I have a confession...
I know I have been a terrible blogger.
Practically every post I've made since July has been the weekly pregnancy update.
Or me waxing poetic about the joys of green dip.
I feel guilty for this. One, because I know how much I hated reading only pregnancy-related posts when I wasn't pregnant, and two, because to everyone but me and probably my mom, those posts are pointless.
I mean, do you really care how many stretch marks I have? I thought not.
I seem to have come down with a horrible case of postiphobia. ( I actually did not make that word up. I just googled it to see if it was a real phobia before I made a fool of myself, and it turns out other people use the word too.)
I am afraid of writing what I truly want to write.
"Why?" you may ask.
Because I don't want to seem ungrateful.
I'm afraid to write about my back aching, my stomach stretching, my lack of quality sleep.
I'm afraid to write about my complete, total, and utter lack of a s.e.x. drive. ( I feel like finding a hooker for my husband might be justified...)
I'm afraid to write about the fears that constantly plague me about having a child that is genetically half-stranger. (What if she looks absolutely nothing like me? What if she has straight hair?)
I'm afraid to write the fears that come with having a husband who did not father our baby. (What if he really can't connect to her? What if he gives up trying?)
I'm afraid to write anything that will make me seem ungrateful. Because I'm not. I thank God every time her kicks wake me up when I'm dozing off, every time I don't sleep through the night, every time I run out of breath walking down the hall to the bathroom.
I am grateful. But I am also afraid.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
25 Weeks
How far along? 25 Weeks
Total Weight Gain? 13 lbs.
Symptoms? The heartburn is still pretty unpleasant
Stretch Marks? One.
Sleep? Bout the same. I wake up a lot, and get up at least once a night.
Best Moment Last Week? My little brother giving thanks for Cate during the prayer on Thanksgiving.
Movement? Yup. I can't get enough. Mostly, she moves around when I'm still for a while, so I don't feel her all the time. Love it when I do though.
Food Cravings? Not so much, other than the milk. The green dip was fantastic though!
What I miss? My balance.
What I am looking forward to? Working on the nursery.
Milestones? We're eggplant sized this week! Holy cow!
How is Daddy? He's gotten to feel Cate a couple times this week, he was pretty excited. He was a little worried that she stopped every time he tried to feel her. I told him it was probably just the weight of his hand, but I think he was concerned. :)
Total Weight Gain? 13 lbs.
Symptoms? The heartburn is still pretty unpleasant
Stretch Marks? One.
Sleep? Bout the same. I wake up a lot, and get up at least once a night.
Best Moment Last Week? My little brother giving thanks for Cate during the prayer on Thanksgiving.
Movement? Yup. I can't get enough. Mostly, she moves around when I'm still for a while, so I don't feel her all the time. Love it when I do though.
Food Cravings? Not so much, other than the milk. The green dip was fantastic though!
What I miss? My balance.
What I am looking forward to? Working on the nursery.
Milestones? We're eggplant sized this week! Holy cow!
How is Daddy? He's gotten to feel Cate a couple times this week, he was pretty excited. He was a little worried that she stopped every time he tried to feel her. I told him it was probably just the weight of his hand, but I think he was concerned. :)
Friday, November 19, 2010
24 Weeks
How far along? 24 Weeks
Total Weight Gain? 12 lbs.
Symptoms? The heartburn is still pretty unpleasant.
Stretch Marks? Just the one new one. I'm not sure why it's freaking me out like it is, but it is.
Sleep? Still not good. I have to wake up every single time I need to change positions, and I've been sleeping entirely on my side, which is not that comfortable.
Best Moment Last Week? I don't have one that sticks out. Every moment that it re-dawns on me I'm pregnant is a great moment.
Movement? Yes. :) It makes me so happy to feel her and actually know it's her. I don't notice the movement unless I'm sitting still and quiet, but it seems like every time I'm still and quiet, I fall asleep. That could be the problem.
Food Cravings? Milk. I am super excited though. My mom offered to stop at the nearest Casa Ole (the one two hours away) on her way back from her trip this weekend and get me some green dip!!
What I miss? I can't seem to put my pants on this week without falling over. I'm guessing that's just going to get worse.
