No one ever said it would be so hard.
*This post is probably waaaaaay too much TMI for almost everyone, so I fully understand if you check out the bump picture and ignore the rest. It's cool.
My mom took this on her cell phone while we were out shopping for some maternity clothes that would last me the duration of my pregnancy at school, since nothing I own fits anymore. I'm about 9.5 weeks in the pic.
I had this awesome idea when Jeff and I started TTC that when I got pregnant, I would be the same, only pregnant. Maybe a little more nauseous, of course with a bigger belly, but still the same.
No one ever told me that I would feel completely unlike myself. No one told me that I would completely lose Julie in the face of Pregnant Julie. No one told me that I would feel like something else has completely taken over my body, and shoved me down into the tip of my left pinky finger. I'm beginning to think that's all that's left of me.
No one ever told me that I would have sudden, intense, inexplicable rages toward random people. Like the lady walking down the center of the parking lot aisle on Saturday. While it's annoying, I shouldn't want to kill her, or at least hit her hard with my car. That's excessive, right?
No one ever told me that I would have such crazy mood swings. And, unfortunately, none of them seem to swing me toward the happy end of the spectrum. Usually it's either depressed or really really angry (see above).
No one ever told me that it is possible to be simultaneously starving and yet have no desire to put ANYTHING in your mouth.
No one ever told me that I would be constipated beyond belief, that every *poo* would be cause for a freaking party, and that nothing so far would help relieve this.
This is off topic, and probably TMI, so I apologize. Mom and Effa, you probably want to skip this. Kerri, Michelle, and Stella: you too.
The few times I have managed to *ahem* reach the Big O since I have been pregnant, I have had nightmares of miscarriage right after. This terrifies me of course, and makes me completely not interested in you know what. I don't like that, and I know Jeff doesn't either.
Thanks for listening to me rant. I know I've been saying I'm feeling pretty good, and overall I am. Just not normal good, I guess.