Saturday, January 9, 2010

A Few Things

First off, let me start out with part of the email my husband sent me yesterday:

I decided that I want us to do IUI. Every time I have thought about having a child with you, I have only imagined looking at that child and seeing a part of you. Whether it is your red locks, your smile, your freckles, your love of books, your desire to adopt every animal alive, even that happy dance you do. You are so wonderful I think it would be wrong on so many levels not to see a part of you live on. You mean so much to me, how could I not want more parts of you in my life? In the end this just seems right to me.

So, it looks like we'll be trying IUI. And, it looks like I have the most wonderful husband ever. And, just for the record, I have no idea what happy dance he's talking about...

Funny thing is, he's spent the whole week contacting adoption agencies and lawyers and sending all the information to me. I, on the other hand, found an RE and made my first appointment.

I feel better since we've made a decision. Before, I felt so overwhelmed with all the information and options and questions and fees that just kept piling up. I had no optimism whatsoever. I have a little more now.

On to the next thing: While in Kansas over Christmas, DH and I visited his birth family. We've done this for the past couple years. It's just about the only time we see or talk to them. That might change. He had told them about his azoo diagnosis because he wanted to talk to his R (his half-brother) about the child he recently adopted. And out of the blue, R offered us his sperm.

We were super surprised. I mean, we see them once a year, at most. At first, DH was inclined to to say thanks, but no thanks. But he's been thinking about it, and now we're considering it. DH is considering it cause it would save us tons of money. I'm considering it because DH and R could be twins, and I might have a baby that looks like my husband, instead of a complete stranger. That would be nice.

So, the last thing I want to say is: I would love some advice about the following things:

  • Questions I should ask the RE.
  • People who have used donor sperm who can tell me about banks, success, etc.
  • People who have chosen family donor sperm over a bank.
If you know someone who can tell me anything about any of that, please send them my way. Thanks.


  1. It's great to have a plan, it takes so much weight off your shoulders.
    My Dh and I are considering his brother for donor sperm. (We haven't asked him yet.)
    The RE told us with a "known donor", BIL would need to be tested for the battery of diseases, his sperm would quarantined for 6 months and then tested again. In that time we would all need psychological counseling and lawyers to go through the legality's of the sperm belonging to us, the child belonging to us etc.
    A bank eliminates the need for all of that because it's been done already. You should browse some of the banks and just see how it works.. (it"s a lot like online shopping..scary). My DH isn't ready to use a bank but lets see what his brother says first.
    Ask the RE about costs, a timeline, the procedure in detail and what they require from you to get started. Bloodwork, ultrasounds, HSG's etc.
    Email me (not pregnant just at gmail)
    anytime if you want to chat or need additional information that I may be able to help with.
    Azoo is a very very hard diagnosis.. I know..hang in!

  2. We used a bank. My husband has a brother that we thought about asking, but for me it just felt weird. My BIL I don't have the best relationship and he is already very demanding about certain things so for me it really wasn't a good option. I do know that with known sperm it is a very long process because you have to do psychological counseling and a lot of testing and waiting before you can actually use the sperm.

    We used Fairfax Cryobank and I was extremely pleased with them. They have a lot of options. If you have any specific questions about the process you can e-mail me at somewhatordinary at gmail dot com

  3. That's great that you've got a plan! KUP on everything!

  4. We used Fairfax Cryobank as well and are really pleased with them. They had a good number of donors that met our initial criteria and we were able to narrow down from there.

    Using known sperm was not an option for us, so we went with an anonymous donor, though one who is on the list that will allow the child to petition for the donor's name and identity when the child is 18.

    I did a post on how we chose our donor, just email me if you'd like a link, and Mel has a good reference post on that as well.

  5. Hi, here from LFCA. DH and I are currently doing IUI with a donor. We used California Cryobank and have been very happy so far. We chose an anonymous donor even though DH has a brother.

    I loved going on and "shopping" for the donor. It was amazing how very specific you could get about almost every aspect of life.

    When it came time to purchase vials, I picked out 5 choices and sat down to review them with DH. He asked about the criteria and we ended up doing a brand new search. That search turned up someone I hadn't seen before, but someone who met all of our criteria. I was adamant that DH be involved in that process, and we chose a donor who was exactly like my DH on paper.

  6. After our IVF/TESA failures, we moved to dIUIs with my BIL (DH's twin brother) at our RE's. While while he was required to have the bloodwork and STD testing done for each set of 3 donations over one week (in total he donated 6 times which ended up in 8 vials), our RE allowed us to waive the 6 month holding period. We ended up doing 7 dIUIs with the RE, and tried home inseminations for 4 cycles, over the course of 2 years. The RE felt that my endo was keeping me from getting pregnant. We saved up and tried IVF again this time exclusively with BIL and conceived this little one and I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant. In total, we tried with our donor for 2.5 years, so we aren't the perfect story in that respect, but we persevered and it finally worked!