What I am looking forward to? More movement, as usual. And painting the nursery!
Milestones? We hit viability this week. Although it's a terrifying thought, it's good to know she has a fighting chance if something happened.
How is Daddy?I'm not sure, since he's on the other side of the state. I'm going to assume though that he's bummed not to be here rubbing my belly.
Total Weight Gain? 12 lbs.
Symptoms? The heartburn is still pretty unpleasant.
Stretch Marks? Just the one new one. I'm not sure why it's freaking me out like it is, but it is.
Sleep? Still not good. I have to wake up every single time I need to change positions, and I've been sleeping entirely on my side, which is not that comfortable.
Best Moment Last Week? I don't have one that sticks out. Every moment that it re-dawns on me I'm pregnant is a great moment.
Movement? Yes. :) It makes me so happy to feel her and actually know it's her. I don't notice the movement unless I'm sitting still and quiet, but it seems like every time I'm still and quiet, I fall asleep. That could be the problem.
Food Cravings? Milk. I am super excited though. My mom offered to stop at the nearest Casa Ole (the one two hours away) on her way back from her trip this weekend and get me some green dip!!
What I miss? I can't seem to put my pants on this week without falling over. I'm guessing that's just going to get worse.
What I am looking forward to? More movement, as usual. And painting the nursery!
Milestones? We hit viability this week. Although it's a terrifying thought, it's good to know she has a fighting chance if something happened.
How is Daddy?I'm not sure, since he's on the other side of the state. I'm going to assume though that he's bummed not to be here rubbing my belly.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Little Bits
I am wearing my new feetie pajamas from tar.get. They have little penguins for feet, and they are fuzzy and comfortable and WARM. I luv feeties, and was super excited to see adult sizes at the store, since my old ones don't fit this year.
I am muy jealous of everyone hanging out in the cold in line for the midnight showing of the new HP. I so badly wanted to go, but I have my big meeting w/my principal tomorrow, and it's field day for the kids. Plus, Jeff is out of town, and this would have been the first midnight showing without him. So, I'm waiting till Monday when we can go see it together. I so hope no one spoils the ending for me though. (I've read the books, and know how it ultimately ends, but I don't know where they're stopping this movie.)
In class today, we watched "The Hoboken Chicken Emergency". If you've never seen it, go look it up. It is so cheesy and lame, but the kids love it.
Did I mention my new feeties have pockets? So cool!
I am soooo excited Christmas is almost here! I love the few weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I love it all: the songs, the shopping for presents, the colors, the decorations... I can't get enough. My classroom is already decorated, and the house will be as soon as Thanksgiving is over! I have my shopping list all written out for almost everyone. I absolutely love going Christmas shopping! Only one more day of school and I can begin in earnest!
I am muy jealous of everyone hanging out in the cold in line for the midnight showing of the new HP. I so badly wanted to go, but I have my big meeting w/my principal tomorrow, and it's field day for the kids. Plus, Jeff is out of town, and this would have been the first midnight showing without him. So, I'm waiting till Monday when we can go see it together. I so hope no one spoils the ending for me though. (I've read the books, and know how it ultimately ends, but I don't know where they're stopping this movie.)
In class today, we watched "The Hoboken Chicken Emergency". If you've never seen it, go look it up. It is so cheesy and lame, but the kids love it.
Did I mention my new feeties have pockets? So cool!
I am soooo excited Christmas is almost here! I love the few weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I love it all: the songs, the shopping for presents, the colors, the decorations... I can't get enough. My classroom is already decorated, and the house will be as soon as Thanksgiving is over! I have my shopping list all written out for almost everyone. I absolutely love going Christmas shopping! Only one more day of school and I can begin in earnest!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
One Year Ago Today
Exactly one year ago today, I was pretty much doing exactly what I'm doing now:
Sitting in front of the computer, reading infertility blogs with the dogs at my feet.
Jumping at every little noise, because Jeff is out of town till Sunday.
Typing a blog entry.
Freezing because we haven't turned the heater on yet.
Listening to Pandora.
In pain.
What's different?
Well, there's three dogs instead of two...
I'm still cold, because the heater's off.
Still listening to the same station on Pandora.
