One Year Ago Today

Exactly one year ago today, I was pretty much doing exactly what I'm doing now:

Sitting in front of the computer, reading infertility blogs with the dogs at my feet.

Jumping at every little noise, because Jeff is out of town till Sunday.

Typing a blog entry.

Freezing because we haven't turned the heater on yet.

Listening to Pandora.

In pain.

What's different?

Well, there's three dogs instead of two...

I'm still cold, because the heater's off.

Still listening to the same station on Pandora.

Still in the same uncomfortable wooden computer chair.

Still in pain...

But this year, I'll gladly sit in pain and deal with the aching back and heartburn. Because this year, I'm where I never thought I'd be last year.

In fact, last year's me can hardly believe it.

Last year, I wasn't sure I'd ever be a mom.

This year, I am 23 weeks and 6 days pregnant.

Last year, I was hurting, shocked, and scared. Our azoo diagnosis had hit me like a ton of bricks.

Last year, it was a struggle to make it through each day without bawling.

This year, it's still a struggle to make it through each day without crying, but I think that's the hormones.

This year, I'm still scared. But I'm scared for much better reasons.

Was it an easy year? No.
Did things turn out perfect? No.
Am I damn thankful to be where I am now? You bet.

Thanks for being here for me. I can't put in to words what that means to me.