I appreciate your faith in me, even though I don't always have that much faith in you. I am grateful that you think that I have strength. But God? I don't particularly want to be this strong. Truth be told, I don't want to at all. And I don't think I am. This is changing me Lord, in a way I don't like to see. I used to be level-headed, laid-back, happy. Now, I worry all the time, cry at the smallest things, and am truly afraid I have hit a level of depression I can't handle on my own. I feel like I use all the strength I have trying to be strong in front of other people. It takes all my energy to be optimistic for my husband, to be cheerful for my students, to be calm for my mom. There's nothing left for me. I am left scared and defeated.
If you don't mind, I would really appreciate it if you could stop testing me, just for a little while. I'm not asking for a miracle. Just a break. Thanks.