Still in the same uncomfortable wooden computer chair.
Still in pain...
But this year, I'll gladly sit in pain and deal with the aching back and heartburn. Because this year, I'm where I never thought I'd be last year.
In fact, last year's me can hardly believe it.
Last year, I wasn't sure I'd ever be a mom.
This year, I am 23 weeks and 6 days pregnant.
Last year, I was hurting, shocked, and scared. Our azoo diagnosis had hit me like a ton of bricks.
Last year, it was a struggle to make it through each day without bawling.
This year, it's still a struggle to make it through each day without crying, but I think that's the hormones.
This year, I'm still scared. But I'm scared for much better reasons.
Was it an easy year? No.
Did things turn out perfect? No.
Am I damn thankful to be where I am now? You bet.
Thanks for being here for me. I can't put in to words what that means to me.
Sitting in front of the computer, reading infertility blogs with the dogs at my feet.
Jumping at every little noise, because Jeff is out of town till Sunday.
Typing a blog entry.
Freezing because we haven't turned the heater on yet.
Listening to Pandora.
In pain.
What's different?
Well, there's three dogs instead of two...
I'm still cold, because the heater's off.
Still listening to the same station on Pandora.
Still in the same uncomfortable wooden computer chair.
Still in pain...
But this year, I'll gladly sit in pain and deal with the aching back and heartburn. Because this year, I'm where I never thought I'd be last year.
In fact, last year's me can hardly believe it.
Last year, I wasn't sure I'd ever be a mom.
This year, I am 23 weeks and 6 days pregnant.
Last year, I was hurting, shocked, and scared. Our azoo diagnosis had hit me like a ton of bricks.
Last year, it was a struggle to make it through each day without bawling.
This year, it's still a struggle to make it through each day without crying, but I think that's the hormones.
This year, I'm still scared. But I'm scared for much better reasons.
Was it an easy year? No.
Did things turn out perfect? No.
Am I damn thankful to be where I am now? You bet.
Thanks for being here for me. I can't put in to words what that means to me.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
23 Weeks
How far along? 23 Weeks, 1 day
Total Weight Gain? 10lbs.
Symptoms? H E A R T B U R N !!!!!!!!! Seriously, the only thing I can ingest that doesn't give me heartburn is milk. It is constant and painful.
Stretch Marks? Ugh. Can I skip this question this week? Jeff found me in the bathroom this morning right after I'd gotten out of the shower, staring at my belly in the mirror. He thought I was just amazed at how big I am, but no. I was staring at the mile long stretch mark that has popped up next to my slowly-disappearing belly button. (Ok. Jeff says it's less than an inch, but I swear the folks on the international space station can see it!) I guess it came with the crazy itchy belly this week. Lotion, here I come!
Sleep? Horrible. I wake up 4 or 5 times a night. Still not sure why. I'm thinking maybe Cate kicks me and wakes me up, but I don't know.
Best Moment Last Week? Hearing her heartbeat again, and knowing my doctor's office will humor me, even if they think I'm crazy!
Movement? Still not really feeling anything, but I'm not as worried.
Food Cravings? Milk. Lots of it. I think Jeff and I (mostly me) have gone through about 6 gallons in the last two weeks.
What I miss? Being able to bend over and pick something up off the floor easily.
What I am looking forward to? More movement, as usual. And painting the nursery!
Milestones? Movement!
How is Daddy? Excited. We went to see a movie last night at St.udio Mov.ie Gr.ill ( a theater that serves full meals and drinks) which is where I worked while I did my student teaching. He told everyone there I used to work with that I'm pregnant. Although, I'm thinking they could figure that one out on their own now!
Total Weight Gain? 10lbs.
Symptoms? H E A R T B U R N !!!!!!!!! Seriously, the only thing I can ingest that doesn't give me heartburn is milk. It is constant and painful.
Stretch Marks? Ugh. Can I skip this question this week? Jeff found me in the bathroom this morning right after I'd gotten out of the shower, staring at my belly in the mirror. He thought I was just amazed at how big I am, but no. I was staring at the mile long stretch mark that has popped up next to my slowly-disappearing belly button. (Ok. Jeff says it's less than an inch, but I swear the folks on the international space station can see it!) I guess it came with the crazy itchy belly this week. Lotion, here I come!
