Sunday, January 30, 2011

Big Step

I took a big step today. Well, it was a big step for me, anyway.

I washed some of the baby stuff.

Sheets, a mattress pad, and lots of clothes.

I had to take the tags off first.

Let me repeat that, because it seems so small written up there on the screen.

I took the tags off baby clothes, and I washed them.

I've avoided that very thing this entire pregnancy, because it feels like tempting fate.

With less than six weeks to go, I figure the fate I'm tempting would be for her to come early, and me to have no washed sheets for her to sleep on.

Deep breath.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

34 Weeks

How far along? 34 Weeks, 1 day

Total weight gain? 22 lbs. Although my mom says I actually look thinner, and that the weight is all in my stomach. So that's something...

Symptoms? Heartburn. Overwhelming sense of fear....oh wait. That's probably not a symptom.

Stretch Marks? Many

Sleep? Wake up to turn over, wake up cause of the heartburn, but other than that it's not too bad.

Best Moment last week? Not catching the flu with at least 30 of our students out with it. Believe me, that's a great thing.

Movement? Never get tired of it.

Food Cravings? Eh. Not really.

What I miss? Breathing. Being able to sit up to type and eat. I have to lean back, and I just don't do that!

What I am looking forward to? Finishing the nursery. It's almost there!

Milestones? First childbirth class is out of the way. 2 more, plus breastfeeding and parenting classes.

How is Daddy? I don't think the childbirth class scared him as much as it scared me. Which is totally not fair!

I went to the cardiovascular specialist on Monday, and they said my heart was "perfect", so we know that's not causing the dizziness. Dr. P called at 8:45 Wednesday night, while I was in the bathtub and Jeff couldn't be bothered to reach the 2 feet to answer my cell phone, so she left a message. She said I am anemic and to up my iron intake, and also to let her know if I have any problems contacting the other specialist. Since I can't find his business card, I would asssume it's a problem, but since I go see her on Thursday anyway, I'll just talk to her then.

When Jeff and I walked into the hospital lobby for childbirth class on Thursday, there was an L&D nurse just getting off the elevator, and she looked at me and asked "Is it time!?" Uhhhh. NO! Seriously. I still have six weeks. I shouldn't look this big!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

33 Weeks

How far along? 33 Weeks, 1 day

Total weight gain? 20 lbs. It's getting to the point where I'd just rather not say...

Symptoms? Heartburn. Not sure if I've mentioned that...

Stretch Marks? Of course.

Sleep? Wake up to turn over, wake up cause of the heartburn, but other than that it's not too bad.

Best Moment last week? Baby shower :)

Movement? Lots. It's so cool to be able to sit and watch my stomach move on it's own.

Food Cravings? Sushi. Ice cream. I want lots of ice cream.

What I miss? Breathing.

What I am looking forward to? Finishing the nursery. It's almost there!

Milestones? 33 weeks is surely a milestone.

How is Daddy? Painting the nursery! He's good.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Doctor's note, please?

I had a doctor appointment today. (Loving going every two weeks, BTW. Doesn't bother me a bit.) I had four questions to ask her walking in, and she managed to ask me about two of them before I got to ask her. However, that was where the coolness ended.

Last appointment, I mentioned that I had been shaky/dizzy/lightheaded that week, and that the school nurse actually sent me home. Well, that shaky/dizzy/lightheaded business has continued pretty regularly since then. Dr. P said it's perfectly normal for pregnant women to pass out, but that the circumstances that are making me feel that way are not the normal ones. (It usually happens in the morning, it's not blood sugar or blood pressure, it's not a change of position, etc.) Instead, there are times where I can't stand for more than a minute, or, like this morning, I get dizzy while sitting in my chair. So, she's sending me to get a cardiovascular ultrasound and an EKG, and when that's over, she's sending me to a high-risk pregnancy doc so he can look at things. Oh, and she's running some bloodwork on me in the meantime.

While all of that sounds nice and terrifying, she told Jeff while I was getting my blood drawn that she doesn't think it's that serious and that it's probably just an exaggerated pregnancy symptom (not that I'm exaggerating, my body is), but that she wanted to be sure. Awesome.

On the bright side, I got a doctor's note excusing me from our field trip in two weeks, since the entire field trip is hiking around in the woods for a day. In February. That's one I'm perfectly fine with missing.

I call heart doctor tomorrow, and call high-risk doctor after I see the first one. I guess I'll let ya know.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

How is pregnancy like a paper cut?

Or, to be even more vague,

"How is a raven like a writing desk?"

I couldn't sleep last night and though up an awesome blog post about how it feels to carry a baby that is half stranger. But of course, I can't remember much of it this morning, except that I had compared it to a paper cut. So bear with me.

When we first got our azoo diagnosis, and we realized that children that were biologically "ours" were out of the question, I felt like I'd been shot. I felt like I was going to bleed to death from the pain of it. Of course, that pain has dulled. Had it not, I'm not sure I would be a functioning human being.

It still hurts though. But it feels more like a paper cut than a bullet hole. How?

Think about a paper cut. A deep one. Sure, it hurts like the dickens, and you're irritated that you just got a paper cut, because really, how useless is that? But the pain fades until you go and use antibacterial stuff or get dish soap in it. Then it stings just as much as it did when you got it.

