Thursday, December 24, 2009

Results and such

Well, here they are:

SA: None. Again.

Blood work: AZFC chromosomal defect. Doesn't do much except effect fertility.

Final results: Crappy.

Dr. B. told us that, should we like to try, for us there's up to a 30% chance we might find some very fragile sperm with a biopsy, but if that sperm resulted in a male child, he would inherit the AZFC. We have decided not go to that route. It's way too much money for such a small chance of working.

I'm still grieving. I didn't just want a baby. I wanted my husband's baby. I wanted a baby with his blue eyes and curly hair and sense of humor. I wasn't ready to let that baby go. I admit, I'm a little bit jealous of the women who, despite all IF troubles, are still using their own eggs and their husband's sperm. But then, as far as we know, I can get pregnant without a problem.

So now, we're sitting here at a fork in the road that I never imagined. Adoption or IUI, using donor sperm. After the new year, we're going to start trying to find an RE, run some more tests on me, just to make sure everything really is working right before we start dropping thousands of dollars on procedures not covered by insurance. We're also going to talk to some adoption lawyers, agencies, and go to a CPS interest meeting for adopting out of foster care.

For now, we're just bracing ourselves to make it through Christmas. Outside of my parents and my little brother, my family has no idea, so we'll tell them while staring at my pregnant cousin. The we'll head to Kansas, where is family has been told, at least. But I swear, if anyone says anything besides "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll pray for you." I might slap them. I can't handle any "well, just adopt" or "relax, it'll happen" or anything along those lines. Right now, I can't handle any overly optimistic statements. I just want hugs.


  1. Here's a *hug* from the cyberworld. Those results really suck.

    We're MF, too. Mr. Jem braved the biopsy and we did IVF with ICSI, but it resulted in a BFN. This cycle we're transfering the embies that were frozen.


  2. I'm so sorry sweetie. Sending strength and hugs to you.

    I do hope that you don't have to hear assy comments from anyone. If the family does know about the situation, could you tell one person to prep the rest of the family that you two don't want to hear any advice?

  3. So so sorry to hear the news. I pray that you'll make it through the holidays without idiotic comments. I just recently told my parents... My dad's advice: just relax. Really? I never knew relaxing helps create swimmers! I'll let the urologist in on that secret. Praying for you and sending hugs.

  4. I'm sorry hon. That really blows. I know what you mean about wanting a child that has your traits. I still have hope for that too.

  5. I just came across your DH's blog today and followed his link to here. Oh my gosh - if only people would just instinctively know that sometimes an optimistic response or suggestion just isn't the right thing - and a hug is. Agreed! My DH and I will be taking the DS IUI route as soon as all ducks are in a row.