Sleep? Horrible. I wake up 4 or 5 times a night. Still not sure why. I'm thinking maybe Cate kicks me and wakes me up, but I don't know.
Best Moment Last Week? Hearing her heartbeat again, and knowing my doctor's office will humor me, even if they think I'm crazy!
Movement? Still not really feeling anything, but I'm not as worried.
Food Cravings? Milk. Lots of it. I think Jeff and I (mostly me) have gone through about 6 gallons in the last two weeks.
What I miss? Being able to bend over and pick something up off the floor easily.
What I am looking forward to? More movement, as usual. And painting the nursery!
Milestones? Movement!
How is Daddy? Excited. We went to see a movie last night at St.udio Mov.ie Gr.ill ( a theater that serves full meals and drinks) which is where I worked while I did my student teaching. He told everyone there I used to work with that I'm pregnant. Although, I'm thinking they could figure that one out on their own now!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Chill Pill, anyone?
I took an unexpected trip to the doctor yesterday.
Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine.
Mostly, (ok, entirely), it was me being paranoid.
I've been nervous for a while now, because I wasn't feeling Cate move. Well, yesterday made it 9 days since I'd last felt movement. Once I hit that number, I freaked. So I called the dr. and left a message at the nurses station. Thankfully, the office is full of wonderful people and I was called back in less than 15 minutes.
I fully expected a reprimand for being silly and paranoid, which probably would have calmed me down. Instead, they decided to have me come in that afternoon so I could hear the heartbeat and calm down.
I am extremely grateful they had me come in, but I admit it scared the poo out of me that they didn't think I was just being silly.
Long story short, Cate's just fine. I heard beautiful 148 BPM. The nurse practitioner said she's probably got herself turned around so her butt is facing outwards. She said if that's the case, I won't feel anything for a while.
Lesson learned: Stop freaking out. I have a perfectly healthy little girl in there who's just fine. Chill.
Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine.
Mostly, (ok, entirely), it was me being paranoid.
I've been nervous for a while now, because I wasn't feeling Cate move. Well, yesterday made it 9 days since I'd last felt movement. Once I hit that number, I freaked. So I called the dr. and left a message at the nurses station. Thankfully, the office is full of wonderful people and I was called back in less than 15 minutes.
I fully expected a reprimand for being silly and paranoid, which probably would have calmed me down. Instead, they decided to have me come in that afternoon so I could hear the heartbeat and calm down.
I am extremely grateful they had me come in, but I admit it scared the poo out of me that they didn't think I was just being silly.
Long story short, Cate's just fine. I heard beautiful 148 BPM. The nurse practitioner said she's probably got herself turned around so her butt is facing outwards. She said if that's the case, I won't feel anything for a while.
Lesson learned: Stop freaking out. I have a perfectly healthy little girl in there who's just fine. Chill.
Friday, November 5, 2010
22 Weeks
How far along? 22 Weeks
Total Weight Gain? 8lbs.
Symptoms? alllleeeerrrrggggiiiiieeeesssss. Does that cover it, or should I throw in a tissue? Seriously, I can't make it five minutes without sneezing or coughing, both of which cause me to wet my pants.
Stretch Marks? Still just the two.
Sleep? Actually been sleeping through the night.
Best Moment Last Week? Picking out fabric for the nursery!
Movement? A bit. I'll admit I'm nervous, because I still don't feel anything strong or regular. I do feel the weird fluttery feeling right below my boobs every time I slouch, but I also know she can't possibly be up that high.
Food Cravings? I would still like some green dip, but I guess I can wait.
What I miss? Being able to bend over and pick something up off the floor easily. Today, my students laughed at me when I called one of them over during a test just to pick up a basket for me.
What I am looking forward to? Feeling her move more. It would ease my mind.
Milestones? Movement!
How is Daddy? Slightly overwhelmed, I think. I started rattling off all the stuff that still needs done, and he looked a little dazed!
Total Weight Gain? 8lbs.