This DS thing is kind of like that.

Actually, it's a lot like that. It hurt to begin with, that this baby didn't ever have the chance to inherit my husband's gorgeous blue eyes or is perpetual energy or his ability to have a conversation with a tree stump.

Most of the time, I don't think about that. Most of the time, I think about our daughter, and how loved she already is, and how awesome it'll be when she gets here.

But then, something will happen to bring the sting back. Like a complete stranger commenting on how curly her hair is sure to be when they see Jeff and I together. Or conversations about other babies and which parent they look like the most, and knowing that while these conversations will surely happen about Cate, Jeff, and I, they will be skewed. I assume these things will always sting, like a never-ending, never-healing paper cut.

And really, how useless is that?

Friday, January 14, 2011

32 Weeks

How far along? 32 weeks

Total Weight Gain? 19 lbs

Symptoms? Heartburn.

Stretch Marks? Too many to think about.

Sleep? Better than it was. Sleeping naked helps, even though then I freeze. In fact, the other night, I managed to sleep 5 straight hours!

Best Moment Last Week? Getting the email from my team to the whole school inviting everyone to the staff baby shower. It's probably the only one I'll have, and it made me smile (and cry. The girl who wrote the invite made it super sweet.)

I'm slowly getting to distinguish between a kick and a roll, which is cool.

Food Cravings? Sushi

What I miss? Being able to stand for more than 5 minutes without getting lightheaded.

What I am looking forward to? Baby shower on Wednesday!

Milestones? Only 8 weeks left!

How is Daddy?
Cute. We toured the L&D yesterday at the hospital, and he stood and stared at the 1 baby in the nursery.

Friday, January 7, 2011

31 Weeks

How far along? 31 weeks

Total Weight Gain? 17 lbs

Symptoms? Heartburn still tops the list. Exhaustion, although that may just be school.

Stretch Marks? Lots, unfortunately. I have about 8 small ones on my stomach, but my hips and thighs are covered. It's slightly ridiculous.

Sleep? Actually managed to get a couple good nights of sleep this week. Had to sleep naked to do it, which makes it much colder, but hey, I'll take what I can get. Really missing my electric blanket.

Best Moment Last Week? Feeling her kick all the time. I find it amazing.

Movement? Yes. Lots. In fact, she's starting to hit and kick hard enough it hurts. I had three people ask me this week if I was ok because I was making faces when she kicked. I was fine, she's just strong! :)

Food Cravings? Nope. Not really.

What I miss? Being able to bend over comfortably, and stand up comfortably. Oh, and being able to walk faster than a sloth without losing my breath. Oh, and being able to say more than three sentences without losing my breath.

What I am looking forward to? Refinishing the dresser for the nursery. It's a used one we bought last week, and it needs sanded down and repainted. I probably can't do the painting, but I can sand and do the detail work.

Milestones? This whole pregnancy feels like one big milestone.

How is Daddy? Go ask him. He needs to get on his blog more anyway.

Thanks for the comments about the breastfeeding thing. Foxy, I plan on taking a class at the end of the month. Maybe they'll have advice, but like I said, I don't think I'll be too torn up about it if I can't. I don't plan on letting it define me as a mother.

On Tuesday, I got sent home by the school nurse. I was shaky, dizzy, and seeing spots. Tuesday was the worst, but anytime I stand up for more than 20 minutes (sometimes less) the feeling comes back. I asked the doctor about it at my appointment yesterday and was told it could be:
a) the baby is laying on an artery.
b)my sodium is too high ( she didn't think it was this, since my ankles aren't swollen)
c)I'm fighting off a cold or something (the way I feel at the moment, this seems likely)
d)my heart is stressed out, and I need an EKG.

The last choice is a little worrisome. I was told to keep my feet propped up as much as possible and to call on Monday if I was still feeling the same. I gotta say, teaching from my chair with my feet propped up makes me feel like the laziest teacher ever, but I don't feel a bit guilty about it. :)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Did you really just ask me that?

There are exactly two people in the world who NEED to know whether or not I'm breastfeeding: My husband and my doctor. So why is it that every woman who's had a child (and some men) and some people without kids but who obviously know better than me anyway seem to think it's their business?

I find this much more annoying than people rubbing my belly. (Although, I was pretty annoyed when our former dog trainer reached out and rubbed my belly when we bumped into her at the store. She jerked her hand away when I looked at her, like maybe I didn't notice. Idiot.)

People just don't seem satisfied with my generic answer of "I plan on trying." They want to know why I would try and then stop. They want to know how long I'll try. They want to tell me all the horrible things that will happen to my daughter if I don't breastfeed her until she's 13.

Truth is, I can't stand to have my nipples touched. I don't even like touching them myself. While I'm praying to get over that for the sake of my child, there's no guarantee I will. It's very likely that I just won't be able to handle it and will have to switch to formula immediately. I am fine with that. I won't beat myself up if I can't breastfeed. But I may have to beat other people up if they can't butt out.

I'm sorry this post is so bitchy. Going back to school did not put me in a good mood, so the more heartfelt, less bitchy post I'd like to write has taken a back seat for a few days.