I got an email from my local RESOLVE leader yesterday. Apparently, a new woman wants to come to our next meeting, but she's going through secondary IF, as opposed to the rest of us.
Now, here's my problem. On the one hand, I fully understand the need to have people to talk with. Our group is small but so supportive. I know this woman wants the same thing we all want: a place to vent and cry and rage and question without fear. I understand that.
On the other hand...and I'll admit I feel incredibly selfish and shallow and mean saying this... this woman already has a child. She's already got one! Shouldn't we (those of us who feel like a baby is light years away still) get a first one, before she gets to cry about not having a second?!?!
I actually feel a bit worse admitting that.
Surely that I feel this way makes me a bad person. I keep trying to tell myself that IF SUCKS, no matter what. I keep trying to tell myself that the group supports me, even though as far as we know, IF is all on DH's end, and that I should be able to get pregnant easily. If they can do that, if they can love me, without any trace of jealousy or bitterness, can't I do my best to support a woman who is facing the same crap as the rest of us?
No. I can't. Because at the end of the meeting, she gets to go home to her child. And I don't.