Monday, August 16, 2010

Nobody said it was easy...

No one ever said it would be so hard.

*This post is probably waaaaaay too much TMI for almost everyone, so I fully understand if you check out the bump picture and ignore the rest. It's cool.

My mom took this on her cell phone while we were out shopping for some maternity clothes that would last me the duration of my pregnancy at school, since nothing I own fits anymore. I'm about 9.5 weeks in the pic.

I had this awesome idea when Jeff and I started TTC that when I got pregnant, I would be the same, only pregnant. Maybe a little more nauseous, of course with a bigger belly, but still the same.

No one ever told me that I would feel completely unlike myself. No one told me that I would completely lose Julie in the face of Pregnant Julie. No one told me that I would feel like something else has completely taken over my body, and shoved me down into the tip of my left pinky finger. I'm beginning to think that's all that's left of me.

No one ever told me that I would have sudden, intense, inexplicable rages toward random people. Like the lady walking down the center of the parking lot aisle on Saturday. While it's annoying, I shouldn't want to kill her, or at least hit her hard with my car. That's excessive, right?

No one ever told me that I would have such crazy mood swings. And, unfortunately, none of them seem to swing me toward the happy end of the spectrum. Usually it's either depressed or really really angry (see above).

No one ever told me that it is possible to be simultaneously starving and yet have no desire to put ANYTHING in your mouth.

No one ever told me that I would be constipated beyond belief, that every *poo* would be cause for a freaking party, and that nothing so far would help relieve this.

This is off topic, and probably TMI, so I apologize. Mom and Effa, you probably want to skip this. Kerri, Michelle, and Stella: you too.
The few times I have managed to *ahem* reach the Big O since I have been pregnant, I have had nightmares of miscarriage right after. This terrifies me of course, and makes me completely not interested in you know what. I don't like that, and I know Jeff doesn't either.

Thanks for listening to me rant. I know I've been saying I'm feeling pretty good, and overall I am. Just not normal good, I guess.


  1. I read your post twice, but all I can focus on is your beautiful belly bump :)

    Really though, it must feel strange to feel so unlike yourself. Does Jeff notice it too, or is it something that you feel more than how you are really reacting to things?

    PS - Thanks for telling all of these things that no one else seems to think is worth telling us!

  2. Jeff says I don't seem like myself. I think the mood swings are bothering him the most!

  3. I know back in the day people thought it was bad to O while PG, but from what I've read, that thought has changed. I've read that it's actually encouraged! Although truth be told, it still makes me worry a bit too. Best wishes!

  4. It takes a while to get happy with sex again. with both my pregnancies i was scared until about 12 weeks. for some reason after that it was just amazing. the hungry but not wanting to eat will be there for the whole pregnancy. but you'll get HUGE cravings and when you get those eat them. (when i got them if i didn't eat them i couldn't eat anything). The baby bump is very cute. :)

  5. Cute pic! I didn't know all those things about pregnancy either. Thanks for the heads up on what can change!

  6. oh wow, Julie...
    first, you look BEAUTIFUL...look at that baby bump...just gorgeous.

    the other stuff, well yeah, that's what they don't put in the Johnson & Johnson commercials and the books. Plus the infertility makes it so much harder to enjoy every you should be.

    I threw up for 35 weeks, normally more than 4 times a i know how it feels to be hungry and not hungry at the same time...the constipation and the constant fear of sex I was told NOT TO HAVE SEX (Of ANY and not to if you're at least trying..GOOD FOR YOU. I know it's scary, but as long as your dr says go...then GO!!!!!

    I wish you could enjoy this, or feel more like yourself, I hate to admit it, but I still don't feel like myself...I was IF, then I was PG, then I was a mom..where'd Kirsten go???

    My best advice, is to just keep writing, keep taling to Jeff about it, try to do one thing that makes you smile a day, and hopefully the 2nd trimester and finding out the gender, other big milestones, will help to get you there...back to Julie.

    BIG HUGS beautiful girl

  7. I hear you on the sex business. I'm NOT interested. I can't focus, and not only b/c I spotted the first few times we had sex while pregnant. I keep reading about how the 2nd tri gives your libido a huge boost, and it ain't happenin' here. Quite the opposite, actually.

    Silly me for thinking getting pregnant and ending the infertility ride would lead to a more normal sex life. Who knew?

  8. Oh Julie! I'm sorry you're not feeling like yourself. Your bump is so cute, though! I think the fact that you're aware of the changes is very healthy. Thanks for keeping us updated on the not-so-pretty side of being pregnant.