Symptoms? alllleeeerrrrggggiiiiieeeesssss. Does that cover it, or should I throw in a tissue? Seriously, I can't make it five minutes without sneezing or coughing, both of which cause me to wet my pants.
Stretch Marks? Still just the two.
Sleep? Actually been sleeping through the night.
Best Moment Last Week? Picking out fabric for the nursery!
Movement? A bit. I'll admit I'm nervous, because I still don't feel anything strong or regular. I do feel the weird fluttery feeling right below my boobs every time I slouch, but I also know she can't possibly be up that high.
Food Cravings? I would still like some green dip, but I guess I can wait.
What I miss? Being able to bend over and pick something up off the floor easily. Today, my students laughed at me when I called one of them over during a test just to pick up a basket for me.
What I am looking forward to? Feeling her move more. It would ease my mind.
Milestones? Movement!
How is Daddy? Slightly overwhelmed, I think. I started rattling off all the stuff that still needs done, and he looked a little dazed!
Monday, November 1, 2010
No importante...
Nothing important to say, but...
I woke up yesterday with a crazy intense craving for green dip from Casa Ole. If you've never heard of or been to Casa Ole, you're missing out. It's pretty good Tex-Mex, but the real reason I go is for the green dip. They bring it out with the chips and salsa. It's basically guacamole (which I hate!) blended with sour cream. It's always served cold, and it's so creamy and spicy...mmmmmmmm! Unfortunately, the nearest CO is 2+ hours away. (I can't understand how there's not a single CO in the entire DFW area!) I tried making my own this evening, with a recipe I found online. I've never bought an avocado in my life, much less tried to peel and mash one. It was...interesting. However, my green dip is made and sitting in the fridge to "chill." Hopefully it'll be cold enough to taste before I go to bed.
I went to Canton this weekend with my mom and Jeff. (For those of you who don't know, Canton is a town that is taken over one weekend a month with the biggest craft fair/flea market in the state.) We found the PERFECT fabric for Cate's nursery. My mom is making all the bedding (cause she rules!) and now we have fabric! I was so excited, and still am. I also managed to buy Cate a headband in almost every color, plus a hat. This kid's going to have more than she can wear in a lifetime!
I think Cate likes to shop. She kicked the whole time we were at Canton. I really couldn't feel definite kicks and such until Thursday or Friday, so for her to do that all weekend was totally awesome. Admittedly, my back is killing me, because she kicks painfully every time I slouch even the tiniest bit, but it is so cool.
I have been absolutely terrible about commenting, and for that I'm sorry. I swear I'm reading, and I send you good thoughts in my head. You wonderful ladies are never far from my thoughts!
I woke up yesterday with a crazy intense craving for green dip from Casa Ole. If you've never heard of or been to Casa Ole, you're missing out. It's pretty good Tex-Mex, but the real reason I go is for the green dip. They bring it out with the chips and salsa. It's basically guacamole (which I hate!) blended with sour cream. It's always served cold, and it's so creamy and spicy...mmmmmmmm! Unfortunately, the nearest CO is 2+ hours away. (I can't understand how there's not a single CO in the entire DFW area!) I tried making my own this evening, with a recipe I found online. I've never bought an avocado in my life, much less tried to peel and mash one. It was...interesting. However, my green dip is made and sitting in the fridge to "chill." Hopefully it'll be cold enough to taste before I go to bed.
I went to Canton this weekend with my mom and Jeff. (For those of you who don't know, Canton is a town that is taken over one weekend a month with the biggest craft fair/flea market in the state.) We found the PERFECT fabric for Cate's nursery. My mom is making all the bedding (cause she rules!) and now we have fabric! I was so excited, and still am. I also managed to buy Cate a headband in almost every color, plus a hat. This kid's going to have more than she can wear in a lifetime!
I think Cate likes to shop. She kicked the whole time we were at Canton. I really couldn't feel definite kicks and such until Thursday or Friday, so for her to do that all weekend was totally awesome. Admittedly, my back is killing me, because she kicks painfully every time I slouch even the tiniest bit, but it is so cool.
I have been absolutely terrible about commenting, and for that I'm sorry. I swear I'm reading, and I send you good thoughts in my head. You wonderful ladies are never far from my thoughts!
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