever need to have another child.

I can't imagine ever loving another child as much as I love Cate. Surely Cate would be the favorite.

Now, I feel like we should try again, just so she doesn't have to be an only child. Everyone I know who was an only child hated it. More than anything, I want her to be happy.

I just can't picture life with Cate + baby.

Speaking of Cate, she is growing up so fast. It's amazing to watch.

Funny story: I went into a bookstore a couple weeks ago to buy a book, but I decided to find Cate a book first. So I took her to the children's section, and finally she and I settled on "Pride and Prejudice". (Did you know there's a children's version? It's a counting board book.) I handed it to Cate in her stroller and went to browse for myself. All the time I was walking the aisles, people were laughing at me. Finally, one guy said "starting her kind of early, don't you think?" and when I looked down, she had the book open in front of her, right side up, and was staring intently at the pages.

Then, since that store didn't have what I was looking for, I wend across the street to another one. They had "Girl with a Dragon Tattoo", so I decided to get it. Cate wanted to hold it, so I gave it to her. She opened it up to the middle of the book and stared at the pages. The cashier looked at me and said "little above her reading level, don't you think?" I responed with "nah, she just finished Pride and Prejudice."

The look on the cashier's face was priceless.

Friday, January 20, 2012

So Grateful

Jeff, Cate, and I took a trip to the Scottish Rite Children's Hospital today. Our pediatrician has been worried that Cate isn't crawling with her belly off the floor or pulling up on things yet, and wanted to check out her hips. We had x-rays done on Monday, and we took them with us today. Everything is fine. The doctors at Scottish Rite thought, as Jeff and I did, that Cate would do it when she was ready. Ah well, that's not really what this post is about anyway.

I was/am already so grateful for Cate. We're incredibly lucky, and I know it. But today, it really hit home.

Sitting in the waiting room at SR was like sitting in a whole different world. In the 2 1/2 hours we were there, we met an 18 month old with no legs and one hand, a boy about 12 with burns so severe he lost his foot, I saw babies with casts, toddlers in wheelchairs, and one beautiful little girl with a metal halo attached to a hook that held her head up as she walked. And parents, who were totally chill and laid back and knew that hospital like the backs of their hands. Parents who commented on Cate's long legs, when their daughter had none.

I am so grateful. We have a beautiful, smart, healthy little girl. She may not crawl yet, but that doesn't stop her from chasing the cat all over the house. I told her "no" today, and she looked at me and said "ok". She smiled and charmed every person she met today, even giving the old doctor a hug. She did not cry once during the 2 1/2 hours we were at the hospital, even though most of that was spent waiting. She played, and watched, and talked.

She is absolutely perfect. She is more than I ever dreamed, and I am so glad she's mine.

So glad, and so so thankful.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Over and Done With

I can't say I'm sad to see 2011 go. I'm not. I'm thrilled. I'm relieved that a new year has started, that I might be able to breathe again.

Don't misunderstand me. 2011 brought us Cate, and so was a wonderful year, family-wise. It will go down in history as the Best. Year. Ever. because of her.

But really, the year sucked. It sucked balls. I'm so glad it's gone.

How nice to be able to write that.

In 2011, we dealt with: extra hospital bills from Cate's birth, her broken clavicle, a busted toliet, a toliet flood, a broken computer, 2 car breakdowns, 2 broken air conditioners, another broken toliet, a puddle in the middle of my bedroom from a cracked foundation, broken tiles in the shower, and a leaky watering system that caused our water bill to double for months. We paid countless medical bills, 3 tickets, more medical bills. I put my wonderful boy Dobby to sleep. Jeff had a stomach virus, then mono, then mono and stomach virus. He had an ER visit, a TIA, and a terrified wife.

Truly. I'm so glad that damn year is over.

This year is already starting out better. My little brother proposed to his girlfriend, so I'll soon have a new sister. We still have medical bills to pay from Jeff's hospital visit, but thankfully they're manageable. The puddle in my bedroom is dried up; hopefully insurance can take care of it permanantly.

We still have a gorgeous daughter, who is finally cutting her first two teeth and is army crawling all over the house. She babbles at us, and laughs, and gets angry when we don't share our food with her. She's trying to set herself up from her stomach, and I'm sure she'll be pulling herself up to standing in no time. Quite frankly, this house can crumble down around me. As long as I have Cate, I won't be too upset.

But I'm really really hoping this year is better than last.